Humor (Religion)

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  • Church - Saturday Night Live

    12/15/2014 2:28:32 AM PST · by iowamark · 17 replies
    SNL ^ | Dec. 14, 2014
    St. Joseph's Christmas Mass Spectacular features Pastor Pat (Bobby Moynihan), organist Linda Tayhoe (Kate McKinnon) and all 44 verses of "O Come All Ye Faithful."
  • Martin Luther responds to some @JoelOsteen tweets

    12/05/2014 2:03:54 PM PST · by Gamecock · 41 replies
  • Halachos (Religious Law) of Christmas

    11/30/2014 12:31:05 PM PST · by Phinneous · 25 replies
    Jewish World Review ^ | 12/24/98 | Jewish World Review
    A humorous (if you understand Jewish ritual law--halacha) take on "the halacha" of Christmas trees-- Know that Jews have myriad laws governing daily life... For example, Chanukah candles must be kindles at a certain time, and last a certain duration...and oy vey what happens in a million after-the-fact cases where one did NOT meet the requirements, etc. All the funny quirky things you positively love about us Jews. What if they were transposed onto Christmas... the results might be something like this: (key: "Mitzvah" means commandment:) 1. PREPARATIONS FOR XMAS MUST NOT BEGIN(1) BEFORE THANKSGIVING.(2) THIS APPLIES TO PREPARATIONS WHICH...
  • Parody: Bergoglio and Synod

    11/23/2014 2:48:24 PM PST · by ebb tide · 8 replies
    Catholic Family News ^ | 11/22/14 | John Vennari
    Me and Bergoglia down by the Synod
  • Update: Pope Francis and One-World Religion [Pope Picked to Lead One-World Church]

    11/20/2014 8:57:24 PM PST · by ebb tide · 37 replies
    Catholic Family News ^ | 10/11/14 | Cornelia R. Ferreira
    Isn’t it extraordinary how something long in existence can be suddenly re-proposed as a brilliant new idea? Politicians and educators, hoping we have memory problems, often do this to fool us into thinking they are working hard to improve a situation. Another audacious example of this strategy was recently provided by the Holy See’s support of a proposal for a “United Religions”. The proposal came from former Israeli President and Nobel Peace Prize-winner Shimon Peres. At a private audience with Pope Francis this September 4th, Peres “proposed the founding of a United Religions organization — modelled after the United Nations...
  • How Many Protestant Denominations Are There? [vanity]

    11/13/2014 6:49:41 PM PST · by Heart-Rest · 633 replies
    How Many Protestant Denominations Are There? Partial List of 5000+ Protestant Denominations by Name How Many Protestant Denominations Are There?    The 20,000 / 30,000 numbers and David Barrett's statistics "The Facts and Stats on "33,000 Denominations" The 20,000 / 30,000 numbers and David Barrett's statistics Part II (Above links derived from here) ===> ("How Many Protestant Denominations Are There?") ⛪⛪⛪⛪⛪⛪⛪⛪⛪⛪ There are many, many more Protestant denominations out there, not just those reflected in the links above.    How many?    Well, nobody really knows for sure exactly how many Protestant denominations exist at any given point in...
  • 16 Memes that Explain What Christians REALLY Do

    11/11/2014 8:39:41 AM PST · by millegan · 8 replies
    ChurchPOP ^ | 2014 | ChurchPOP
    The “What People Think I Do / What I Really Do” meme is a clever way of poking fun at stereotypes vs. reality. We’ve assembled some of the best related to Christianity from around the web. Enjoy!
  • QUIZ: Modernist Church or Communist Building?

    11/10/2014 1:44:59 PM PST · by millegan · 21 replies
    ChurchPOP ^ | 2014 | ChurchPOP
    Test and fine-tune your modernist-church-detection abilities against your communist-architecture-detection skills! It's harder than you think...
  • 37 Signs You Were a Youth Group Kid

    11/09/2014 11:31:35 AM PST · by millegan · 4 replies
    ChurchPOP ^ | 2014 | ChurchPOP
    1) You learned how to spell with this song: [video] 2) You survived a Fear Factor inspired eating game. 3) You’ve been to Mexico for a mission/service trip. 4) You’ve given your “testimony” to a large group before. 5) Your public prayers are filled with “Father God” and “just…” 6) You learned just enough on the guitar to lead worship songs with 4 chords.
  • Some humor in dark times

