THE ANNUAL (OR BI-ANNUAL) "NEENER" CAUCUS THREAD

Vanity | KOETT

[P-Marlowe]

The Annual (or maybe it's the Bi-Annual) meeting of the Fraternal Order of The Knights of the Eternal Time Table and the High Council of the Order of the Eternal Exclamation Point (With and without Asterisk) is hereby brought to order.

If you are a Neener or have otherwise been evicted or rejected from any intolerant religious ping lists, then you are surely welcome here. (And we will not call you Shirley).

I cannot ping anyone as we do not have a ping list

However anyone who wishes to be numbered among the Neeners is free to participate. If you do wish to be officially numbered among the neeners please take possession of one of our Eternal Exclamation Point Shields
{!}
and to complete your initiation you must say "Neener Neener Neener" (Since, after all, we ARE the Knights who say "Neener Neener Neener"). If you are embarrassed to actually say "Neener Neener Neener" then you may abbreviate it by using a +2 font in red as follows :
N³

However do not expect anyone to ping you to the next meeting. We do not have a ping list. We don't even know who we are.

If you wish to participate, then you may post your favorite scene or saying from Monty Python's Holy Grail Movie, any one liner from Steven Wright, your favorite lawyer joke (or pastor joke) or any humourous sermon illustration (if there really is such a thing) that you may have heard or that you wish you had heard, any religious cartoon or any really good joke that will not make a Nun blush.

Caution: Anyone actually taking this thread seriously or posting any serious comment will be vaporized.

[P-Marlowe]

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place." Steven Wright

{!}

N³

Let the Caucus begin....

Hello, is anybody out there?

[Petronski]

Are you having a stroke?

[P-Marlowe]

Are you having a stroke?

I thought I was having a "caucus", however I've been told the symptoms are quite similar.

[Tax-chick]

If I bless your heart, will you be okay again tomorrow?

[Jaysun]

Is that you, exalted leader?

[blue-duncan]

"Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?"

Oh joy, oh joy. Another year, another Biannual picnic with all the trimmings. And the location is just right, better than our semiannual picnics. "Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories." Our poet laureate.

[dandelion]

Neener... Neener... Neeeeeeenerrrrrr...

it's him. I feel his power. Also, he slipped me a twenty to say that.

[P-Marlowe]

Is that you, exalted leader?

My official title is: Self Appointed Lord Protector of the Fraternal Order of the Knights of the Eternal Time Table and Grand Advocate for the High Council of the Order of the Eternal Exclamation Point (without asterisk) AKA, the Knights who say Neener Neener Neener.

I'm not sure we actyally have a leader. Are you a Neener? Are you a leader? We don't keep a list.

[Jaysun]

Neener... Neener... Neeeeeeenerrrrrr...

it's him. I feel his power. Also, he slipped me a twenty to say that.

Very good. I have put on the uniform (coconut tits, loin cloth, and a viking helmet) and look forward to meeting my fellow enraptured followers at that certain stadium to chant his name in an ecstasy of worship

[P-Marlowe]

Our poet laureate.

I thought your official title was Keeper of the Institutes. But I could be wrong.

So many Neeners. So few membership records.

[xzins]

{!}N³

Firmly entrenched is the tradition of the group, he proceeded to the head of the round table and declared:

Scene 4

---

The black knight

---

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Aaaagh!

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Aaagh!

GREEN KNIGHT:

Ooh!

[King Arthur music]

[music stops]

[stab]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Aagh!

GREEN KNIGHT:

Oh!

[King Arthur music]

Ooh! Uuh.

[music stops]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Aaaagh!

[clang]

BLACK KNIGHT and GREEN KNIGHT:

Agh!, oh!, etc.

GREEN KNIGHT:

Aaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaah!

[woosh]

[BLACK KNIGHT kills GREEN KNIGHT]

[thud]

[scrape]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Umm!

[clop clop clop]

ARTHUR:

You fight with the strength of many men, Sir Knight.

[pause]

I am Arthur, King of the Britons.

[pause]

I seek the finest and the bravest knights in the land to join me in my court at Camelot.

[pause]

You have proved yourself worthy. Will you join me?

