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Married, without children: Finding fulfillment with no kids
Rocky Mountain News ^ | 1/3/05 | Mark Wolf

Posted on 01/03/2005 8:31:56 AM PST by qam1

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To: July 4th
It will probably be quite some time before I find someone and then have kids with them. But that won't stop me from writing a book about childcare!

Heh.... one of the more selfish reasons I almost wish I were having kids, is so the terrible parents in my life would see for themselves that I know what I am talking about :~D

441 posted on 01/03/2005 12:21:27 PM PST by HairOfTheDog
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To: zoobee

Children never want to hear they are an accident. Accident implies unwanted.

I prefer to say "unscheduled" but wanted.

just my $0.02.


442 posted on 01/03/2005 12:23:42 PM PST by longtermmemmory (VOTE!)
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To: hopespringseternal
Not having children is a definite sign of immaturity.

Making blanket statements that have no basis in reality is a definite sign of immaturity.

Just because you weren't able to mature without having kids doesn't mean that the rest of us can't...
443 posted on 01/03/2005 12:23:52 PM PST by Stone Mountain
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To: conservative cat
It bothers you to get a Christmas card with someone's kid on it? Seriously? I have 3 kids and sometimes send out pics, sometimes not (and usually depending on the audience) but it would never offend me if someone sent me a card with their dog or boat or even their favorite potted plant on it. I did work with someone once who gave her coworkers pictures of her kid to put on their desks. That to me was irritating.

It doesn't bother me. I just find it odd that my firends think I care what their kids look like at Christmas. I would just as soon get a nativity scene or something.

444 posted on 01/03/2005 12:24:15 PM PST by bigeasy_70118
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To: Aquinasfan

Society reward the institution not the individual. Institutions do not get measured by the anecdotal exception that proves the rule.


445 posted on 01/03/2005 12:25:00 PM PST by longtermmemmory (VOTE!)
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To: Aquinasfan
Besides slapping God in the face

And God told you this directly? You have an insight into The Almighty's thoughts and desires? He came down to you and expressed His Divine Displeasure about somehow forcing those who do not feel the self-centered urge to make a half-harted stab at some sort of immortality?

Insolent, Self-Rightous, Blasphemous and Sanctimonious!

446 posted on 01/03/2005 12:26:14 PM PST by freedumb2003 (My DU name is Bunny Planet and I don't care who knows it! Everyone reveal yours!)
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To: longtermmemmory

Accident implies unwanted.
___________________________________________________________

It sure does, doesn't it? I prefer the term surprise. Then again, I like surprises. :)


447 posted on 01/03/2005 12:26:56 PM PST by exnavychick (Just my two cents, as usual.)
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To: HairOfTheDog
"What do I want? For people making judgments about me or giving me advice to at least make a fair analysis of what is actually driving my decision, and it is much more complex than just some misguided affection for animals over people, which is not in anything I have said."

You've posted many reasons to not have children....and top on the list seems to be your horse. BTW, you refered to having a child as a "whim" in that post. I let that one go because I obviously don't have much in common with you....and gave you my best wishes anyway. If that's not enough for you, then that's just too bad.

448 posted on 01/03/2005 12:30:36 PM PST by Artist
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To: Stone Mountain
Just because you weren't able to mature without having kids doesn't mean that the rest of us can't...

Another one of those mythical internet beasts.

449 posted on 01/03/2005 12:31:59 PM PST by hopespringseternal
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To: Abigail Adams

The purpose of Mr. Wolf in writing this article is to equate the couple who DECIDES to not have children with the homosexual marriage which can never produce a child.

This tempest in a teapot is what homoadvocate Wolf wants. There is a very big difference between a man and a woman who make a conscious decision not to have a child within a marriage vs a homosexual couple which will never produce a child together.

A married normal couple deciding not to have a child still promotes the institution of marriage vs the sodomite couple which is seeking to base a marriage on mere fetish based orgasm.

a simple search of Mr. Wolf past articles establishes this propaganda.

I see no reason to condem the couple who decides to have no children any more than I would condemn the couple that has one child instead of twenty children.

We should be focusing on keeping marriage as the institution where this decision shall continue to exist. We must oppose any American Bar Association efforts to remove the child/no child issue from marriage as an insititution.


450 posted on 01/03/2005 12:33:53 PM PST by longtermmemmory (VOTE!)
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To: Xenalyte
I'm 36...