    11/01/2014 8:15:06 AM PDT · by Ouchthatonehurt · 4 replies
    Unknown
    Some humor my Catholic FRiends will enjoy in these challenging times. Modified slightly from the original which I heard recently. So, after the Synod on the Family in Rome, Cardinal Kasper crosses the river to get a little night cap. He wanders into a bar and sits down next to two gentlemen who are already there. They exchange pleasantries and intoduce themselves to each other. One of the men is a medical doctor and the other is an architect. They get into a long and passionate discussion about the value of their respective occupations and the question arises as to...
  • Pope Francis: ‘Evolution … is not inconsistent with the notion of creation’

    10/29/2014 10:13:47 AM PDT · by RnMomof7 · 70 replies
    Religious News Service ^ | October 27, 2014 | Josephine McKenna
    .“When we read about Creation in Genesis, we run the risk of imagining God was a magician, with a magic wand able to do everything. But that is not so,” Francis said.
  • 11 of the Best #ThingsJesusNeverSaid

    10/18/2014 2:12:09 PM PDT · by millegan · 24 replies
    ChurchPOP ^ | 2014 | ChurchPOP
    All of these are from the Things Jesus Never Said Facebook Page.
  • If the Council of Jerusalem had been covered by our Mainstream Media (#MSM)...

    10/16/2014 6:03:07 AM PDT · by Teófilo · 9 replies
    Vivificat - From Contemplation to Action ^ | 16 October, 2014 | Teófilo de Jesús (@vivificat)
    Brethren, Peace be with you. Observing the media coverage of the ongoing Synod of Bishops in Rome, I wondered how the media would have covered that first "synod" or gathering of Christians in Jerusalem in 50 A.D. Please join me in this imaginative tour as we accompany a Roman journalist in his investigation and reporting.    Conflict in Jerusalem: Conservative Palestinian Jews and Liberal Jews from the Diaspora Battle for the Soul of the Christos' Way. Jerusalem, Saturday, eve before the XVI kalends of November, DCCCIII a. U. C.  Representatives of the Christos' movement from Judea, Syria, and elsewhere in...
  • Nun too helpful: Why giving money to Planned Parenthood doesn’t protect women

    10/10/2014 6:55:02 PM PDT · by Morgana · 1 replies
    Live Action ^ | Adam Peters
    Like most people, I occasionally put my foot in my mouth. That can involve calling a friend by the wrong name, making a double entendre, or realizing that I’ve just asked out a nun. Well, technically she was a sister. Last year, I visited Aquinas College (a Catholic university in Tennessee) to watch a friend receive an award for a paper he’d written. There were other students up for awards that night, and more than a few of them were wearing habits. The sisters gave informed talks on a number of issues, including religious freedom in Vietnam and the relationship...
  • Joel Osteen or Fortune Cookie?

    09/30/2014 8:53:32 PM PDT · by Alex Murphy · 12 replies
    Challies.com ^ | May 12, 2010 | Tim Challies
    he other day I ate some rather extraordinary Thai food for lunch and, on my way out, grabbed a fortune cookie. I cracked it open and read a silly little proverb meant to inspire, I suppose. I wish it had said “Brisk uphill walk after all-you-can-eat Thai is a bad idea.” Never mind. As I waddled my way home, regretting that last bowl of curry (so delicious…), I thought “This fortune sounds like something Joel Osteen would say.” And then it struck me—there is very little difference between Joel and those fortune cookies (except that the cookies are delicious, of...
  • Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI Asks To Be Reinstated As Pope [satire]

    09/25/2014 6:50:52 PM PDT · by markomalley · 6 replies
    Eye of the Tiber ^ | 9/25/2014
    VATICAN–According to reports today, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI is seeking the chair of his pontificate months after his resignation. The news has sent shock waves around the world.Vatican spokesman Fr. Vitateli Devitiamani told EOTT that, “He came for a dinner as scheduled and then proceeded to return to his old living quarters. That wouldn’t be a problem, since His Holiness Pope Francis chose to live elsewhere, the room is open. However, once we asked him where he was going, he simply said, ‘I’m back,’ then proceeded to put his sunglasses on even though we were inside.”Sources say that the next...
  • Francis Declares that Christ “Had” a “Christian Identity”

