Posted on 03/01/2010 10:21:21 AM PST by NYer
The body of actor Andrew Koenig was found in Vancouver’s Stanley Park yesterday. His father, Walter Koenig, said that his son “took his own life, and was in a lot of pain.” Like most of my generation, I grew up with Walter Koenig as Chekhov on Star Trek, and he played a superb villain much later, on Babylon 5. Until his press conference yesterday, I didn’t realize he was a man of such incredible strength and dignity. He asked for his family to be left in peace to mourn their loss. I hope he won’t mind if I take this sad occasion to address others who might be following the road that ended in Stanley Park for Andrew. No matter how far you have gone down that road, there is always a path that leads away. I could offer no greater tribute to Andrew and his family than trying to help you take it, or at least see it.
You won’t find the beginning of that path in your house, or your room, or any other private place where you torment yourself, and wonder why a world you’re hiding from can no longer see you. You’ll have to step outside, and take a walk through your town. You’ll pass hospitals where the gift of life is unwrapped and presented to the universe. In another wing, life is held as precious treasure by families gathered around quiet beds, surrounded by tireless machines and their tired, but determined, keepers. Perhaps you’ll find a hospice, where the dying embrace their last opportunity to share their lives with all who receive the blessing of a seat beside them. You’ll pass churches and temples, filled with the sworn enemies of despair.
You may find yourself wishing you could give the unwanted years of your future to the clients of those hospitals and hospices. I did, years ago, when I stood where you are standing now. I was on my knees at the time, offering that trade with all my heart. It doesn’t work that way. Those who tend the hospices can tell you why, and the people in the churches and temples can explain why it shouldn’t.
Stroll past your local police station, where the noble calling to risk your life in the service of others is answered… and the worship of death as a solution to problems meets its humiliating end. Maybe you’ll spot a recruiting station, where men and women who love their friends and families accept a duty that could take them away forever… because they know others love their families too, and there is no safe way to build and protect the future for them.
If your walk takes you past sunset, watch the cars rolling into the driveways of apartments and houses. If you walk from night into morning, watch the people reluctantly leaving their homes, to provide for their families. Those people are not wasting their lives, but fulfilling them. They return home to enjoy their reward, and renew their inspiration. Every day, they write new pages in the human story. None of us will see the end of that tale… but I know you share my appetite to read another chapter, and then one more after that. You may have convinced yourself to ignore it, but it’s still there.
Step into a convenience store for a cup of coffee or chocolate, and take a look at the newspapers. They are filled with pleas for help that you could answer. From the inner cities of America, to the broken streets of Haiti, and around the world, there are places where the clocks are filled with nothing but desperate hours. Another pair of hands, or another few dollars of support, are always needed. The years ahead, which you regard as a painful burden, can be given to them. It will take effort, and courage… but along the way, I can promise that your life would stop feeling like a burden.
You may view suicide as your last chance to shake the pillars of a world that has turned its back on you. The world doesn’t need any more shaking. If you’ve been telling yourself that no one will miss you when you’re gone, you are wrong. Your suicide would tear a hole through the future, and nothing could ever fill the space where you used to be. You might think you’re alone, but you don’t have to walk more than a couple of miles from your house to see a building full of people who would be delighted to meet you. There are places like Suicide Hotlines, staffed by men and women who have spent their entire lives preparing to hear the sound of your voice, and greet every day hoping to learn your name.
You may be afraid to face the years ahead. You’re not the only one, and if you extinguish the light of your faith and wisdom, you consign others to darkness. You might see death by your own hand as the end of unbearable pain… but I ask you to think about Walter Koenig, facing a wall of cameras with quiet grace in the hours after finding his son’s body, and understand that it’s only the beginning of agony.
You might have decided your fellow men are rotten to the core, and you’re weary of their company. Listen to the music of Mozart, or look upon the work of Michelangelo, and consider the argument of those who profoundly disagree. Maybe part of your problem is that you’ve been listening to the wrong music, or looking at the wrong pictures. Dark waters are easy to drown in. The judgment of the human race will not lack witnesses for the defense, and they will make their case to you, if you give them a chance.
Now, take the last few steps back to your home, and set aside one sorrow or terror with every footfall, until your mind is clear. If you’re thinking of incinerating the remaining years of your life, surely you can spare a few minutes for quiet reflection, and hear this prayer from the living world:
Please don’t leave us. We need you.
It is a quiet prayer, spoken in a soft voice, but it’s never too late to listen.
A very powerful prayer that reminds us how suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
*********************
We do indeed.
Amen.
Amen. I lost a close friend that way, and she wasn’t the stereotypical case of a selfish, friendless cynic who hates the world and everything in it. She was a treasure to everyone but herself.
