Cry for Help from Young Woman Conceived with IVF

Creative Minority Report ^ | 1/01/2014 | Rebecca Taylor

[GonzoII]

Cry for Help from Young Woman Conceived with IVF

I hate to start the new year with a sad post, but if we can help this young woman, it will be worth it. Her e-mail broke my heart. It is a cry for help from someone who mourns the loss of her siblings that didn't make it. It is also a look at the darker-side of IVF that no one wants to talk about: the massive loss of life inherent in the IVF process. She writes:

I was wondering if you knew of any websites or resources that support people struggling after being conceived using IVF. I've been searching and searching online, and I've been unable to find a single source of advice.

I was one of three embryos created in the process, but I was the only one who survived. I mourn my siblings every single day. I can't talk about them with my parents, because bringing the subject up inevitably causes fights, and they don't feel the way I in the do. They don't regret what they did, they don't see anything wrong with IVF, and they don't count my siblings as members of the family. They never bring them up in conversation, and when I talk about them, they'll concede that they are my siblings, but it's only to make me feel better. I don't think they really believe it. If they did, they'd regret what they did. When people asked how many children they had, they'd say three. They'd talk about them as members of the family, and say how much they wished they could be there at Christmas and birthdays. My mum would light candles for them at church and have Masses said for them. But it's just me. I'm the only one who seems to care about them.

It hurts me every time I see in the news something about IVF, because the media treats it as if it's okay. There's never any mention that people die during the process. I don't even know if there's anyone else out there who feels the same way I do. If there is, I've never met them. Sometimes, I feel like a freak. The only person I've found who understands me at all is my local priest, who I've spoken to about everything, but I can't be bothering him all the time! It'd be nice to have someone else who understood.

The support groups I know of are for those conceived with donor gametes. I do not know of any support groups for those conceived with IVF without donor sperm or egg.

Does anyone know of a group that could help this young woman? Her pain is very real, but I am sure when she talks about it, she is dismissed and told that she should just be grateful for her life. She needs others who can understand what she is feeling.

Rebecca Taylor blogs at Mary Meets Dolly

[GonzoII]

Sad situation. Prayers up.

[teeman8r]

she needs to take solace in the fact that her siblings are basking in th elove of our Lord and she will eventually be united with them. but in the meantime, she needs to live her life and live God’s intent for her.

t

[Excellence]

I was one of three embryos created in the process, but I was the only one who survived.

What does she mean by this, that she is the only embryo that "took," or that the mother went through a pregnancy "reduction"?

[longfellowsmuse]

Sad… I imagine she has survivors guilt…that her two siblings died so she could be born. What a hard thing to live with…. prayers for her and her message is an important one for those who think medical test tube experiments don’t have moral consequences.

[heartwood]

The only one who survived - was that because all three were given a chance and only one made it? Or was it because her parents got her and discarded the rest?

It makes a difference in my mind, the intent of the parents.

I lost three children before birth and I mourn them and my family remembers them. But I probably had three or four very early miscarriages as well (a week late and heavy when I was trying to conceive) although I don’t know for sure. It was more disappointment than grief. God can carry the knowledge for me and I wouldn’t burden my children with an obligation to mourn. The difference with IVF is that you can’t escape the knowledge.

Prayers for this young lady - I think she must be a very lonely only child.

[Yaelle]

Facts please. There is a huge difference between embryos which are non euploid not continuing to grow, and aborting extra growing babies.

Did her parents “selectively reduce” the other two? Abort them? Then the young woman has a right to mourn.

But if the doc placed three embryos into her mom’s uterus, and she was the only one who continued to grow, that is nature. Well over 50% of all embryos created in lab or Fallopian tube DO NOT MAKE IT. Young couples having lots of unprotected sex do not get pregnant each month. And of those who do, many embryos don’t make it even to the pregnancy test and some don’t make it to week 13. Almost all of these early miscarriages are caused by chromosome abnormalities that would never allow even a second trimester baby.

That is a huge difference. There are probably lots of people conceived naturally who had a fraternal twin for a day or a couple weeks and never knew it.

[ladyjane]

This poor girl sounds very depressed. She’d be even more depressed if she knew that 7 or 8 eggs were harvested and only 3 implanted. The poor girl needs some help.

[Salvation]

There may be an answer for her in one of these links:

Cry for Help from Young Woman Conceived with IVF
Why the Church Opposes Surrogate Motherhood and attempts to legalize it in The District of Columbia
Pregnancy From Sperm Frozen 40 Years Ago Highlights Problems With IVF (with a twist)
Former IVF doc [Anthony Caruso]: my conversion began when confronted by a priest
Teacher says Catholic school fired her over IVF
Teacher Claims Catholic School Fired Her Over IVF
Pope says arrogance drives infertility field, tells couples to shun artificial procreation Man Made Limbo (the consequences of IVF)

IVF babies ‘risk major diseases’
Polish Cardinal, Former Secretary to Pope JPII: Politicians, Like Pilate, Kill the Truth of the Life of the Unborn
Bishop criticizes reproductive technology’s ‘procreation without sex’
Dignitas Personae
Excommunication for deliberate embryo destruction?
Catholic School Teacher Fired for Having In Vitro
Vatican Summit Looks at Selecting Embryos
62-year-old Redding woman gives birth to 12th child
Actress Brooke Shields kills 140 of her very own Children by undergoing 7 IVF Treatments
Clinic Mix-Up Sparks Fears over IVF H

[Salvation]

I would recommend two ministries:

First: Beginning Experience, a peer facilitated weekend for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one

Secondly: Rachel's Vineyard.

[RinaseaofDs]

Sorry, but this needs a vomit alert tag.

Does she mourn the loss of every egg that is discarded through menses?

The Monty Python tune ‘Every Sperm is Sacred’ comes to mind.

This woman takes ‘glass half empty’ to a new and dangerous extreme.

IVF survivor remorse? Really?

[GonzoII]

Sperm + Egg = Life = Sacred

[ravenwolf]

I have no use for any of the crazy scientists are the unGodly things they have come up with.

But i take it that her siblings must have either died at birth or did not get that far.

The way she is trying to make her parents feel guilty you would think the siblings were aborted in the birth stage.

The only thing the parents did wrong was to ignore God and put their faith in the God of this world, which in the other case she would not be here.

Most of us has lost siblings and they will not be forgotten but why bring more torture to some one else who may already be more tortured than you are.

[Heart of Georgia]

True, her siblings are safe, but facts are facts — they were aborted.

So perhaps she feels speaking the truth that people die because of IVF is God’s intent for her life.

[workerbee]

Hmm. I don't know her age but I suspect teenage. There are many assumptions she seems to make:

They don't regret what they did, They very well might, esp. if it was a "selective reduction". Guilt may keep them obstinate.

they'll concede that they are my siblings, but it's only to make me feel better. Not necessarily.

When people asked how many children they had, they'd say three. We have 3 healthy daughters, but lost our first two children (12 week & 24 week miscarriages). But when someone asks how many children I have, I say "3" because lengthy explanations just aren't necessary or, IMO, appropriate.

I'd say this woman needs some spiritual counseling. It isn't healthy to mourn this way for siblings she never knew , despite her beliefs on IVF.

[ravenwolf]

or, not are, dummy.

[originalbuckeye]

It sounds like a ‘selective reduction’ situation. I do not understand why people would do this. Why not wait and see if all three can make it to birth?? Very sad for this girl, the survivor’s guilt is weighing heavily on her.

[TexasFreeper2009]

huh?

I have no idea what lunacy this article is referring too.

When you go through IVF you have the option to use all the embryos created yourself over time, or you can donate the extra embryos to someone who is unable to have children. Nothing necessitates the destruction of viable embryos except a purposeful decision to that effect by the parents.

Heck, they can even freeze the extra embryos and you can have them implanted years later.

This whole article is bunk.

[Cyber Liberty]

If this were not the Religion forum I’d say what I think about this conflicted person.

[Valpal1]

First world problems (facepalm).

This girl needs to visit a few missions and orphanages in some 3rd world countries to get perspective.

The poor, pitiful me, melodramatic suffering over the manner of her genesis has an unhealthy vibe, IMO.

If she wants to honor the memory of her lost siblings, there are many more productive and spiritually mature ways to do so. Emotionally manipulative whinging is a non-starter.

[Wiser now]

I frankly majored in just enough psychology to be dangerous. Still, I think this young woman is in need of some therapy. I don’t believe we are getting the entire story here. Her problem with her parents may be something else entirely.