“I love her (only 1 of these)”
There are many levels of “Love” and they change as people grow.
If a husband says he loves his wife, and she says the same to him, it could mean two or more different things.
She may feel loved as she feels safe and secure.
He may feel loved due to good sex.
She may feel loved as he validates who she is and makes her feel good about herself.
Each of the above will create the same “chemistry” feeling of love at different times throughout an individual’s life.
The real problem is created when only one individual in a marriage grows and not both. They grow apart. I refuse to judge, I just seek to understand and help people who are going through the process.
The number one attraction or connection between souls that creates the strong feeling of Love is:
We are attracted toward individuals whose personality is similar to someone with whom we have an unresolved conflict. The stronger the unresolved conflict, the stronger the attraction toward a similar personality to use as a surrogate. When the unresolved soul issue is resolved within one or both individuals, the attraction is automatically gone between them. I work with this every day.
I’ve had women who were physically beaten by their husbands come to me and ask why they are addicted to their abusive husbands and can’t leave them. One woman who came to me was hospitalized four times due to being severely beaten. Her husband was imprisoned an equal number of times for beating her. I never talked with her about her marriage or her husband. I merely guided her to heal the trauma with her father that occurred when she was four years old. We healed it and the next day she contacts me to ask why her attraction toward her abusive husband is gone. This is the norm and not the exception.
The ideal is that I work with both husband and wife so they can both heal and thus the marriage will survive and grow. But I will never turn one individual away just because their spouse does not want to change.