Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
Your advice is just about 100% wrong. Men who do what you say are going to be seen as boring at best, creepy stalkers at worst.
Remember that just like men, women are attracted to what they can't easily obtain. Walking up to her like the Wuss of the Year and gushing about how wonderful she is is guaranteed to lead to disastrous failure. "Nice guys" always do this stuff, though...and that's why they always lose. ;)
OK, why is this thread 900 posts long? Did someone mention cheese-eating stuned møøse-biting beebers, or what?
It's a good thing there are holidays year 'round, or I might have to actually deal with it.
This thread's still going?!
Wow!
Something like that.
Also there were the moonpies and beer somewhere around the 600 mark...
Oh, man, I'd kill for a moonpie right about now. ^^
*misses Tennessee*
Morning, Rosie!
God lord!
Do you people ever sleep!?!
Post-election, people are tired of talking about politics, and would rather construct this do-it-yourself soap opera, instead. ;)
Hello, again.
never! LOL
You must be able to get lots of other good things, though! You're in Norway, your profile says?
I lived in Germany for four years, and though it's good to be back...sometimes I'd kill for some good German food! It just ain't available in rural Vermont!
Sleep is highly overrated.
I just got back from the Philippines last month. I got my Filipina. I am just waiting on the visa to be approved, so she can come to Calfornia. I told her to always remember she is a Filipina, which it why I chose her. The typhoons and earthquakes all came after I left. My long range plan, is to live in the Philippines. The dollar goes a long way, plus she is slowly teaching me to speak Tagalog. It is not easy, but I am making progress.
900 some-odd replies, I'd say this is an issue for most people.
What I see as having happened in the past 30 years or so is the growth of mutual selfishness among men and women.
Gender and culture once gave rule and direction to the participants.
When the feminazis came along and made believe that this 'rule' was on-sided they created an imbalance that causes most of the trouble today.
The fact is that 50 yrs ago, when a girl turned up pregnant TWO people were "in trouble" .
50 yrs ago a man, to BE a'Man', had to conduct himself with respect to women in certain ways that LIMITED (ruled)his nature directed impulses. A man OWED a woman something.
If a lot of men are creeps (and something damn near a majority of them are)thanks to the feminazis they owe NO ONE any thing.
Where as today as well as 50 yrs ago a woman had to be damn careful in who she chose, men today are running into woman who have read the magizine articles, seen Oprah, internalized their rubbish and present it to a man on dates and such as aspects of their personalities or.
I met a nice woman , 30, sweet and attractive who had made a chump of herself with her previous long term moron and she had in the intrim between he and me decided she would draw lines (the violation of which she apparently decide had gotten her into 'trouble' with the idiot).
What I saw was flashes of the real her alternating with a bitch. She was never nasty and I doubt that she was aware that I was aware of what was going on, but understanding didn't mitigate my dislike of someone I went to trouble to see and spend time with treating me, at times, the way an entire stranger might.
I stopped calling her.
Her problem was that SHE DIDN'T CUT THE JACK-ASS LOOSE WHEN SHE SHOULD HAVE.
The correct thing to do, for anyone, is to be yourself and take your chances. Girls are vulnerable in certain ways as are boys. These ways differ and aren't 'fair' but no amount of 'creating the new me' is going to iron that out.
I honestly think 'relations' between the sexes has found it's mean level.
Everyone is covered in scabs and determined not to get anymore. Why they don't just stay home and read a book is beyond me.
Want to have their cake and eat it too, I suppose.
My honey is from Southern Batangas, where is yours from? They survived the latest round of typhoons.
Yes, I am intimately familiar with the geography ans I know where Roblon and Palawan are. My honey wants to live in her province of Batangas, as long as it is not close to her relatives. I said that is fine with me. How are your language skills coming? It is a hard language, but I learn a little at a time. I have her on instant messaging, as we speak.
That is good, you were able to learn Tagalog. I guess if you can do it, I can do it too. Did you pick up a lot by watching TV, or simply by being exposed to it all the time? When you go to Palawan, you will be exposed to it again, unless they speak something other than Tagalog there.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.