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My husband and I lost a child to illness, to leukemia, many years ago....we were in the military at the time, and our child was being treated at a military hospital...his doctors, and care, and all were wonderful....

But my sons oncologist had both me and my husband come into his office to discuss 'things'...what he wanted to discuss with us, was not any particulars about our sons disease, but rather about what he noticed was my husband and myself increasingly becoming further and further apart, as our sons disease progressed....

He told us that divorce statistically is higher when one of a married couple is in the military, due to many factors, like low pay, frequent moves, lots of time without the service member at home, etc. etc. etc...

He then went on to tell us that couples who have a child with a devastating disease or physical impairment, also have much high rates of divorces, and should the child die, the rates of divorce soar...he just wanted us to be aware of this, and that we needed to take care, that besides caring for our sick child, we also needed to care for our marriage...

It really was a wake up call to both of us, and we realized that because we were each dealing with our sadness and grief at our sons diagnosis and prognosis, in different ways which were pulling us apart, we took more care to take care of our marriage...

Our son did die after 15months illness...it was horrible, and horrendous, and almost paralyzing....and we still had another child to care for...

The Medical Center that my son was in, was the local Medical Center for all kids in the western states areas, who had cancer, as the army at that time had only five pediatric oncologists, and if you were not already stationed at the base where one of these oncologists were at, they flew you there to that particular medical center...

So I got to see many, many children with cancer, and life threatening problems at this Medical Center...I have to say, almost all those children had parents who were divorced...there were a few couples who were still together, but by and large most of the couples were either divorced or at least separated...

I think that the emotional strain, the financial strain, the guilt, and many other factors, that enter into a couples life, when their child is terminally or seriously ill, and especialy should the child die...well often these things take their toll, and the couple just cannot cope with each other any more...

My husband and I are still married, going onto 32 years in Oct...but believe me, it was not easy, to get through all the grief and hurt and emotional drain and strain, that losing a child brings...and still retain a healthy marriage...and have enough left over to properly care for the other children...

Just my own personal experience, but I believe its a clear reflection of what often happens to couples who lose a child...

My wife and I lost two daughters over a 14 year period - to neurological degeneration. We did not divorce but it was very difficult at times. We wrote a book about our experiences, "Angel Joy." One daughter's nickname was Angel. The baby of the family was called Joy by her nurses because of her happiness.

It is very draining in every way possible. But we have had a happy life in spite of those losses. In fact, we often smile, laugh, and talk about our girls. We have a healthy adult son. He has two daughters. They are a great blessing to us.

Thanks for your heartfelt reflections and story.

Married couples who do what it takes to stay together are heroes to me.

We've been together 26 years,and our life's been a cakewalk compared to yours.

I truly understand, we lost our son to leukemia 10 years ago, we are still together, 18 years, but it has not been easy, we still feel the lost terribly. I think part of the reason why this happens is because one or both couples tend to shut down emotionally. I know I did, I am still fighting for my intimacy with my husband. I want to be close again. I am so afraid of that pain I may feel again if something happens to him.