Why VERY INTELLIGENT Men Fail With Women

bullz-eye.com ^ | 04/07/05 | by: David DeAngelo, Author of "Double Your Dating"

[HitmanLV]

Wise words! Then again, those single guys might meet the Klingon of their dreams! For every pot there is a lid, my granny would say! ;-)

[supercat]

So if I'm stupid, chicks will dig me? Or just stupid chicks?

Reminds me of the dialogue between Adam and God.

Adam: Why did you make Eve so beautiful?
God: So you would like her.
Adam: That makes sense, but why did you make her so stupid?
God: So she would like you.

An old one, but somewhat funny nonetheless.

[Hetty_Fauxvert]

Shut the F&%K up! Stop talking. Let her talk and keep your mouth shut until she invites you to say something. Say it quick, make sure whatever you say is about her; preferably a question about her, then shut up again until the next time she stops talking long enough for you to say something else about her.

Pukin' Dog is 99% right. I'm a member of Mensa, and have had the privilege of being hit on by lots of card-carrying smart men, and watching other women being hit upon by the same. The number one mistake they make is in fact a social mistake, which is that they think if they talk about themselves nonstop, it will fascinate the woman and show her their manly prowess.

The tiny part that PD does not have right is the fact that the conversation should NOT be 100% about the woman, since that too is a tip-off that you're following a formula. Just hold a conversation, a reasonably normal conversation, about subjects the woman seems to be *interested* in. (Which may or may not be herself and her life.) I met the man who became my husband (14 years now!) at a Mensa party, and we talked for most of the evening about Heinlein's novels -- a subject we were *both* interested in. Then he followed up at the end of the evening by actually asking me out. Slam dunk!

[sweetliberty]

"Dumb men are a turn off. Smart men are sexy!"

I couldn't agree more! Testosterone and brains, in the right balance, is a very sexy combination. Dumb men don't have anything I want.

[supercat]

Just hold a conversation, a reasonably normal conversation, about subjects the woman seems to be *interested* in.

My first date with my wife was at a Barnes and Noble. We just sat around drinking soda and talking. And talking. And talking. From 7:00pm to 11:00pm. At the end of the evening, I had no particular romantic interest in that woman, but just had to get together to continue our conversation.

[Tench_Coxe]

bookmark

[sweetliberty]

ROTFL!

[Sam Cree]

I didn't read the article, since I figured it wasn't directed at me...

But your namesake, who is my major inspiration, had something to say (that I'm sure you are aware of) that probably has a bearing on why intellects have trouble getting cute girls. Hayek thought that the reason intellectuals run into so much trouble is simply because they place too much value on their intellect.

That being said, I think the poster who said be yourself has it right - your best self, of course.

[goldstategop]

LOL! Psych pop garbage. Treat people right and people will find you worth spending their time with you. It isn't really that complicated. Manipulation will get you nowhere. Sincere compliments with go a long way with people than devious flattery. You don't need to spend big bucks to have success with people. I said people - not women. The same skills that you have for dealing with workers, friends and strangers work as well in romantic pursuits. There's no mystery to what you need to do to get someone interested in you. Treat them right.

(Denny Crane: "Sometimes you can only look for answers from God and failing that... and Fox News".)

[FierceKulak]

LMTO. I'm making that my tagline.

[FierceKulak]

I have observed the "girls don't like nice guys" phenomenon and believe that it's better described as women preferring a bad guy who's tough over a nice wimp.

[archy]

137 reasons why this thread should not have continued this long....

138.

[Junior]

"This is why we turn to alcohol" ping.

[HitmanLV]

I agree, that's a huge part of it, something 'nice guys' are unable to cope with.

I have gone into it in depth on FR before, but the executive report is at Post #77 in this thread.

[HitmanLV]

Well, I also advise men of a sure-fire way to nab a southwestern hottie for the night - be sure and sing 'Deep in the Heart of Texas' at the Kareoke portion of the eve at the Piano Bar at Harrahs on the Las Vegas strip. ;-)

The stars at night are big and bright
Deep in the heart of Texas!
The prairie sky is wide and high
Deep in the heart of Texas!
The sage in bloom is like perfume
Deep in the heart of Texas!
Reminds me of the one that I love
Deep in the heart of Texas!

The coyotes wail along the trail
Deep in the heart of Texas!
The rabbits rush around the brush
Deep in the heart of Texas!
The cowboys cry, "Ki yippee yi!"
Deep in the heart of Texas!
The dogies bawl and bawl and bawl
Deep in the heart of Texas!!!

