My wife and I are NFP instructors, and I can assure you we are just as "pastoral" with the engaged couples who come to us. You are using wisdom in your approach. Its fine to mull theoretical distinctions regarding "mortal sin" but when they're standing there in front of you, you're just trying to keep them inside the door. I always thought being "pastoral" was an excuse for being liberal. Sometimes it is. Sometimes it is just the reality of the situation, even for an "orthodox" priest or layperson.
Hmmm. Strange that you seek apply this to we second-class citizens that you call "invincibly ignorant" or some other derogatory name, but for your "Queen of Heaven" that you pray to and venerate vociferously, it doesn't apply. To you it was OK for her to disobey God's commands and deprive her husband of his due and stay a virgin perpetually. I believe the term that applies to you would be hypocrite. I don't mean all RC's just those who seek to put us NC's under your man-made rules. Of course I don't believe Mary disobeyed God as your church does (by implication), so don't call me a Mary-hater.