Posted on 12/01/2004 2:16:21 PM PST by Tumbleweed_Connection
We did it for 3 months and got married, almost 20 years ago.
Man, couldn't anyone counsel them?
Because they meet so many people, and travel?
Interesting observation.
I'm in the same boat ... I'm the last of my friends to be single (I'm 28, a month away from 29). I get a little irritated at the assumptions some people make, like I'm too selfish to get married, I wanted to focus on my career, etc. Not the case - I'd love to be married. I just refuse to marry to someone who doesn't have the same values as I do. Sadly, not too many people my age value faith, hard work and family. Their values lie in Coors, Trojans and overpriced cars.
Maybe. Sales people tend to be more outgoing and flirtatious by nature. Engineers and other quiet introverted occupations tend to do their work and go home to their families.
Yes, a sweeping generalization, but that is what I observe.
My son is now desperate for a wife but cannot find one, even on the singles web sites. Here' s the average "female looking for a man": a ruined, divorced, single mom with 2.3 kids, runs to fat and high on herself. I 've read their "resumes" and came away believing that good, marriageable women are few and those that are left are not interested in "committment."
Right on!
I met my hubby on a blind date. (the first one I agreed to--before, you couldn't get me to do it.) Don't know if you've tried it, but it's great when you have people who love you enough to find you a (hopeful) match.
I recommend blind dating now, needless to say.
LOL! Yep, that's about it.
Or other overpriced toys. And a lot of them see marriage as the end of any and all fun - something to be avoided at all costs.
I don't think lifetime commitment is something they even WANT to try to understand.
I know a woman in my wife's family who put an ad in, and quit after the first responder turned out to be this jobless bum who had just lost his license for drunk driving.
How about a church singles group? (or a volunteer agency) How old is he?
Singles websites are the worst places to look for a good woman. Trust me.
I tried it and we seemed to hit it off, but her seeing-eye dog bit me.
Nah ... no more blind dates. I haven't had much success in that arena.
The best relationship I've ever had lastest 4 years, and we were the best of friends for 3 years before that. I decided that the next relationship I'm in, well, I really want to establish a friendship. No "dating" pressure.
Marriage always ends in sadness---Death or Divorce
Then what we need are Freeper Conventions!
Amen!
Or arranged marriages. Its sad, but I'm starting to think thats not such a bad idea ;-)
After much observation as a disinterested third party, I've compiled what I think are the main reasons for divorce. May as well post it here, maybe it'll help.
Ten Sure-fire Ways to Wreck a Marriage
1. Hate your spouse for the same reasons you loved them to begin with.
1st Example: You met your spouse in a bar and spent most of your engagement having a grand old time getting loaded together. Now that you're married, you're angry because they drink.
2. "It's this way because we're married".
A couple relates in a certain way to one another and are happy enough that way to want to spend the rest of their lives together. So they have a ceremony to celebrate and officiate their relationship, and because of that ceremony change the things that brought them together to begin with. Now that's stupid.
3. Refuse to Ask for What You Want.
Maybe you want them to make you "feel special". Or you want them to "do more". These requests are meaningless because they are based on purely subjective, not objective terms and provide no concrete means for your spouse to determine what to do or know when they've satisfied your desires. For example, "special" means different things to different people. Humans aren't mind readers. Figure out exactly what you want in specific, objective terms and ask for it in plain English. Is it flowers, dinner in bed, sex? And if you can't figure out exactly what would make you happy, how the hell do you expect them to know?
4. No Sex.
So you?ve decided you don't like sex anymore. Guess what? The person who swore monogamy to you just became involuntarily celibate for the rest of their life. Good luck with that one! You should realize the only alternatives to their newfound monk-like existence are divorce or cheating on you.
5. The "Snow White" syndrome.
Many people hold marriage as a lifelong goal, and spend their entire lives building up some romantic notion of how great life would be if only they were married. Up until marriage, life is just a mean wicked stepmother and these poor downtrodden souls eagerly await their Prince (or Princess) Charming to sweep them off their feet and rescue them from their awful lives so they can "Live Happily Ever After". So they get married, and when !surprise! life doesn?t turn into a fairytale, of course it must be their spouse's fault! After all, they are married now, what else could the problem possibly be? Here?s a reality check: Life is ALWAYS hard. If obtaining lifelong happiness was as easy as getting a marriage license, they?d hand them out in kindergarten with lollipops. Happiness is a decision, and only you can decide to make yourself happy.
