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Why Im Divorced And why youre next
hartford advocate.com ^ | August 25, 2005 | by Annabel Lee

Posted on 08/30/2005 10:14:07 PM PDT by tbird5

I've seen two movies lately, one very funny ( Wedding Crashers ) and one infuriatingly stupid ( Must Love Dogs ), but both baffling in their lockstep to happily-ever-afterland. Why does romantic love, the kind that doesn't occur in life except fleetingly and disappointingly, still play to the crowds? I give the impecunious boat-builder and the petit bourgeois schoolteacher five years at the outside -- he's not going to keep her in end-tables. And Daddy's Little Girl will have ditched the immature arriviste long before that.

Why, in an era when men and women can barely achieve détente, in a First World where everyone suffers from attachment disorder, are we still ponying up for marriage? On the HBO series Six Feet Under a show I adore because all the characters behave abominably at all times, yet never manage to have more than a millisecond of fun men and women can't stay married or remain faithful from one week to the next. We're not quite that bad, we HBO viewers, but we're getting there.

I'm no historian, but it doesn't take a Paul Johnson (author of A History of the American People ) to tell us why it's so hard to stay married. We live too long. Marriage is a naturally polarizing process that causes one person to detest, over time, what the other person loves. Only after a couple divorces do they move back toward the center, where their interest in one another began. (I knew a man who left his wife because of the endless chintz and throw pillows. I went to visit him once in his new Bauhaus apartment, but he couldn't really talk he was too distracted by trying to choose the right tassels for his new Salamandre curtains.)

(Excerpt) Read more at hartfordadvocate.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: divorce; schadenfreude; themarriagebubble
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1 posted on 08/30/2005 10:14:08 PM PDT by tbird5
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To: tbird5

she sounds like a truly miserable person.


2 posted on 08/30/2005 10:20:40 PM PDT by flashbunny (Always remember to bring a towel!)
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To: tbird5

There will always be a new crop, that wants to tie the knot with their one true love. Having been through one divorce myself, I'm very glad I took another dive into the marriage pool. The second time around was a winner.


3 posted on 08/30/2005 10:21:35 PM PDT by DoughtyOne (US socialist liberalism would be dead without the help of politicians who claim to be conservative.)
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To: tbird5
Kack. Now I have to go outside and scrape this crap off my shoes...

After 30 rollicking years with a strapping Minnesota farmer, I can tell you that this poor person with the spoofy nom de plume needs to get out more often. Go find someplace that isn't paved, kiddo. Find a place where the sun really shines and there is real grass and dirt, and get a LIFE.

4 posted on 08/30/2005 10:24:49 PM PDT by redhead (I didn't come from any monkey, and the earth is NOT my MOTHER!)
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To: tbird5

What a sad commentary on life.

I've been married 22 years, and I'm pretty sure my wife and I don't hate each other any more than we did when we were newlyweds.

Marriage is pretty simple. Once you realise you are stuck and simply HAVE to make it work, the rest is all downhill.

Of course, it's easy for me to say, because my wife doesn't beat me.


5 posted on 08/30/2005 10:26:17 PM PDT by CharlesWayneCT
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To: flashbunny

very bitter and self-absorbed. Obviously she's incapable of keeping a long term relationship. Probably watches sex and the city a lot.



6 posted on 08/30/2005 10:29:43 PM PDT by Proud_USA_Republican
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To: tbird5

Not a very nice article.


7 posted on 08/30/2005 10:30:38 PM PDT by dennisw (***)
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To: tbird5

Holy heck! This has got to be just about the most bitter article I have ever read on any subject. I was going to say 'you forgot the barf alert', but forget it, it would never suffice.

I feel sorry for the poor kid, and btw, GREAT POST!


8 posted on 08/30/2005 10:31:43 PM PDT by jocon307
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To: jocon307

Particularly funny, to me anyway, she can't spell Scalamandre......she spells it rather as if it were some sort of french lizard. Shows what she knows...