You're only 36! Based on the thoughtfulness of your posts, I thought you were a lot older and worldliwise.

By the time you get to be my age, you'll be a friggin' genius (like me). : )

Here's a question for unmarried women in their 30s - any thought to adopting older children?

451 posted on 01/03/2005 12:39:44 PM PST by radiohead
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To: olivia3boys

The Bible says that God is love. Therefore, you know love when you know God.

It does not say that you will know love only if you have a child.


452 posted on 01/03/2005 12:41:05 PM PST by Abigail Adams
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To: Stone Mountain

I certainly missed them. Can you provide a link? Thanks in advance...

See 226


453 posted on 01/03/2005 12:42:43 PM PST by Raycpa (Alias, VRWC_minion,)
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To: Artist

I didn't say childrearing was a whim, I was saying it wasn't something I should just up and decide to do on advice from a stranger on a message board. My husband and I have made a lot of agreements about our life, and it would be mighty unfair to turn that all upside down lightly, don't you think?

You don't read very carefully, so I won't bother reasoned multi-point responses.


454 posted on 01/03/2005 12:45:56 PM PST by HairOfTheDog
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To: qam1
You know, someday I hope there'll be an article titled, "Grandparents who don't want grandchildren"-- I think there may be more out there than is spoken about, and I'm not ashamed to say I'd like to talk to someone with similar experiences.

What happens when you marry into a family that treats you like some kind of disgusting babymaking machine as soon as you have a kid? Eeeew. What'd you go and do that for?

455 posted on 01/03/2005 12:47:58 PM PST by Mamzelle
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To: Slyfox

And everytime I read an article like this it reminds me of the parents I have to counsel today about how their kid got arrested for this or how the kid got caught with drugs at school, or how the did now live at their home with his seperated life with their 3 kids and we are "supporting them again" and on and on and on. Yep, some people who had kids should never have had them and many who didn't probably should have.


456 posted on 01/03/2005 12:51:30 PM PST by thesoothsayers
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To: Tax-chick

UH, bad news for you, most couples, who are not having children are educated, and conservative and practice birth control. Very bad news for you.


457 posted on 01/03/2005 12:54:10 PM PST by thesoothsayers
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To: Aquinasfan

I am beginning to think that the most selfish, arrogant, self-righteous people in our society are parents.

Look at what some people are posting here. That people without kids are selfish, liberal, bad for society, and living outside of God's will.

You say that the primary purpose of marriage is procreation? God created Eve for Adam, because "it was not good for Adam to be alone." So the primary purpose of marriage is companionship. God did not say that "it was not good for Adam to be without children."

Plus, what would you say to people who are unable to have children? Has God cursed them? Why would he make it impossible for them to do his will, if having children is his will?

I think parents call childfree couples "selfish" because they are convinced that they themselves are saints. After all, doesn't staying up all night feeding a baby make you more spiritual? Isn't it oh so giving to take your kids to soccer practice every day? Doesn't it make you a better citizen if you give up your retirement savings to send your kids to college? Come on now, let's all bow down to the almighty parent and give them a medal for their selfless, saintly sleepless nights!

Perhaps parents can't admit to themselves that it's okay NOT to have kids. Because if they thought it was okay, then maybe they would have chosen not to have them. But, shhhh! we can't be thinking thoughts like that now, can we?

My God does not tell people they have to get married, and that being single is less spiritual. He does not tell people they have to have kids if they don't want to. He does not only use people who have kids to fulfull his divine purposes. So, I hope you're happy with your God. I sure am happy with mine.


458 posted on 01/03/2005 12:55:04 PM PST by Abigail Adams
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To: Tax-chick
Honey, you're a whiny liberal tweedle, and I'm delighted you've decided not to reproduce.

Who knows she could have had an Alex P. Keaton type of kid

459 posted on 01/03/2005 12:55:28 PM PST by qam1 (Anyone who was born in New Jersey should not be allowed to drive at night or on hills.)
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To: All

I wish no one invented Birth control.. Trying to convince wife to start a family. She is being stubborn. She wants to wait however she is 33 and will turn 34 next month.. Time is a wasting...


460 posted on 01/03/2005 12:56:52 PM PST by KevinDavis (Let the meek inherit the Earth, the rest of us will explore the stars!)
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