I have one right here...
Posted on 07/08/2005 9:59:45 AM PDT by Exton1
Crimes we share aren't cinematic. On a broad scale, 9-11 and genocide are true crimes against people. How do we describe to children, that the reality of life is not always fables and fantasy without scaring them too much?
Anyone responsible for raising a boy can not afford to bury his/her head in optimism. Denial did not protect the United States from 9-11, nor will it protect your son from a pedophile.
Crimes against boys bring emotional challenge from a society that does not discuss male sexuality. However, society's ignorance by default places the burden of proof completely upon the boy, not the adult responsible. For the past 25 years, statistics remain constant that 1-in-5 boys experience sexual abuse prior to the age of 16. This statistic represents a good-sized number, roughly 30,000,000 males in the United States, or the population of California.
These statistics may be conservative however, because the issue of sexual assault on boys is not fully understood. The stigma attached to males --they should be able to protect themselves-- does encourage males to keep issues they face hidden from parents or friends. Furthermore, gay men in particular, are less likely to report sexual assault at any age, for male-to-male sexual content is more acceptable.
Throughout the 1980s and '90s, the stigma around boyhood assault has decreased due to high profile court cases. The Internet also acts as a "community" for males to discuss their abuse anonymously without risk of judgement by those they know.
From criminal research, we know that pedophiles were molested as boys, or shown how to molest, and that on the average, serial pedophiles molested 120 boys each before being caught. Serial pedophiles will molest boys and girls; however, the number of girls is 84 per pedophile. Women on the other hand are more likely to experience rape as an adult. Is there a permanent cure for sexual predators? Sadly, we don't know.
If the numbers aren’t of concern there are other factors to consider before deciding this problem isn’t a big deal. It is virtually impossible to be molested as a child and grow up to live a healthy, productive life without post-assault treatment.
Children need to recover in order to accept the crime committed to their body. Those who do not recover grow into adulthood severely marred by the body trauma. Males who have been assaulted as children exhibit behaviors ranging from drug and alcohol abuse to violent crime—including sexual assault.
Boys who have been molested will often act out sexually, or aggressively toward themselves or others after their assault. Ironically, those "tough boys" we knew as children were tough for a reason. Research shows that young male victims are five times more likely to commit a crime before age 18. Boys keep their molest secret for fear of being judged gay or of being weak. Actions speak for words.
My research has shown me that once a boy is assaulted, his chance of being victimized again quadruples. Three out of four inner-city gangs use sexual assault on new members as part of initiation. The leading cause of attempted suicide among males is rooted in prior sexual assault. More than 90 percent of teenage alcoholics and drug addicts in treatment have reported being victims of sexual assault.
The Adult Response
In a rational and kind community, what purpose would public places serve where men congregate for sexual stimulation? In every major city, certain clubs, and parks are notorious spots for men to seek anonymous sexual gratification. Internet sites provide directions, locations, and specific times for sexual encounters. Men seeking anonymous sex with women is more acceptable by society, and is available through clubs, bars, and brothels. Men-to-men encounters are not acceptable, thus, engagement becomes more creative often in out-of-the way places, or public toilets, parks, and book stores.
Who are these men? The purpose of this story is not to identify anonymous meeting places. However, any search engine will display this information for your area by simply typing "sexual encounter" "(your city)."
The men who frequent parks or clubs are not all victims of childhood sexual abuse. But the act of anonymous sexual gratification is often found as a symptom of the male's attempt to gain control of his life -- which to him is out of control. Male victims do see their lives as "out-of-control."
These men are not anonymous afterall. They may have arrived at a truck stop or park for pleasure from another town. They may be a priest, a teacher, a coworker, a father, a husband, or a friend. The act of anonymous sex continues the path of secrecy, denial, and sadistically will keep the (adult) child's molest alive.
Men who exhibit the need for sexual gratification in anonymous habit, exhibit addictive behavior. There is a direct correlation between adult sexual addiction and childhood sexual assault.
Anything that keeps the man from admitting his failure to protect himself will appear to help him forget the pain, whether it is the high from anonymous sex, or the high from drugs, or the similar high that some men experience from consuming themselves with work. The technique to deny one's activity can be masterfully creative. It sets the stage for his life, of which he is the producer, actor, and audience. It separates their addictive behavior from rational behavior by becoming an emotionally removed observer.
As the survivor of a sexual assault that occurred when I was 15, I have always found it difficult to describe the fury of emotions and self-assessment that followed the crime. Along with my sister and 65 others in San Juan Capistrano, CA, my rapist, Gerald "Jerry" P Young, faced only a handful of days in jail for his crimes against both boys and girls.