[pause]

You make me sad. So be it. Come, Patsy.

BLACK KNIGHT:

None shall pass.

ARTHUR:

What?

BLACK KNIGHT:

None shall pass.

ARTHUR:

I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.

BLACK KNIGHT:

Then you shall die.

ARTHUR:

I command you, as King of the Britons, to stand aside!

BLACK KNIGHT:

I move for no man.

ARTHUR:

So be it!

ARTHUR and BLACK KNIGHT:

Aaah!, hiyaah!, etc.

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's left arm off]

ARTHUR:

Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

BLACK KNIGHT:

'Tis but a scratch.

ARTHUR:

A scratch? Your arm's off!

BLACK KNIGHT:

No, it isn't.

ARTHUR:

Well, what's that, then?

BLACK KNIGHT:

I've had worse.

ARTHUR:

You liar!

BLACK KNIGHT:

Come on, you pansy!

[clang]

Huyah!

[clang]

Hiyaah!

[clang]

Aaaaaaaah!

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right arm off]

ARTHUR:

Victory is mine!

[kneeling]

We thank Thee Lord, that in Thy mer--

BLACK KNIGHT:

Hah!

[kick]

Come on, then.

ARTHUR:

What?

BLACK KNIGHT:

Have at you!

[kick]

ARTHUR:

Eh. You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.

BLACK KNIGHT:

Oh, had enough, eh?

ARTHUR:

Look, you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left.

BLACK KNIGHT:

Yes, I have.

ARTHUR:

Look!

BLACK KNIGHT:

Just a flesh wound.

[kick]

ARTHUR:

Look, stop that.

BLACK KNIGHT:

Chicken!

[kick]

Chickennn!

ARTHUR:

Look, I'll have your leg.

[kick]

Right!

[whop]

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's right leg off]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Right. I'll do you for that!

ARTHUR:

You'll what?

BLACK KNIGHT:

Come here!

ARTHUR:

What are you going to do, bleed on me?

BLACK KNIGHT:

I'm invincible!

ARTHUR:

You're a looney.

BLACK KNIGHT:

The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on, then.

[whop]

[ARTHUR chops the BLACK KNIGHT's last leg off]

BLACK KNIGHT:

Oh? All right, we'll call it a draw.

ARTHUR:

Come, Patsy.

BLACK KNIGHT:

Oh. Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!

---

---

[P-Marlowe]

My favorite scene.

Good post Sir Xzins.

[clop clop clop]

SIR BEDEVERE:

And that, my liege, is how we know the earth to be banana-shaped.

ARTHUR:

This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

BEDEVERE:

Oh, certainly, sir.

[xzins]

So many Neeners. So few membership records.

Rotflol!

[P-Marlowe]

Rotflol!

Sir xzins. As a man of the cloth -- (as opposed to a man of no cloths) -- would you have any humorous sermon illustrations that you could share with the caucus?

We shall all be waiting with baited breath.

What the heck does "baited breath" mean, anyway?

[Salvation]

Why is it that Bibles and the word "God" got taken out of schools. Your insight, might one, appreciated.

[Salvation]

In light of the many jokes we send to one another for a laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's not funny, it's intended to get you thinking..............

Dart Test. .

A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons.

One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day.

On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture.

Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.

The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.

Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced.

Dr. Smith said only these words... "In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me."
Matthew 25:40.

No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ.

[P-Marlowe]

Why is it that Bibles and the word "God" got taken out of schools. Your insight, might one, appreciated.

That sounds like a series question.

Consider yourself vaporized.

[Salvation]

LOL!

Guess I'm gone, but I left you something to think about.

[P-Marlowe]

Guess I'm gone, but I left you something to think about.

But I can't think about it on this thead. I'm having a stroke here, remember?

Ping me to a series thread and I will attempt a series answer.

BTW do you have any Steven Wright sayings to post? How about a lawyer joke? We will accept Catholic jokes here, but we promise not to laugh ...out loud. No LOL's permitted... just plain L's

L

[xzins]

A sailer, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.

Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, “Which Branch of Service is the best?”

St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.”

Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find the answer.

Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows: “Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each one of you has served your country well. Be proud of that.

(signed)

GOD, US Army (Retired)