The decline of marriage: A glimpse into an unsettling trend

Christian Post ^ | 01/09/2024 | Virgil Walker

[SeekAndFind]

Richard Baxter (1615–1691), a Puritan minister of the 17th century, penned his thoughts on the covenant of marriage, writing, “It is a mercy to have a faithful friend that loveth you entirely to whom you may open your mind and communicate your affairs. And it is a mercy to have so near a friend to be a helper to your soul and to stir up in you the grace of God.”

Unlike Baxter in his time, today, the covenant of marriage is not held in as high regard. Many women remain single longer, seeking independence and pursuing the same career goals as men. Moreover, fewer men see enough advantages to marry nowadays. These men believe that the value women bring as wives and mothers has drastically declined. Additionally, they fear the risk of losing assets and damaging their relationship with their future children in the event of a divorce, which occurs in about 50% of marriages. Consequently, they view marriage as a dangerous proposition.

Finding a life partner has diminished in importance as couples increasingly delay or forgo marriage altogether. The decline in marriage rates can be attributed to the evolving societal roles of women, the perceived concerns that men associate with marriage, and the myriad of new options provided by social media that enable both genders to bypass the once obligatory rite of passage.

Social media’s impact on marriage

When considering the impact of social media on marriage trends, it’s impossible to ignore its influence. With 54% of social media users being women, they utilize the platform 2.8 times more than men. Now, in the palm of her hand, a woman can receive unprecedented male attention. Historically, a woman might receive attention from within her circle of 150 friends, with 45% being male. Now, a woman can post captivating images on her social media platforms, leading to thousands of likes, hundreds of comments, and inbox messages from men worldwide. Now, with her social media apps, a woman can experience an unparalleled dopamine rush previously unmatched in her everyday social context. This new reality diminishes her dependence on in-person social interactions with men, intensifying her addiction to cell phones as social media promptly gratifies her needs and desires.

Social media impacts men and women, but some trends mainly affect women. It’s worth noting that the United States has three million more women than men. When considering unmarried women of marrying age (18 to 35), the national ratio reveals that there are, on average, 90 men to 100 women. Morgan Stanley predicts that by 2030, 45% of women aged 25 to 44 will be single and childless. However, many women disregard these statistics, thinking they are the exception to any rule and that the men they desire will be available when they are ready for relationships.

However, men are also evolving in their perspectives on women and marriage. The average man now acknowledges that a large number of women are mostly in pursuit of the same type of man. While a woman may initially seek traditional male providers for marriage, she generally finds herself attracted to men who embody a “bad boy” persona or offer an element of challenge.

Most average men, realizing that they are being overlooked in favor of taller, stronger, alpha-male stereotypes, are seeking solace in online groups like “Men Going Their Own Way” (MGTOW). These groups provide a platform for men to find camaraderie and navigate the current cultural climate. Moreover, for many men, social media and pornography have distorted their perception of reality when it comes to women, including appearance and expectations in genuine relationships.

The rise of social media has opened up a world of possibilities and opportunities for both men and women, unlike anything previous generations have experienced. The level of attention that was previously exclusive to a select few, like celebrities, is now within reach for a much larger audience. Unfortunately, women seeking attention and validation in the digital realm often face pressure to objectify themselves, with the pornification of women being portrayed as female empowerment.

The decline of marriage predates the rise of social media, but its current usage has undoubtedly impacted the lives of many. On the other hand, women find themselves receiving more attention than ever through their use of social media, which delays their desire for marital companionship. Men, on the other hand, face social deformation through the objectification of women and the availability of a wider range of options, ultimately resulting in postponing marriage.

The Church girl struggle

When exploring the topic of marriage in evangelical circles, the challenges women encounter are from various angles. On Sunday, the majority of church services are attended by 61% of women and 39% of men. The age demographics most impacted by this statistic are widows and unmarried 18- to 25-year-olds. Among the available individuals aged 18 to 35, a significant portion of them once claimed to be devout followers of religious practices. However, after a college education, they no longer identify with any religious affiliation.

