I would never deny the intense suffering that is a part of bipolar disorder and depression. It caused me to seek admittance to a psychiatric hospital. but I, too, have dealt with this for more than thirty years and it has not been all suffering. And my greater point in all of this is that suffering, in itself, can be blessing.
I would encourage you to stay in treatment, to seek God desperately in the midst of depression, to praise Him simply because of who He is even if you are angry with Him (I’m not assuming that you are angry with God, but if you are, then I say let Him know it - even angrily - and listen for His reply and keep seeking Him)and believe expectantly that He will bless you and that His grace will be sufficient for you. That is what He promises when we surrender out lives to Christ and that is what He has done for me. I pray the best for you.
I do not blame God, I blame Satan (amongst others). I am not angry at Him, but I do feel as though I have let Him down. Treatment, however, hasn’t been much successful, and is often a trade-off for swapping one set of problems for another. Extremely expensive to boot. Doctors can only go so far. The awful side-effect of it crippling my physical health over time to the point that I cannot have a normal life like an average person is the worst of all. I just cannot see it as being anything but a curse and an enormous burden, with some days so bad, it’s like having a 2-ton weight pushing one face-first into the ground and you cannot even breathe.