Even though I coped, my struggle is made insignificant with words. I felt worthless, helpless, and guilt blossomed inside and rooted into every nerve. By not having been able to fight Jerry off my body, I told myself, I was therefore a wimp, and insignificant and horrid waste of a man, a fag. There was no one to tell. I didn’t cry, I didn’t laugh, and above all I didn’t feel, because feelings would build me into a raging maniac. I kept everyone away by hurting them, believing on some level that in this way I would ensure that no one would ever be close enough to hurt me again. No one had told me that an adult would harm a child. I wondered what else they hadn’t told me about life, what other lies would haunt me as I grew into adulthood.
When I finally turned to my parents, only after learning of my sister's repeated molests, we turned to our Catholic Parish priest. He advised us to "forgive and forget." Those words the Catholic Church uses often. Why would a respected priest ignore my parent's request for consolation? He ignored my (adult) request for answer 15 years later, and now he lives in retirement.
There is no quick recovery for adult men, but it is possible, and worth the effort. Healing the crime may be the greatest challenge during his lifetime. Healing can drain a survivor of everything he ever learned about life, people and religion, and there is a tendency to become physically exhausted for months or longer. Binge-drinking somehow seems easier to fall back on, but with the professional skills of a trained therapist, victims can move on.
The process for an adult male will turn your life upside down. Everyone the victim knows might become a stranger, except for his therapist and other survivors. Maybe this is why so many men choose another way out. After recovery, males do emerge stronger, healthier, and can experience joy in life. It is far easier to help a boy immediately following a molest, rather than waiting for him to enter adulthood with scars and baggage.
What hurts today is the way in which society remains out of focus and seemingly uninterested in the sexual abuse of a boy. It’s much easier to believe a boy is reporting a false memory, because it makes the real world seem a bit safer if everything we say is a fantasy. It remains taboo for a boy to discuss what happened. Just as it remains taboo for 9-11 witnesses to admit they still experience nightmares. Tragic circumstances require community patience, interaction, and support. Silence condones tragedy, and leaves victims out-in-the-cold.
Parents assume an apathetic role because they say, "It won’t happen to my son. It only happens to . . ." (fill in the blank—Black kids, gay people, etc.). The evidence of denial grows as the communities build guarded gates and private schools, all in hopes of protecting their children from someone who fits society’s stereotype of a child molester -- the rare occurence of stranger danger, which accounts for less than 1 percent of all pedophilia instances.
No matter what we do, pedophiles are the only people who have cracked the system. Their crimes generally go undetected by the parents of their victims until the damage is done, and if offenders are caught, their sentences generally last no more than two years. Only pedophiles who murder a child (2 in 10,000) receive enough press coverage to rally community action.
While President George W Bush was governor of Texas, he supported legislative proposal to castrate pedophiles. The propose itself is a myth, drawn with good intentions, it fails to address the issue head-on. Nor does castration remove "the hands" that molest a boy or girl... (then Governor) Bush commented for this article that rape was a "Woman thing," and he would be dropping financial support to keep the month of April, Sexual Assault Awareness Month, in Texas. (This program was initiated by former Gov. Anne Richards, at a state cost of $150,000.)
What we need for our children is an environment that ends the cycle of abuse; and embraces a boy who has the courage to tell of his rape. There is no mental cure for pedophiles. Victims can emerge victorious. We must believe a boy who tells, and support him, and not make him responsible for holding the burden of the adult act. Being molested is not what a boy wants. Even though it is out of his control, he all too often is the only person who pays.
Jeffrey Allen Miller was Director of National Rape Awareness Day, 24 April, 1994-1996
Dana Wilson
Sherman, TX
"My son was molested by our neighbor and I'm sorry to say my husband and I didn't handle it well. If I only knew then what I know today, I'd have been a better mother. If any other parents read this and think their son will forget what happened, you are dead wrong. We thought he was doing ok and it wasn't until after his suicide that we found a diary that he'd kept for two years. He struggled with his sexuality after his molest, it seems like, every day in his journal and yet never talked to us about it. His biggest fear was being gay, and no one told us or him that being molested doesn't mean it changes your sexual identity. Thank you for being outspoken. I hope your story reaches other parents before they have to understand what killed their son."
While President George W Bush was governor of Texas, he supported legislative proposal to castrate pedophiles. The propose itself is a myth, drawn with good intentions, it fails to address the issue head-on.Pun intended?
-Eric
God bless the victims. Shame on those who could do something and don't.
NAMBLA is unbelievably evil.
Agreed
When I saw this quote, I couldn't help but think of this one.