Feeling disheartened by these obstacles, young Christian women (18 to 35) are actively searching for alternatives beyond the confines of the Church. Some are pursuing relationships with non-believers, participating in hookup culture, or even stepping away from the church while still holding onto their Christian faith.

The struggle for Christian women in the dating realm is multifaceted. As it pertains to dating, far too many Christian women, anxious for marriage, drift away from relying on God’s sovereignty. Instead of seeking godly guidance from the men in authority in their lives — their fathers or a local church pastor — they often pursue husband hunting on their own. This often leads to crossing paths with men who claim to be Christians but whose actions reveal a stronger commitment to worldly desires rather than spiritual growth. This disparity between a profession of faith and an actual lifestyle adds another layer of complexity to the challenges faced by young Christian women in the dating scene.

Women want weddings, not marriages

Marriage is no longer solely driven by women aspiring to be wives. Nowadays, women pursue fulfillment beyond traditional family roles, focusing instead on higher education and careers while abandoning homemaking and childrearing skills. Women surpass men in college admissions (60% to 40%) and exhibit higher graduation rates with a significant 10-point advantage. Feminism teaches women to be self-reliant, treating marriage as unnecessary or optional only after securing a solid career. Pursuing college is no longer a means to find a husband but a necessary pathway for a career with no family in sight. It also provides a sense of security if one encounters the wrong husband.

In today’s world, women have more opportunities than ever before. Still, the message of female empowerment and gender equality is instilled from a young age. This encompasses breaking away from traditional gender roles, pursuing career opportunities, and embracing the freedom to express one’s sexuality in a manner that feels right for each individual woman.

Every decision carries consequences, some of which can be profound. However, acknowledging this reality in conversations with women may prove to be dangerous. Men have taken note of these changes. While the societal expectation for men to fulfill traditional roles as providers, protectors, and leaders within the household has persisted, women have moved away from their traditional roles as homemakers, caretakers of the children, and submissive wives.

Despite increasing opportunities for women, many still desire marriage. In fact, 61% of women express this desire. However, women are now choosing to marry later in life. In 2000, the median age for women to marry was 25.1 years. As of 2022, that age has risen to 28.6 years. The choice to delay is causing many to ponder whether women’s true desire lies in a wedding rather than a lifelong partnership in marriage. Interestingly, the median age for men to marry has also reached a new high of 30.5 years.

Men’s unrealistic expectations

As men choose to marry later in life, they face important decisions and express deep concerns about commitment. While men no longer expect women to be sexually pure, nearly 90% of American men and women have engaged in premarital sex, often with someone other than their future spouse. This reality has negative consequences for marriage. Although premarital sex does not directly cause divorce, relationships with multiple sexual partners are more likely to end in separation or divorce.

Divorce has also influenced the decision to marry. In 1867, the divorce rate was 5%, but by 1967, it skyrocketed to 50%. Scholars attribute this increase to women entering the workforce, giving them more independence in difficult marriages. Nowadays, the average first marriage lasts around 7.8 years. Second marriages face a 60% divorce rate, while for third marriages, it reaches a staggering 73% failure rate. The millennial generation has witnessed the impact of divorce through their parents’ experiences. Boomers, born between 1946 and 1964, are the most divorced generation in US history. This ongoing phenomenon continues to shape marriage decisions today.

Old answers to new questions

When we contemplate the enormity of the issues and their influence on family dynamics and even birth rates, the solution does not present itself readily. For those of us committed to the Church, it is all too common to assign blame to the Church (an easy target) and devise superficial, pragmatic initiatives that aim to bring boys and girls together in the hope that nature will take its course. While the desire to “do something” may appease some, the solution to these appeals is never self-sustaining or capable of reversing the magnitude of the downward slide.

Instead of an appeal to all of evangelicalism, I encourage those seeking marriage to explore Richard Baxter’s timeless wisdom. As a Puritan writer and theologian, Baxter offered invaluable insights into marriage’s theological and practical aspects. His writing on the mutual duties of husbands and wives provides a strong foundation for understanding the covenant of marriage and offers practical steps for building healthy relationships. These steps should be considered long before entering matrimony.