    09/03/2014 6:03:44 PM PDT · by ebb tide · 32 replies
    The Remnant ^ | September 3, 2014 | Christopher Ferrara
    It seems that not a day passes without Pope Francis’s off-the-cuff homilies and remarks producing a theological embarrassment: Mary “perhaps” felt tricked by God when she saw Her son on the Cross (“Lies! I was cheated!”), Christ merely pretended to be angry with this disciples (“Jesus does not become angry, but pretends to”), Matthew clung to his money when Christ called him (“No, not me! No, this money is mine!”), rather than immediately heeding Our Lord’s call as the Gospel records (Matt. 9:9-13)­—and so on and so forth, day in and day out. Just yesterday Francis, resuming his morning Masses...
  • 37 Photos that Prove that Nuns Live Boring Lives

    08/24/2014 6:55:45 AM PDT · by Morgana · 24 replies
    Catholiclink.com ^ | Garrett Johnson
    When I entered I saw what I had written. I wanted to say a word to you and the word is “joy”. Wherever there are consecrated people, seminarians, men and women religious, young people, there is joy, there is always joy! It is the joy of freshness, the joy of following Jesus; the joy that the Holy Spirit gives us, not the joy of the world. There is joy! but — where is joy born? Joy is born from the gratuitousness of an encounter! It is hearing someone say, but not necessarily with words: “You are important to me”. This...
  • Traditional catholic speed dating

    08/14/2014 2:53:15 PM PDT · by Morgana · 13 replies
    Traditional catholic speed dating (cartoon on linky)
  • Proverb A Day, Proverb 13 [Prayer and Meditation]

    08/13/2014 8:25:48 AM PDT · by OneVike · 1 replies
    Bible NKJV | 900 BC | Solomon
    Proverb 13 (NKJV) Wisdom Loves Righteousness 01 A wise son heeds his father's instruction, 00 But a scoffer does not listen to rebuke. 02 A man shall eat well by the fruit of his mouth, 00 But the soul of the unfaithful feeds on violence. 03 He who guards his mouth preserves his life, 00 But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction. 04 The soul of a lazy man desires, and has nothing; 00 But the soul of the diligent shall be made rich. 05 A righteous man hates lying, 00 But a wicked man is...
  • Do Franciscan Sisters have Bridal Showers

    08/06/2014 11:55:47 AM PDT · by Morgana · 5 replies
    It is tradition among the Franciscan Sisters of Christian Charity. The night before perpetual profession there’s a ‘Bride of Christ Shower’ (simple, yet festive reception) for the Sister(s) professing perpetual vows. Candles and lights helped create a warm atmosphere of joyful sharing on Sister Pamela Catherine’s August 1, 2014 party. Franciscan Bridal Shower BrideWho comes? The party is planned by those Sisters in Temporary Vows. Sisters on our General Administration are invited along with any Sisters who served as a support community for the Sister Pamela Catherine or for the Sisters in Temporary Profession that summer.
  • I'd Kill Myself if I Had That Many Kids

    07/30/2014 1:44:17 PM PDT · by NYer · 148 replies
    NC Register ^ | July 30, 2014 | Matthew Archbold
    My wife and I recently attended a sports banquet for one of our kids' sports teams at a local restaurant. It was one of those events that I wanted to go to about as much as I wanted to get three teeth pulled. But my wife assured me it would be fun. I didn't believe her but I came anyway. We've gone to so many of these things as my five kids are on at least three sports teams. All the kids sat together at a long table and all the parents sat at another table with the coaches. I have...
  • Todd Unctuous on Hobby Lobby [Hilarious! Parody!] [.... I Think...]

    07/11/2014 11:32:48 AM PDT · by Mrs. Don-o · 16 replies
    Standing on my Head ^ | July 2, 2014 | Fr. Dwight Longenecker
    [Guest blogger Todd Unctuous is top commentator for MSM. With a degree in Media Studies from Scranton Community College, Todd writes for many papers and websites, and is known for his incisive writing, objective reporting and razor sharp comment.] As we prepare to celebrate the Forth of July vacation this weekend I am deeply concerned to find that a small group of rich white Christian men are persecuting women in their businesses by denying them proper health care. I have heard that the owner of Hobby Lobby insists that his female employees sign a contract assuring him that they are...
  • WILL THE FIFA SHOWDOWN BE A PAPAL THROWDOWN?