"Fairy tales do not tell children the dragons exist. Children already know that dragons exist. Fairy tales tell children the dragons can be killed."--G. K. Chesterton
Keeping our children ignorant of the world's evils not only fails to protect them from evil, it may very well make them more vulnerable to it.
I dunno. When I was 13, I received one or two solicitations, and always said no, I'm not interested. Surely boys who are 15 or 16 should know to do this.
You'd be surprised how many pedophiles live lives as "normal heterosexuals."
The one that raped me had, at one time (when he came over to our house about 7 years ago--he was the son of the couple that lived next-door), a wife and a daughter. It wasn't until this past year I made the incidents known to my parents; luckily we've not lived in that house (nor the same state, for that matter) for these past 5 years.
I have one right here...
There also lies a problem, though, with individuals in a position of trust or power with children that leave them more susceptible for rape than the stereotypical stranger-on-the-street offering candy/looking for a lost pet.
Source link for this? Suddenly you're posting a whole bunch of articles, most of them months or years old.
Of course we do.
My point is that if you're a teenager, you're not a child any more. You're supposed to understand moral responsibility and know right from wrong. You also should have an idea of what the laws and customs of your country are, and how to contact the authorities in case of trouble.
NAMBLA is unbelievably evil.
Hard to argue. But when deciding to fight against evil how does one choose a targer? Foreign, or Domestic? Easist to eliminate, or most dangerous? Public or Private sector? A subtle form of evil or overt? Do you attack evil groups or do you debunk evil ideas? (peta or enviromentalism)
Nambla? Peta? Hamas?
Once you pick a target what weapons do you use? Long winded speaches to affect hearts and minds? Satire to tease the intellect? Casual conversation with friends? Boycotts? Legislation? Propoganda? Covert/Outright Violence?
Whether you say no or go along depends on your understanding. At first I said Yes, thought about it and decided to not pursue it further. He made several more attempts at ingratiating himself, offered me a job Etc. He did not force himself, but I was just learning about sexuality. I was paraded through the San Francisco homosexual community, they must have all thought that my molestor was a big success. I just thought I was taking a lunch break. I was offered his help in getting laid by a prostitute too. Another thing I decided I did not want.
I kept this all to myself and worked it out on my own. I rationalized that lots of boys my age experiment and "fool around". Not sure whether professional help would have been an improvement. I seem normal now, happily married and a raised Eagle Scout. (I did fail in my first marriage though, but I don't think it is related to that earlier sexual experience.) One cannot take a different road, or change the past. But I do have a bias against any opening up of "rights for homosexuals". They would forever be in the closet in my world.
Today's Boy Scouts are better taught, learning at an early age that this is simply wrong. No such chapter in my handbook for boys, only to respect adults, No adult spent time alone with our son. None whatsoever.
My parents too had no knowledge that this was happening from this very fine and wonderful man who entered their life and possibly represented a big growth in their success in business. (What a smooth talker.) We told them much later. They were surprised when they learned, had no idea at the time. I found out at this time that he also molested my younger brother when he was not molesting me. My brother (four years my junior) later dropped out of high school, eloped with his girlfriend to the Haight Ashbury drug scene in San Francisco, and many years and several children later his drug habbit led to his deatn. Again, he kept his story to himself. His close family members did not know that his "flower child" drug use continued into his forties. Was this related to sex abuse? Was it more likely parental neglect? How much was just the Woodstock environment?
Do I believe this molestor was a serial molestor? Yes, and he doubtless continued his ways through many other lives. He would be in his 80s or 90s now if he still lives. I wish him a hot cornor in hell, but do not plan any earthly justice.
You have to have some compassion for the state of California--no wonder it's so screwed up.
There's still the possibility that violent coercion can occur against the victim--the author never stated the exact nature of the assault, didn't go into exact detail on what happened. And with an older victim, chances are that some form of coercion was probably used. In my case I was between 7 and 8, was naive as hell, and didn't really understand what was going on. After the fact I was told never to tell anyone, "or else". And at younger ages, with someone you have trust in, you really don't know what to do, and that's what becomes scary--that sense of confusion and trying to grasp exactly what happened.
I'd suggest you avoid the NAMBLA booth at the Democratic Convention. Seriously, if castration doesn't do the trick then the penalty for this most heinous crime should be life without parole. Even aged pedophiles commit their dirty work long after most normal heterosexuals have greatly curtailed any sexual activity.
bump
While a teenager isn't a child, few 15 year olds has can stand up to the twisted logic of a 40+ year old sicko. It doesn't matter how smart or moral the 15 year old is he is simply no match for a deviant with 20+ years of practice of psychological trickery. The kid is too young and has little or no experiance with fighting off an attacker who probally very trusted by the family, perhaps a favorite uncle or such.
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