While the dating phase of relationships can place couples into a state of blind bliss, Baxter warns couples, writing,

“Do not forget that you are both diseased persons, full of infirmities; and therefore expect the fruit of those infirmities in each other; and do not act surprised about it, as if you had never known of it before. Decide to be patient with one another, remembering that you took one another as sinful, frail, imperfect persons, and not as angels, or as blameless and perfect” (Volume 1, Baxter’s Practical Works, A Christian Directory, page 431).

As couples progress in their relationship and become more comfortable with each other, unrealistic expectations often emerge. Disagreements fueled by pride can have devastating effects on a relationship. Baxter also provides instructions in this regard when he writes,

“Both husband and wife must mortify their pride and strong self-centered feelings. These are the feelings that cause intolerance and insensitivity. You must pray and labor for a humble, meek, and quiet spirit. A proud heart is troubled and provoked by every word that seems to assault your self-esteem” (Volume 1, Baxter’s Practical Works, A Christian Directory, page 431).

Puritan writers like Baxter consistently associated love with duty, effectively intertwining emotion with action. This connection ensured a profound sense of purpose and commitment. Baxter would note,

“Remember that justice commands you to love one that has forsaken all the world for you. One who is contented to be the companion of your labors and sufferings and be a sharer in all things with you and that MUST be your companion until death” (Volume 1, Baxter’s Practical Works, A Christian Directory page 431).

Finally, Baxter writes,

“We should be very concerned to know what the duties of our relationships are. And how can we please God in our relationships? Study and do your part, and God will certainly do his. The main matter in which a husband and wife should make a conscience of duty is their mutual love and forbearance. This is the great business of married persons — to study each other’s welfare and to help it forward by all means possible” (Volume 1, Baxter’s Practical Works, A Christian Directory page 432).

In a world where selfishness reigns supreme, Baxter reminds us that marriage should focus on mutual love, not just individual desires. By emphasizing the importance of duty towards one another, he highlights the importance of selflessness and sacrifice in a successful marriage.

We would do well to heed these old answers to new questions.

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Originally published at G3 Ministries.

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Virgil L. Walker is the Executive Director of Operations for G3 Ministries, an author, and a conference speaker. He is the co-host of the Just Thinking Podcast. Virgil is passionate about teaching, disciple-making, and sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Virgil and his wife Tomeka have been married for 26 years and have three children.

[ansel12]

For men, marriage is very high risk and the odds are against them, the odds are that they will lose everything, their loved woman, their children, and the accumulated assets and material goods of their working lives.

[PGR88]

Everything Jewish/Christian tradition has said about marriage and sex for 3500 years is there for the benefit of both society, and the individual.

We will need to re-learn it, with a lot of peril in between.

[escapefromboston]

No one can take Marriage seriously ever since they legalized “gay marriage”. Though it’s more of a symptom than a cause.

[Sacajaweau]

My son lost everything and wound up in debt. And we’re talking thousands and thousands of dollars.

[ozarker]

Reward things you want more of, tax things you want less of. Look at Hungarian model; get married, stay married, have kids, cut your taxes. Have at least four kids and stay married, never pay taxes again.

[ansel12]

Divorce is overwhelmingly done by the female.

In modern America marriage is high risk for the male and a trial period for the female, in most cases, she walks away with what made the time invested worth doing, the children, the home, and the same address and social circle, after taxes child support and the best car, etc.

Basically, you have the marriage and the family life Christmases and laughing children and home life, and then one day the man is kicked out and sent away, a replaceable part that was on trial and is interchangeable.

[aMorePerfectUnion]

Hence, the “passport brothers.”

[Zuriel]

Workplaces are big marriage wreckers. A brother of a school classmate of mine worked in offices at the two largest employers in a metro of about 350k people. This guy said those two places were riddled with broken marriages.

Then one summer (2004?) I was part of a trucking crew on an asphalt parking lot repaving job. We were about to start when a fire alarm went off at this large office building. It was just a rehearsal.

Out of the doors came hundreds of men and women (probably 2/3rds women). We were in their staging area, so they were standing around nearby us for about 5 minutes, until they went back inside.