Jesus was tempted in every way we are so we may have a sympathetic high priest. We have the privilege of reading about a few of his temptations. Suicide was one of the first.
Thank you for posting...it brought me to tears.
bump!
I am a long time lurker and just signed up so that I may comment on this article. I saw this the other day at Hot Air and can’t get it out of my thoughts. My happy, healthy 17 year old son took his own life a little more than 5 years ago. The state police came to my house early on a December morning in 2004 to wake my wife and me with the news of my son’s death. We were shocked and still do not understand what he was going through or why he did this. If there were warning signs, we did not see them nor did any of his friends. He was very well liked, smart, funny and handsome. He was well loved and knew it. My wife and I have suffered the heartache to the best of our abilities, together and seperately in our own ways. Many nights I have looked into his room and asked aloud, “why didn’t you just come home, we could have worked this through?”.
We loved our son and miss him every minute of every day. We have accepted that we’ll never know why he left us but one thing is certain; the last line of this article is true- we need you.
I post this for several reasons;
If there is anything in a loved one’s behavior that suggests suicide, I urge you to take what ever actions you feel necessary.
For people that may have suffered this type of tragedy lately, please know that life goes on. You will never get over it, this type of heartbreak has no cure but it does get less painful as time goes by. I would not have been able to post this just 2 years ago.
The old saying is “that which does not kill me can only make me stronger”. It truly applies in this case, there is nothing anyone can ever do to my wife or me that can hurt more than this.
I hope that folks will respect Mr. Koenig’s request to be left to mourn in peace, most people will never know what he is suffering.
|
Lord Jesus, you healed so many people during your public ministry. I bring before you now, in prayer, all those who are terminally ill -- those afflicted with cancer, AIDS, and other illnesses.
|
|
Look lovingly and compassionately upon them. Let them feel the strength of your consolation. Help them and their families to accept this cross they are asked to carry. Protect them from euthanasia, Lord.
|
|
Let them see you carrying their cross with them, at their side, as you once carried yours to Calvary. May Mary be there, too, to comfort them.
|
|
Lord Jesus, I know and believe that, if it is your will, you can cure those I pray for (especially N.). I place my trust in you. I pray with faith, but I also pray as you did in Gethsemane: your will be done.
|
|
Bless us, Lord, and hear my prayer. Amen.
|
| Reprinted from "Queen of Apostles Prayerbook" with permission of copyright holder, Pauline Books & Media, |
Dear Dad, I am truly humbled. In selecting articles to post to FR, I try very hard to select those that have significance for a broad audience. You are one of only a handful who have posted such a comment over the 10+ years that I have been on FR.
My happy, healthy 17 year old son took his own life a little more than 5 years ago. The state police came to my house early on a December morning in 2004 to wake my wife and me with the news of my son’s death. We were shocked and still do not understand what he was going through or why he did this.
This is the greatest fear confronted by EVERY parent each day. We invest our love in our children and pray that the seeds planted in their childhood will grow and bear fruit later in their lives. The teen years are the most challenging. Our children reach that stage of life when they want to test the waters and demonstrate to their parents that they can make sound decisions. It is also a time of life when outside influences can have a major impact on that fragile stage of adolescence. One of my uncles returned home one day a few years ago to find his son swinging from a noose in the basement of their home. Like you, it has tormented him ever since.
My wife and I have suffered the heartache to the best of our abilities, together and seperately in our own ways. The old saying is “that which does not kill me can only make me stronger”. It truly applies in this case, there is nothing anyone can ever do to my wife or me that can hurt more than this.
The loss of your son is perhaps the greatest trial you will ever face in your married lives. The fact that you are still together after such a tragic ordeal, is testimony to your mutual love and respect. Consider yourselves blessed in that regard.
Please accept my prayers for you, your wife and your son. I am entrusting all of you to the Divine Mercy of God. May you find solace in peace in Him.
Thank you for posting your story to FR.
Thank you for your kind words and prayers.
Excellent and important post.
Suicide is no . . . game.
. . . regardless of how gamey some characters can be with it.
It is deadly serious with, usually, imho, some eternal implications for at least a portion of those who succeed at it.
Thanks for this post and thread.
Four years ago next month my husband committed suicide. It’s a long story that started just over 30 years ago. Two serious head injuries many years apart which resulted in drastic personality changes, bouts of severe depression, physical problems until he demons inside were more than he could stand.
We tried everything to help him through this but in the end it wasn’t enough. It has gotten better but sometimes a thought comes into my mind or a memory and it seems like it just happened. Most of the time now it’s just a great sense of loss and sadness that he thought this was his only way out.
So sadly true. The suffering person may be out of pain, but it has only begun for those who loved him or her, and they will spend much of the rest of their lives torturing themselves for not being able to stop them.
Prayer for you and your wife.
Prayers lifted for you.
Thank you.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.