6. "It's Time To Get Married". Many people have a little list in their heads of things they're going to do with their life. Finish school, get married, buy a house, have kids, and retire is the typical plan. So now you're done with school and "It's Time To Get Married". All your friends are doing it, so you should too! Woe is unto the poor fool who happens to be standing next to you at that point. Do NOT think that whom you marry is less important than being married. On the contrary, marriage is something you enter into if, and only if you've found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage is NOT something you do because you think you deserve a big cake wedding before age 30, or because you've noticed a wrinkle on your face, or because you feel left out around your married friends, or because you run your life like a shopping list: School, check. Marriage, check. House, check?
7. Thinking a marriage license is what makes a marriage.
Marriage is a natural state of being, a living thing of sorts. Just as blood, flesh and bone make up our bodies, so do love, friendship, trust, honor and fidelity make a marriage. If you don't share those things your marriage will be just as lifeless as a body without a pulse. Holding a wedding and having a marriage license aren't going to breathe life into your relationship anymore than a doctor?s bill of clean health will raise a corpse from the dead.
8. Leave your spouse for another.
No, I'm not talking about another lover. I'm talking about your kid(s). Yes, taking care of children is an important and time-consuming task. Of course you want the best for them and you probably think you're doing them a favor by spending every waking minute with them, hurriedly running them to and from a half dozen activities and letting them sleep in your bed every night. But if you neglect your spouse because you have a new focus in life, your marriage will whither and die like an unwatered houseplant left in a dark corner. So now you've deprived your kid(s) of the most important gift you can possibly give them; a loving, unbroken home, and they?re stuck in a hostile environment with a dysfunctional family and may well end up with only one parent, or worse: an abusive step-parent, because of a divorce for which they will surely blame themselves. How good is that for them? But hey, at least they made it on time to soccer practice, ballet class and Ashleigh's birthday party. If you love your child, you must take time to love your spouse. Children can weather all sorts of adversity if given the benefit of a stable home where their parents truly love one another, and trust me, they will perceive if that's the case. And one day they will bring what they have learned at home into their own marriages. Do you wish divorce on them too? No? I didn't think so.
9. The Warden.
Keeping your spouse on lockdown will instill deep within them an insatiable desire to escape. And in marriage, escape is spelled D-I-V-O-R-C-E. Raging, irrational jealousy of all friends and interests that don't include you will have the ironic effect of driving your spouse away from you, which is precisely what you didn't want to begin with. It may be healthier to agree on a certain night out for both of you. Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder and familiarity breeds contempt. Don't call them 10 times while they?re on their night out. In fact, absent a real emergency you shouldn?t call them at all. You'll only humiliate them, make them feel smothered and drive them away from you.
10. The Freeloader.
This one might seem obvious, but it happens so very often. When one spouse does most or all of the work, be it housework, holding a job, or taking care of the kids, they will become resentful. It might take a long time but eventually they'll get tired of pulling all the weight and dump the load ? and the load is you. This is especially easy to fall into if finances are shared. Make a list of everything that needs to be done and split it up evenly, then no one can claim to have done all the work. If everything on the list has been done on time and things are still not as they should be, fix the list rather than accusing your spouse of slacking. And remember the Golden Rule: They Who Have the Gold Make the Rules. That means that if you don't contribute to the household in some way, you will eventually become "ruled".
I hope this prevents at least one divorce.
I met my husband on a blind date too! We have bucked the current trend by getting married when I was 23 and he was 25 (this past July). I'm going into academia and won't be "secure in my career" for nearly 10 years, so waiting til then to get married would be ridiculous and infeasible. There are a few other married students in my department, all of whom were married by 25. We are definitely seen as a bit odd by the other grad students. Most of the women my age couldn't understand why I'd get married so young, probably because to them, living together and fornicating was a viable option.
As for why so many people my age are reluctant to marry, I think that the divorces of their parents play a huge role. So many times have I heard a peer justify living together and/or fornicating on the grounds that marriage is a "sham" and they've seen first hand how "it doesn't work." The sad thing is, by engaging in these behaviors, these young people are putting themselves at greater risk for divorce or general relationship dysfunction.
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