The chatter on the cb was typical male comments about the many ‘chicks’ in short skirts and high heels. Tight apparel was the norm. Tons of makeup and high dollar hairdos.

Those men from that office building were probably led to tempting thoughts often during the day, seeing those younger women always glammed up, compared to their wives household appearance.

Glad my wife didn’t work in such places.

[MeganC]

The author utterly neglects to mention the effects that birth control, abortion, and militant lesbian feminism have had on marriage and family.

[Worldtraveler once upon a time]

---- "The decline of marriage: A glimpse into an unsettling trend"

The options seem clear. One may worship God, the State or the self (which usually includes a preoccupation with the self's genitalia).

The sham "marriages" involving celebrating the self and the selves' genitalia is a perversion of the traditional sense of marriage.

An intended perversion, for the sake of perversion itself.

[nickcarraway]

MGTOW are feminist tools.

[alternatives?]

The modern church, like society, is catering to women. It is interesting the article notes the problem of men claiming to be Christians in church prying on the poor women but nothing about women claiming to be Christians prying on men. The modern church is full of cougars, however, like this article, the modern church is reluctant to chastise women. These wayward women are referred to as born-again virgins after using their youth to pursue Chad and now are willing to settle for a boring, steady, dependable man. The modern church is all too ready to forgive this lifestyle choice and blame the men for being reluctant to embrace and reward this lifestyle choice. The article has a section labeled unrealistic expectations of men. Polls show young men would be happy to find a woman that meets 80% of their expectations but young women are not. Young women have longer lists as well but to the modern church, it is a man’s problem. Is there any wonder why 61% of attendees at the modern church are woman?

The article also does not mention the role of anti-men family courts and laws contribution to the problem.

Perhaps there needs to be a collapse, before strong men will be able to fix it.

[Bayard]

Ill say it, Women have become Harlots and to them Marriage is a sex contract.

Since its not about values and anything other than money for sex its no wonder men don’t get married.

[txeagle]

While this article generally travels in the right direction, the dated statistics and references.....MGTOW.com has been gone for just about 2 years......it highlights the timidity with which most modern churches approach relationship issues, and with just about as much misandry as the secular community.

A church is no longer a place for men to seek relationship advice. Or a relationship, for that matter.

[DoodleBob]

Prescinding from out-of-wedlock procreation…

Children are not getting married. Why?

A child depends on the parents for or just religious formation. but for modeling appropriate behavior.

Let’s go to the tote board to see how married folks are modeling behavior.

Divorce is THE most destructive element to the family and society….more than the gays, more than Ukraine, more than Soros. It is clear, yet few rail against divorce anymore.

Why? Marriage isn’t considered an irreversible bond in our culture anymore. The Commandments are no longer binding. Going to hell for sex outside of marriage is a figment of the imagination. God will forgive you; actually God is a woman…

The progressive era and the advent of socialism brought on by the Depression got that started. Marriage became disposable…it is reversible, it can be undone. It’s caustic to women, and quoth Marx and Engels, “(t)he bourgeois sees his wife as a mere instrument of production. He hears that the instruments of production are to be exploited in common, and, naturally, can come to no other conclusion than that the lot of being common to all will likewise fall to the women.”

Don’t worry son or daughter….you don’t need to do much discernment because you can always lawyer up like mom and dad did. Oh, and friends and family will happily applaud like a circus seal if you dump your spouse. There are Facebook groups and all kinds of social outlets geared toward starting life anew. Indeed, half of your friends and family are also in a state of mortal sin-it’s not like they’ll tell you to save your soul and work out the problem.

Then we have “research” showing that the kids turn out ok because they don’t see Mom and Dad fighting, that single parenthood can be good for the kids self-esteem, and other nonsense.

Sure…and the shots are safe and effective. Marx and Engels are smiling in hell.

I get that some spouses are tough, and there is mental illness and substance abuse. Guess what? That all existed prior to 1934. Divorce was shameful. It was a one-way ticket to hell. People worked out their problems. The same mindset that says “I’m against divorce except for cases of ____” is the same demonic mindset that says “I’m against abortion except in cases of _____.”

Where did the kids learn of this hypocrisy? Mom and Dad. Thou Shalt Not isn’t negotiable.

Many folks are sure riled up by abortion, 5 year olds getting reassignment surgery, and so on. Fair enough. However, almost every time I turn the mirror and point to divorce as THE primary driver of societal collapse and amorality, I get crickets.

We need to get people into a pre-1934 marriage mindset. From there, children can grow up in a home that isn’t lead by hypocrites, where religion is seen as VITAL as opposed to a buffet where they can pick and choose morality.

[drSteve78]

The author utterly neglects to mention the effects that birth control, abortion, and militant lesbian feminism have had on marriage and family.

````````

Add in a strong dose of selfishness and lack of any kind of religious faith, and suddenly finding climate change causes to be useful focus in exchange for faith in God, and you have the recipe for today’s modern society.
Which is now being countered and overrun by illegals and zealots.
We are doomed. Having Grace and Redemption, I’m satisfied that i am getting too old to GAF.

[drSteve78]

MGTOW is just a coping mechanism.

[Zuriel]

**The author utterly neglects to mention the effects that birth control, abortion, and militant lesbian feminism have had on marriage and family.**

The ‘pill’ is easily the leader in causing reckless sexual behavior. I dated several girls that admitted to taking it, (maybe because I looked like I was game to get it on). I promptly stopped seeing girls like that. While I was attracted to them, I was not interested in getting an std, like my cousin did.

My wife, not religiously instructed on morals while growing up, still had good values. One was waiting until wedding night. She had told me early in our dating that she would never take the pill, saying, “I’m not going to mess with my body’s natural design. Besides, the pill causes a woman to retain water, and can cause high blood pressure.”

Yet we did manage to naturally hold off on kids for the first 2 years. (Which was helpful in her transition from city girl to farm wife/hand).

[alexander_busek]

This article contains so many half and three-quarter truths as to boggle the mind. Here a small sample:

Historically, a woman might receive attention from within her circle of 150 friends, with 45% being male. Now, a woman can post captivating images on her social media platforms, leading to thousands of likes, hundreds of comments, and inbox messages from men worldwide.

Even decidedly modest and innocent images will garner plenty of online compliments. An average-looking, small-town woman with a substantial online presence can expect to receive a HUNDRED TIMES more compliments (some polite; some bawdy) in a year than her counterpart fifty years ago would have received in person over the course of her entire life. Even if she never bothers to follow up on any of them, the psychological damage is done; she will perforce have a highly inflated sense of self-worth and SMV (Sexual Market Value). Her sensitivity to REAL, in-person male attention will dull. This inflated sense of self-worth is amplified by feministic media messages ("You go girl!" "You're a queen!").

As of 2022, that age [of women to marry] has risen to 28.6 years. The choice to delay is causing many to ponder whether women’s true desire lies in a wedding rather than a lifelong partnership in marriage. Interestingly, the median age for men to marry has also reached a new high of 30.5 years. Men’s unrealistic expectations As men choose to marry later in life, they face [...]

Men are not "choosing" to marry later in life - rather, they have no choice. Only after women enter the "Epiphany Phase" at roughly age 28-29 will they consent to marry anyone but a multi-millionaire super-Chad.

Also, at 28.6 years of age, the newly-married bride has already lost half of her fertility. Half of her eggs are spent, and within seven years, she will be facing Geriatric pregnancy. Quite a catch for the lucky young man who "wifes" her up, yes?

Although premarital sex does not directly cause divorce, relationships by women with multiple male sexual partners are more likely to end in the woman, whose ability to bond has been burnt out, filing for separation or divorce.

There, fixed it!

Having 5-12 different sexual partners prior to marriage does not negatively affect a man's ability to pair bond. The same number of sexual partners has a devastating impact on a woman's ability to pair bond - thus increasing the likelihood that she will become dissatisfied with the marriage and file for divorce.

Divorce has also influenced the decision to marry.

Only for men, who will bear the brunt of the unfair divorce court decision. The modern career woman has nothing to fear from a divorce. After all, she "don't need no man." She has her job, and gets half his financial assets.

Regards,