The second part is my favorite (especially "Ki yippee yi!"), but tends to be downplayed in favor of the more high-profile first part of the song! ;-)

[ryan71]

"LOL! Psych pop garbage. Treat people right and people will find you worth spending their time with you. It isn't really that complicated. Manipulation will get you nowhere. Sincere compliments with go a long way with people than devious flattery. You don't need to spend big bucks to have success with people. I said people - not women. The same skills that you have for dealing with workers, friends and strangers work as well in romantic pursuits. There's no mystery to what you need to do to get someone interested in you. Treat them right."

Words of wisdom!!!

Thanks!!!

[TheWriterTX]

Enough of this nonsense, already!

The number one reason smart guys and nice guys finish last in the female department is a perceived lack of testosterone.

I've known several wonderful guys in my day, sweet, wonderful, brilliant, funny guys. My family adored them, my friends liked them, my parents gave the thumbs up as potential spouses.

Only one problem: they did not exude masculinity. Despite the protestations of "liberal" women, most of the women I know (particularly the conservative women) want a man they know will stand between them and danger. It's an instinctual thing; the need for a "protector" is hard-wired into our beings. This by no means precludes a woman who wants to face the danger herself, mind you, but at the end of the day, she wants someone who will either stand beside or in front of her when a situation becomes menacing.

I do not doubt these wonderful men from my past would do their best, but my feminine side did not respond to them. Not coincidentally, I married a man who is not only wonderful and intelligent, but is capable of beating the stuffing out of anyone who threatens me or our children.

At first glance, most people would dismiss him as a brainless brute; but for those who stopped to talk to him, they would discover he is a man with a sharp intellect, great instincts, multiple talents, a devoted father, and a very loving husband.

So for all those smart guys out there who bemoan the lack of female company, or who may presume that the "jocks" of the world have nothing to offer, a word of advice: just as brains can be very enticing, a woman (in her secret heart, anyway) wants to know that when a man takes her in his arms, he is going to make her knees buckle with his passion (if you get my meaning). A little testosterone is a good thing!

[ryan71]

Good assumption.

Smart person. Horrible with people.

[Rca2000]

Here we go again.... this kind of social chatter occurs every few days on FR, it seems(during the Schiavo mess, there was a bit of a lull..)Maybe it is needed I guess.

BUT-- I have some questions-- and I think other men have them too, but are afraid to ask, for fear of retaliation from other Freepers. Since I ALWAYS get flamed, at nearly every post, I am getting used to it now.

(1) in the mid to later '80's, A study was made by some prominent psychologists, stating that men should NOT be turned on ,by a woman's dress, in other words, appearance, and clothing, or, lack of such. IE;if a naked woman walks by a man, he should NOT respond, either verbally OR physically. This was on Oprah a LONG time ago, and led to the Visual-harassment laws now present, where a man (ONLY a man) can get CHARGED by LOOKING at a woman, in skimpy attire, for more than 9 seconds!!)(IMHO-- all of this was engendered by the homosexual movement, designed to drive a wedge between the normal male-female relationship and flirting skills, but, I digress....)

(2) Women get upset because men, especially nice men, don't talk to them much.... BUT... a MAN can get CHARGED with HARASSMENT for merely telling a woman "you look nice today", or asking out a woman ONCE, or similar. SO-- how does a man safely approach another woman, without fear of repercussions?

(3) some women say "all sex with men is rape", I think these are probably lesbians. BUT-- you have all of these channels, that cater to the "men are always rapists/murders/molesters", such as "lifetime", daily grinding this into womens heads.

(4) if women do NOT want men to look at them, WHY then, do they dress in such a way, as to get men to do so? If they do not want men to look, who then, do they desire to notice them? other women? I do not ask this, to be funny-- rather, it seems that today, a lOT of women and womens groups, are sending so many mixed messages to men, such as-- stay away, or i'll sue, then, "where are you?, or "don't look at me" and then"why won't he notice me?, don't speak to me, or i'll sue, and then, "why won't he just talk to me"... and such. so what is it-- are men supposed to ignore women, or talk to them, and when is it safe to do so, without "breaking the law?

[gidget7]

There ya go, goldstategop!! Your post seems to make the most sense to me!!

Use good manners if you have them, if you don't have them.........learn!! Women are just people, treat them as you would anyone you want to know better, and your all set. But for heaven sake guys, remember, she isn't one of the guys! Good manners dictate, you don't talk to a women as you might your buddies. The old cliche' "not in mixed company" applies here. Treat her like a lady when you're out, and if she protests, she is a feminist, and you don't want to know her anyway.