Posted on 12/28/2004 3:03:45 AM PST by Woodworker
While I think you're doing the right thing by tossing him out of the house, I don't think he deserves the bitterness from you.
If you wonder why he is the way he is, you provide the clue when you describe your parenting style. You said it yourself:
1. "Our children wanted for nothing"
2. At least one is still living at home and is in his mid 20's.
3. I'm guessing neither of your sons paid you rent to live there after they were out of school.
Sorry to be so harsh, but I get tired of parents who coddle their kids and then get mad because they grow up to be irresponsible. These young men still need your love (which is expressed through appreciation and respect) and not your coddling (which is done by always rescuing them from their responsibilities). Check out www.loveandlogic.com for some more specific strategies.
There also seems to be a pervasive cultural pressure that says, "Live for today: your 20's are the only time in your life worth living, and if you don't have it all RIGHT NOW, you'll never get it or you'll be too old to enjoy it anyway." A brilliant marketing strategy for those who are selling expensive consumer electronics, but it's lousy financial planning advice. ;)
And in Maryland.
Not possible in the Age of Clinton. He made it so your paycheck gets garnished (regardless of whether or not you were faithful in your CS payments).
Well, as a person who did study French Impressionism in college- and LIKED it- I will be offended ;-)
No one puts a gun to anyones head and makes them go into debt. I have very little simpathy for people with bad credit ratings. It is a matter of personal responsibility. Live in the dorm all four years (or more). Eat in the cafeteria on the meal plan. SAVE your money instead of spending it all on your cell phone bill!
Ma Dad always preached the old adage about only borrowing for the house, the car, and for an education.
We have never borrowed for anything else and the only debt I have ever had to my name was for two of the above-mentioned three. And of course the debt I owe my Dad for his advice.
Call me debt-free and not shedding any tears for 33 year old architects in New York who can't manage a simple budget.
You're right, well put! I asked a friend at a Christmas party what he got for Christmas and his reply was, we really don't need anything.
It's the "Need it" as opposed to the "want it" generation.
If everyone had to go on a no-credit-card buying spree how much would really be bought with cash? Put Those evil credit card companies out of business ;)
You are absolutely right. But I would go farther. Most employers couldn't care less about where someone goes to school. They may want a college grad, but rarely do they care what college or university granted the degree. The exception would be in certain highly specialized fields where the school does make a difference. Only a handful of universities and colleges make any difference whatsoever to employment prospects. Going into major debt to attend an out of state institution is almost always a huge financial mistake.
Interestingly, a person's G.P.A. -- a big deal in college -- is seldom an issue in employment. In the course of my former career, I've looked at hundreds (maybe thousands) of employment applications from a variety of companies. Only a handful asked for a G.P.A.
I went through college having my meager income supplemented with grants, and a $15,000 student loan.
My son, who is active duty military, has completed an AA degree, a para-legal certification and is nearly complete on his bachelors, has done all this on the GI bill but it's part-time and taking years and years. My daughter starts at Smith in the fall. We estimate she'll graduate owing $60,000.
Love those STEP loans @ $15,000 per year....
Well, Smith is a choice, and a pricey one at that. It's a good school, one of the seven sisters of old WASP establishment fame, and probably still good for the connections. If your daughter was good enough to get into Smith, she could undoubtedly have gotten scholarships to your best in-state public university. That could be a hard choice, depending on the state (in Viriginia, Michigan, North Carolina, Texas, California, or Wisconsin, the top state schools might even be preferable; in Arkansas or North Dakota or Idaho, Smith wins hands down, in between, it gets harder)
I see you're in California.... why not the Big U (Berkeley) or UCLA?
"...our offspring and their proliferate lifestyles..."
Hmm, birth rates are down. "profligate"?
Closed to transferring economics majors.
Not possible in the Age of Clinton. He made it so your paycheck gets garnished (regardless of whether or not you were faithful in your CS payments)
There's at least one case in TN where, so far as I know, the father takes odd jobs, gets paid cash, and doesn't pay.
I didn't know Smith was known for economics. My older daughter (now a sophomore at St. Olaf) and several of her friends visited many of the seven sisters, but were all put off by the heavy lesbianism (one girl even had a pass made at her at Wellesley on her overnight!). My younger daughter and a friend visited Bryn Mawr this past fall and liked it better than the others. My daughter would have considered it seriously had they had a good music program.
I went 8 years with out a microwave and four with out a tv in my first place. I guess it was the way I was brought up. And I lived in Redmond, WA right across from microsoft making about 60-70k a year. Crazy
Smith isn't known for economics, but it is now part of a consortium including Amhearst and Mr. Holyoke which offer a greater diversity of courses and faculty. The lesbian thing causes me no small amount of concern, but boyfriend attends U Mass., so for now, I keep smiling.
Ah, the fog lifts. That five college consortium is a big selling point. All of those schools (except U.Mass) are outstanding in one or more areas, Amherst being generally the strongest. One of my daughter's friends was just accepted early decision to Amherst, another to Williams, three to Dartmouth, two to Harvard, one to Yale, one to Wesleyan, and one to Stanford. Big year. But, because my daugther wants music performance, she has to apply regular, go through auditions this winter, and won't know until April where she'll be going. Her considerations are very specific, however: which studios (that accept her) does she think will give her the best training and provide the best contacts for job opportunities. And then we have to figure the money out.... it's not worth going to a school even for free if you don't think the teacher can give you what you need, but there may well be some trade-offs that end up being made. Part of the problem is that the best and most selective school (right now) for her instrument happens to be very expensive and gives little merit aid. That one would be hard to turn down, even with some debt, because right now there's no 'second place' -- the next best is even harder to get into, but free (Curtis), and after than, we start making tradeoffs.
And don't we pay....
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