9 posted on 08/30/2005 10:36:26 PM PDT by Aria (Terri: Do not ask for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee)
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To: tbird5

Its little wonder the author is divorced. It is quite clear that she never had a clue what a marriage was to begin with. If you don't start with a true sacramental marriage, your chances suffer. If you start with the meaningless parody she started with, you are doomed.

patent


10 posted on 08/30/2005 10:36:56 PM PDT by patent (A baby is God's opinion that life should go on. Carl Sandburg)
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To: tbird5
Why does romantic love, the kind that doesn't occur in life except fleetingly and disappointingly, still play to the crowds?

Uh, because us crowds are romantically in love, for many years and are mature enough to overcome a few minor disappointments?

11 posted on 08/30/2005 10:37:11 PM PDT by DTogo (U.S. out of the U.N. & U.N out of the U.S.)
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To: tbird5
Modern day Feminism has turned women into self absorbed megalomaniacs and men into spinless panty wearing pansy's. The rising divorce rate has many starting points but Rosy the riveter and modern Feminism are about as good of a place to start as any.
12 posted on 08/30/2005 10:38:13 PM PDT by kublia khan (absolute war brings total victory)
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To: flashbunny

She's divorced because she probably knew what was best for her ex also.....


13 posted on 08/30/2005 10:41:36 PM PDT by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. )
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To: kublia khan
Modern day Feminism has turned women into self absorbed megalomaniacs and men into spinless panty wearing pansy's. The rising divorce rate has many starting points but Rosy the riveter and modern Feminism are about as good of a place to start as any.

Amen.

14 posted on 08/30/2005 10:42:11 PM PDT by fortheDeclaration (Gal.4:16)
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To: DTogo

"...because us crowds are romantically in love..."

I love that! Romantically, even!


15 posted on 08/30/2005 10:42:48 PM PDT by jocon307
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To: tbird5

What ails this dingbat?


16 posted on 08/30/2005 10:44:48 PM PDT by Gabz (USSG Warning: portable sewing machines are known to cause broken ankles)
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To: redhead

"...this poor person with the spoofy nom de plume..."

Good catch!

It was many and many a year ago,
In a kingdom by the sea,
That a maiden there lived whom you may know
By the name of ANNABEL LEE;
And this maiden she lived with no other thought
Than to love and be loved by me.

I was a child and she was a child,
In this kingdom by the sea;
But we loved with a love that was more than love-
I and my Annabel Lee;
With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
Coveted her and me.

And this was the reason that, long ago,
In this kingdom by the sea,
A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
My beautiful Annabel Lee;
So that her highborn kinsman came
And bore her away from me,
To shut her up in a sepulchre
In this kingdom by the sea.

The angels, not half so happy in heaven,
Went envying her and me-
Yes!- that was the reason (as all men know,
In this kingdom by the sea)
That the wind came out of the cloud by night,
Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee.

But our love it was stronger by far than the love
Of those who were older than we-
Of many far wiser than we-
And neither the angels in heaven above,
Nor the demons down under the sea,
Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee.

For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
Of the beautiful Annabel Lee;
And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
Of my darling- my darling- my life and my bride,
In the sepulchre there by the sea,
In her tomb by the sounding sea.


17 posted on 08/30/2005 10:45:15 PM PDT by jocon307
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To: DoughtyOne
The second time around was a winner.

You were right - we would agree on another topic :)

18 posted on 08/30/2005 10:46:25 PM PDT by Gabz (USSG Warning: portable sewing machines are known to cause broken ankles)
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To: tbird5
I'll never forget an interview I once saw, a long time back, with one of the oil sheiks on one of the early talk shows, and this guy had spent most of his life riding around on camels and living in tents. They asked him what the most amazing thing (to him) he was seeing in LA might be and I suppose they expected him to say airplanes, or big buildings, or big bridges or some such. What the guy actually said was, roughly paraphrased:

"You know, I can't believe all these stories I read in the newspapers here about people getting divorced all the time in this country. That's just incomprehensible; I mean, there must not be any morality in this country at all. