Spiritual Optometry

I'm short-sighted, or far-sighted. I can never remember which one. Whatever causes you to see someone from 6 feet away as an amorphous ectoplasmic blob -- that's what I have.

But what a great day and age in which to have such an affliction! I have several different sizes and styles of eyeglasses (in several different states of disrepair). I can go to any one of a dozen local one-hour optometrists and get a prescription for contact lenses (soft or hard? colored or transparent? extended wear or throw away?). I can even choose any one of 31 flavors of laser eye surgery now being offered.

I was recently in the hospital for a few days and read some interesting pieces on the modern vs. the classic view of humility. The modern world teaches that humility properly understood involves debasement of self -- a lowering of ones self below that of others. Meekness, submissiveness and a giving over of ones personal sovereignty to others. Indeed, the dictionary definition of humble is "low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly."

This definition, however, is of a relatively recent vintage. The traditional understanding of the word humility comes from its biblical usage to describe the reason for G-d's choosing Moses to lead the people of Israel out of bondage and into freedom. It says that G-d chose Moses because he was the "most humble of men." Everyone remembers the part in Exodus where Moses protests the mantle of leadership by saying that he has a speech impediment, but the lesser recalled parts of the Bible are Moses exercising his wealth and power in what seem to be an almost Machievellian way.

It turns out that the traditional view of humility is having a crystal clear view of who you are -- both good and bad. You are not boastful and you don’t bow and scrape the ground with false modesty. Humility in the traditional sense then is a true understanding of who and what you are.

After I read this I came to the inescapable conclusion that we have a humility crisis in the United States today! America's women are not humble enough!

I'm sure you've seen the signs as I have. Accomplished, intelligent, beautiful women with an abundance of character, compassion, wit and charm in a relationship with a man not nearly as capable.

Wives and mothers who have or are raising children, organizing the household, participating in book clubs, public services, religious institutions and many times paid careers too. They have advanced degrees, are bi and tri-lingual, artistic, caring, sympathetic, empathetic, energetic -- while the husband's claim to fame is that he "brings home the bacon."

These women cling to the modern view of "humility," taking a back seat to Harry Husband Homeowner who rules the roost, the checkbook and many times the tempo and tenor of the marriage.

It is my humble (traditionally defined) opinion that many women share my optical affliction, except that it is manifested not when physically looking at others, but when spiritually looking within.

When they look at themselves, instead of seeing the incredible energetic and dynamic person I see, they see an amorphous ectoplasmic blob.

This causes all manner of social and personal problems. Dysfunctional marriages and families; unhappy wives and mothers; children being raised in discordant households and having unnatural role models.

I feel like the Saturday Night Live Psychologist character Denise Venetti whose only remarks to her patients are “Have you taken a look at yourself? Take a look at yourself.”

I was going to write an essay today w/ this title. But I searched google and found this. And this article pretty much sums up what I was going to say.

My wife and I, when we live 'in the moment' seem to have the perfect marriage. But when discussions of how the future unfold, we fight and contend over what that vision looks like - even though we mostly don't see that. It's been this way for a long time. Not knock down drag out scream fests, no. But we fight just enough such that the vision itself always seems to reamin ... blurry.

It is as if their is a force at work, designed to confuse us, prevent us from forming a common vision.

Today, I figured out what it was. When we argue, and I'm trying to describe what I'm seeing as the problem, she never asks questions. She simply makes statements. And then I'm repositioned from looking at what I was looking at, to now looking at what she is 'visioning'. We thus play badmitton w/ the future, watching the bird fly, and never leaving the court.

Today, I asked her to stop doing that, and instead, as she listens to me say something, she tried substituting statements with clarifying questions, relating to what she thought she heard.

That led to a big revelation for both of us. She really, really hated doing it ... at first. For it is true, she is a bit smarter, faster, and more creative than I am.

But, as a husband who is married to my wife, and as a wife who is married to Him, I'm finally getting the big picture about what is expected of me: my prayers, which ask, "Am I conforming to your will? Dear God, this is what I think you are seeing regarding how I'm to spend this life, but is it really looking like this?"

And, with a degree of shame, I must confess this: I don't pray, like that, hardly ever. Ben's comment, "we have a humility crisis in the United States today", thus makes sense, but even more so for the husbands, as opposed to the wives.

And thus ... it is no wonder that my marriage, and many like mine share the problem of drifting along ... surviving.

Marriage is supposed to be more than that. And I see now, after this revelation, how it is to be done. And yes, Mrs. Gb has asked me more questions today than she has in a long while.

"Number 1, or Number 2?"

"Is this better, worse, or about the same?"

"A ... or B"?

I don't think she'd be willing to do this if she were to witness me refusing to pray w/ that kind of questioning posture. And thus, does my ability to focus on Him, and the future, improve. And likewise, the quality and fellowship within my own marriage.

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