Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
We're partially joking, I'd say. These threads are pathetically predictable.
I don't believe American women are any more or less hopeless than American men. That is to say, there is a decline in responsibility and morality and respect on both parts.
Chortle! I'm starting to feel guilty, like when I spent an afternoon watching the "Miami Vice" marathon on TV Land. Better go count my blessings and get some work done :-).
"Considering the attitude of many Japanese men, I can see why they want American husbands."
Japanese men are not anti-woman or anti-family. On the contrary they are very pro-family but they feel that they must sacrifice their own lives for the good of the family. They don't realize what they are missing out by working those 15 hour days. Those who have studied or lived in the west are not as prone to work so hard (and some hate the Japanese way), but if you are a doctor or a manager or higher in a company, it is expected that you work extremely hard to have a high social status and provide for your wife and children (even though you never see them very much). Clearly it is not a healthy system comparing it with a western background, and that is why it is cracking at the seams now.
You just haven't met the right American woman.
Last I looked, most folks aren't Orthodox Jews, which is a fairly insular segment of society, and not quite so swayed by feminism as society at large. It's hard to extrapolate much from your example, and I'd be quite surprised to learn of a 57% to 43% female to male disparity in college attendance among Orthodox Jews.
Some people use the abuse button like it was a Rapier.
With some people, your opinion is a valuable as theirs.....as long as it is the same opinion.
LOL.
Bitterness doesn't attract women? Who knew?
Not for a friend of mine. He hooked up with one, and she is a completely wack job. Spending them right into the poor house to boot.
I know what you mean.
Some of these threads can be more like WWE Smackdown.
Think I'll get back to work too. (BTW, got your note. Thanks!)
Oh no, not another woman bashing thread ...
You're welcome ... thanks again for the stickers!
American men have far more options in marrying a foreign spouse than American women do. There is higher foreign demand for American men than women. Why?
Lets hope their selection criteria consists of more than "American or European male." There are plenty of 'stinkers' around
Er, a complete wack job too.
She don't drive, don't work, but spends his money as fast as he makes it. I am talking a spending machine.
Only a matter of time till it ends in disaster.
What I was trying to tell you is that women in college is not anti-traditional roles. Unless you think the less educated women are the better.
Because foreigners have just as distorted and idealized an idea of American men as American men have of Asian women?
boomkmarked.
when they change the pologmy laws I can get me a young Japaneese wife too.
"Yeah. Like I'd want to marry a compliant doormat..."
The funny thing is... there are many men out there who do... I've dated lots of them... at least once...
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