    07/10/2014 2:24:38 PM PDT · by NYer · 7 replies
    Catholic Vote ^ | July 10, 2014 | KATE O'HARE
    Courtesy of the very funny folks at CatholicMemes.com.Who saw this coming? The papal craziness hits a new high on Sunday, July 13 — OMIGOSH, it’s 7/13, and Pope Francis was elected on 3/13/13, and my mind is blown — when Argentina goes up against Germany in the finals of the FIFA World Cup of Soccer/Football, in Rio de Janeiro, host city for Francis’ triumphal “Pope-acabana” phenomenon at 2013 World Youth Day.Some are even calling it the Pope Cup and hashtagging it #PopeCupSunday.The Catholic world now faces a dilemma of intercontinental proportions.Team Benedict XVI or Team Francis? And if you...
  • Pelosi Excommunicates Cordileone

    06/18/2014 2:15:28 AM PDT · by markomalley · 7 replies
    Eye of the Tiber ^ | 6/17/2014
    In an astonishing move today, Minority Leader of the House of Representatives and Mouthpiece of God in the United States Nancy Pelosi has excommunicated San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone. The move comes just a day after Pelosi sent Cordileone a letter asking him not to attend the National Organization for Marriage march in Washington D.C., calling the event “venom masquerading as virtue.” In response to the letter, Cordileone issued a response saying that the March for Marriage “is not anti-LGBT, but rather, it is a pro-marriage march.” The letter of excommunication begins with Pelosi regretfully informing the San Francisco bishop...
  • [Satire] Pope Attends Charismatic Prayer Service To Experience What Torture Feels Like

    06/03/2014 4:03:13 AM PDT · by markomalley · 9 replies
    ROME – Pope Francis led a pep rally yesterday in Rome’s Olympic Stadium in front of more than 50,000 Catholics who follow charismatic movements.While listening to what many have termed “the most heinous music ever prayed to,” 50,000 Catholics raised their hands in unison as they prayed for Francis, who silently and repeatedly asked God Almighty to just make it stop.Francis told the faithful that the devil wants to destroy the family, which he described as the “domestic church,” and went on to plead for the end of the use of torture.“We also call on the international community to put...
  • The Bible and Cell Phones

    05/27/2014 6:58:46 AM PDT · by virgil283 · 22 replies
    I wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phones? .....;
  • 'Pardon me sir, can you tell me the name of a dentist whose last name begins with "Mc?"'

    05/26/2014 6:11:40 PM PDT · by Brian Kopp DPM · 95 replies
    Vanity
    True story: Several years ago I drove home from my office and pulled in front of my house. As I was getting out of my car, a local homeless women was standing right behind me, as if she had materialized out of thin air. Before I could say anything, she stated (in a thick Anglo-Indian accent), "Pardon me sir, can you tell me the name of a dentist whose last name begins with 'Mc'?" I thought for a moment and replied, "No, I'm sorry, I cannot tell you the name of any dentists whose last name begins with 'Mc'. Can...
  • Stamp Your Feet!

    05/14/2014 1:50:48 PM PDT · by NYer · 21 replies
    The Catholic Thing ^ | May 14, 2014 | Anthony Esolen
    I’ve been following with some bemusement the interchanges between Cardinal Mueller, head of the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith (CDF), and the Leadership Conference of Women Religious (LCWR). For readers unaware of the developments, I'll present them here in abbreviated form:CDF: “Sisters, do you believe and affirm that Jesus Christ is the eternal Son of the Father, begotten and not made, the second Person of the Holy Trinity?” LCWR: “Why are you asking us that question? What gives you the authority to ask it?”
     CDF: “Again, Sisters, do you believe and affirm that Jesus Christ is the eternal...
  • Missionary story careens out of control

    05/01/2014 6:45:48 PM PDT · by Gamecock · 11 replies
    CHARLESTON, W. Va. — John Lemier, missionary to the Congo, was given 20 minutes to share about God’s work and ask for financial support at Grace In the Valley church on Sunday. But somehow, witnesses say, he got off track and commenced a series of fantastic tales. He insisted that just before he came to the U.S., a Congolese child was swallowed by a boa constrictor, which then fell 20 stories off a cliff. The child, he said, came back to life after two mysterious strangers, both 9 feet tall and wearing shiny white clothes and large swords, led villagers...
  • Should Cardinal Kasper be admitted to Holy Communion after a brief period of penance?

    04/23/2014 7:31:08 PM PDT · by Brian Kopp DPM · 2 replies
    The Bones Blog ^ | 04/23/14
    Tuesday, 22 April 2014 The Great Cardinal Kasper Poll Take the poll today in the side bar, then we can send the results to Rome. After all, in the run up to the Synod, the Church is seeking the views of the Faithful. It is so important they are heard. One word answer to a simple question. If the Bishops Conference ever need someone to help them to simplify their survey for the Synod on the Family, then my email's in the sidebar as well. Why make things more complicated than they are? Update: So, this is exciting stuff. So...
  • Jokes, quips, wisecracks: John XXIII lived with keen sense of humor

    04/22/2014 5:07:03 PM PDT · by NYer · 10 replies
    cns ^ | March 24, 2014 | Emily Antenucci and Carol Glatz
    VATICAN CITY (CNS) -- Blessed John XXIII, who will be made a saint April 27, is remembered by many for his warmth, simplicity, social conscience and sense of humor. Pope Francis, who will canonize "the Good Pope," recalled his predecessor as being holy, patient and a man of courage, especially by calling the Second Vatican Council. "He was a man who let himself be guided by the Lord," Pope Francis has said. But the Italian Pope John was also guided by his cheerful disposition, his simple, peasant background and tongue-in-cheek, wisecracking Italian culture. Blessed John XXIII pictured in the Vatican...
  • Is The Vatican Hiding Aliens?

    04/08/2014 12:41:31 PM PDT · by NKP_Vet · 75 replies
    http://www.catholicleague.org ^ | March 8, 2014 | Bill Donohue
    Bill Donohue comments on last night’s show, “Unsealed: Alien Files,” that aired on the Science Channel: The program speculates that “new evidence may prove the Vatican is hiding actual aliens from the public.” Either that or the channel will rename itself the Sci-fi Channel. The priest who directs the Vatican observatory, Dr. Jose Funes, was interviewed for the program, and he made the rather unexceptional remark that the universe is so huge that “it would be possible that life could evolve the way we know it on Earth.” This is soon followed by a voiceover that says, “Vatican officials have...
  • If you haven’t given up laughter for Lent…

    04/01/2014 4:05:23 PM PDT · by NYer · 2 replies
    cns ^ | April 1, 2014 | Carol Glatz
    VATICAN CITY — It may be Lent, but the Catholic Church hasn’t given up its sense of humor as part of this penitential season.A group of Jesuits, Dominicans and a UK news agency are all having a bit of fun this April Fools Day.A digitally manipulated photo posted on the “Independent Catholic News” website. http://www.indcatholicnews.com is an online news service in the UK. The online news service in the UK, Independent Catholic News, reported this morning that the Vatican was implementing tough new measures to fight off ravenous seagulls circling St. Peter’s Square and ruining its doves-for-peace releases.I.C.N. reported (tongue-in-cheek)...
  • Study: Small Group Hazing At All-Time High

    04/01/2014 11:06:30 AM PDT · by Gamecock · 14 replies
    CHICAGO – A new study to be published in Christianity Today magazine exposes a dangerous wave of church subculture that has built enormous momentum over the past decade. Hazing, which until now has been almost entirely associated with college fraternities and sororities, has made its way into our churches as a method of initiating would-be small group members and filtering out those too weak to join. While most colleges have squelched hazing in recent years, a new surge in small group hazing—resulting in at least two fatalities—is causing some pastors to follow suit and ban the practice altogether. “This has...
  • I, Gamecock, completed RICO and will become Catholic next week.

    04/01/2014 5:34:45 AM PDT · by Gamecock · 38 replies
    1 April 2014 | Gamecock
    I... After careful prayer and... Sorry. Even though it is April Fools Day I just can't pull this off.
  • New Ecumenical English Missal

    04/01/2014 2:01:31 AM PDT · by markomalley · 5 replies
    Liturgy (NZ) ^ | 4/1/2014 | Bosco Peters
    UPDATED with some other sites telling this same story: Fr Z (Fr. John Zuhlsdorf), Pray Tell, The Telegraph,…A rumour has been growing about a possible review of the Roman Catholic missal translation, but no one anticipated the announcement of a New Ecumenical English Missal Project, which will mean that the words for the whole Eucharist will be the same across a number of significant English-speaking denominations.Pope Francis, ever taking people by surprise, in only the second year of his papacy, pointedly, on the feast day of a woman saint, St Theodora (April 1), is formally signing the declaration that he...
  • Father Hunwicke's Spring Examination Paper

    03/29/2014 8:42:03 AM PDT · by marshmallow · 1 replies
    Fr. Hunwicke's Mutual Enriichment ^ | 3/27/14 | Fr. John Hunwicke
    Question 1. "X told Y to do Z voluntarily". Using Formal Logic, vindicate the internal coherence of this statement. [Candidates may not use more than eleven sheets of A4, but must show all workings.]Question 2. Compose, in the style of Plato, a Dialogue on Tapeinosis between Socrates, Prometheus, and Neo-Pelagius. [Credit will be given to candidates making reference to Pandora and her box.]Question 3. Construct a treatise, as if written by a German Cardinal, demonstrating that, although Genocide is not, strictly speaking, acceptable in the current state of the Magisterium, it could nevertheless (given its abiding popularity in both the...
  • Why Obedience to all Ten Commandments is Essential

    03/27/2014 10:20:21 AM PDT · by Repent and Believe · 40 replies
    (Personal Letter) ^ | 3/27/2014 anno Domini | RepentandBelieve
    The Ten Commandments of The Automakers: 1. Thou shalt not drive thy automobile without having oil in the engine 2. Thou shalt not drive thy automobile without a connected battery of 12 volts D.C. 3. Thou shalt not lock the doors of thy automobile and dispose of all of the keys 4. Thou shalt not cover all of the openings provided through which to view the surroundings 5. Thou shalt not remove all of the wheels on thy automobile’s axles 6. Thou shalt not remove thy steering wheel with which to control the automobile’s direction 7. Thou shalt not forget...
  • The New York Times’ 3 Worst Corrections On Christian Holidays*

    03/18/2014 7:03:20 AM PDT · by Pan_Yan · 4 replies
    The Federalist ^ | March 17, 2014 | Mollie Hemingway
    The New York Times’ 3 Worst Corrections On Christian Holidays* *Technically, one of these might not be real. March 17, 2014 By Mollie Hemingway An earlier version of this article mischaracterized the Christian holiday of Easter. It is the celebration of Jesus’s resurrection from the dead, not his resurrection into heaven. —The New York Times, April 1, 2013 An earlier version of this article misquoted a comment from Malachy McCourt on St. Patrick. Mr. McCourt said, “My attitude is, St. Patrick banished the snakes from Ireland and they all came here and they became conservatives.” He did not say St....
  • Pope Francis Drops F-Bomb During Address in St. Peter’s Square [video]

    03/04/2014 2:11:28 AM PST · by DaveMSmith · 12 replies
    The Blaze ^ | Mar. 3, 2014 2:59pm | Billy Hallowell
    Pope Francis stunned a live audience in St. Peter’s Square Sunday when he accidentally dropped the Italian equivalent of the F-bomb instead of a similar-sounding word he meant to use. “If each of us were to accumulate wealth not only for ourselves but to put at the service of others, in this f*** — in this case God’s providence would manifest itself in this gesture of solidarity,” he said. The pontiff apparently meant to use the word “caso,” which means “example” in Italian. Instead, he said “cazzo” — a simple mistake, but one that came along with wildly different context,...
  • Pope Benedict resigned early to avoid clash with World Cup

    03/02/2014 6:13:06 PM PST · by ebb tide · 14 replies
    The Telegraph ^ | 2/28/2014
    The football World Cup taking place in Brazil this year indirectly prompted Benedict XVI to bring forward his resignation as pope by a year, his private secretary has said.
  • There’s marriage and then there’s marriage*

    03/02/2014 12:09:13 PM PST · by NYer · 18 replies
    WDTPRS ^ | March 1, 2014 | Fr. John Zuhlsdorf
    I had a comment in my messages from an Observant Person who had the misfortune to read an article about Card. Kasper’s remarks on marriage in advance of the Synod.The Observant Person pulled a strange quote from Kasper via CNS: “he allowed for the possibility that in very specific cases the church could tolerate, though not accept, a second union.”? Huh? ”Tolerate though not accept”?There’s marriage and then there’s marriage*How can the Church tolerate what the Church cannot accept? There is a logical disconnect.What is this supposed to look like in concrete terms?Let’s take this into the parish. There are...
  • Joel Osteen purchases Catholicism in time for Easter

    02/25/2014 9:45:51 AM PST · by Alex Murphy · 65 replies
    Derf Magazine ^ | 02/25/2014
    LAKEWOOD, TX - Joel Osteen Ministries announced this week it has finalized its purchase of the entire Catholic religion which includes all assets, facilities, employees, and intellectual property. The purchase was accomplished using revenues received from corporate sponsors, member donations, and Osteen's book sales. Osteen announced the purchase to his followers at the Lakewood Church during his weekly nationally televised service saying, "Please join me in welcoming our Catholic brothers and sisters with open arms. A purchase of this magnitude takes tremendous resources so I ask you to help us fund this wonderful acquisition by calling the 800 number at...
  • Powerful winds rip off roof to church in Huntington, WV

    02/21/2014 6:49:55 PM PST · by Morgana · 6 replies
    WOWK-TV ^ | Lisa Robbins
    HUNTINGTON, WV - Powerful winds and heavy rain blew through the area Friday. In West Huntington, the winds were so strong, they ripped off a roof and steeple at Open Door Baptist Church on Madison Avenue. Dan Houdyschell said he heard the storm roll through. "Just a lot of wind around 2 a.m.; garbage cans flying and stuff like that," he said. Steve Wayne is a pastor at Celebration Church, which is just across the street from the damage. "I couldn't believe when I saw that their roof is in the road and the steeple; I can't imagine the damage...
  • Proverb A Day, Proverb 21 [Prayer and Meditation]

    02/21/2014 8:54:19 AM PST · by OneVike · 11 replies
    Bible NKJV | 900 BC | Solomon
    Proverb 21 (NKJV) The LORD Considers the Heart 01 The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD, 00 Like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes. 02 Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, 00 But the LORD weighs the hearts. 03 To do righteousness and justice 00 Is more acceptable to the LORD than sacrifice. 04 A haughty look, a proud heart, 00 And the plowing of the wicked are sin. 05 The plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty, 00 But those of everyone who is hasty,...
  • Presbyterian Proverbs

    02/18/2014 3:53:38 PM PST · by Gamecock · 11 replies
    An advantage of being in the same church for a long time is that you have an opportunity to see things play out. You can observe parenting and then watch the “parented” children grow up. You can see folks go from young parents to empty nesters. You can see all sorts of people just passing through. In short, you’re around long enough for time to tell its story. And if it told proverbs about Presbyterian church life, they might sound like this. One who speaketh in his first Sunday School class will evaporate like the morning dew. It’s uncanny –...
  • Pope Michael Doesn’t Know What All The Commotion Is About

    02/11/2014 8:13:20 AM PST · by Alex Murphy · 14 replies
    Eye Of The Tiber ^ | 2/11/2013 | Admin
    Belvue, KS – Sources close to Pope Michael are strongly denying reports out Monday morning claiming that the pontiff will be retiring at the end of February. “His Holiness is deeply saddened by all the lies and hullabaloo that have been spread about him in the papers this morning stating that he is retiring due to health issues,” a source reported to his mailman. “His Holiness is in perfect health…in fact, he has all the energy and vigor of a 56-year-old layman from Kansas.” Another source, his auntie, who was present at the press conference with the mailman also went...
  • Toast Appears on Jesus Christ

    02/11/2014 7:07:29 AM PST · by Alex Murphy · 17 replies
    The Museum of Hoaxes ^ | March 30, 2008 | Alex
    John Ordover sent this in. He was looking at a picture of Jesus (or rather, an artist's interpretation of what Jesus might have looked like) when he realized a piece of toast had miraculously appeared on it. I think this must be a message from John's toaster! But can we be sure that actually is a piece of toast? It kinda looks like a granola bar to me.
  • Congregation Collects Marlboro Miles, Decorates Church

    02/04/2014 2:52:58 PM PST · by Gamecock · 12 replies
    WABASH, IN. — Bake sales. Car washes. Bingo. Churches for decades have relied on tried and true methods of fundraising when tithes and offerings left vision-thick congregations in a lurch. But Wabash Christian Center has taken a unique approach to supplying ministerial needs. Eschewing fundraising altogether, the 20-year-old fellowship collects Marlboro Miles to outfit its church. Smokers for years collected Marlboro Miles from packs of cigarettes and redeemed them through the company’s product catalogue, which featured prizes ranging from T-shirts to camping tents. Marlboro added “Spiritline” in 2008 and the congregation took full advantage. “That’s how we got our new...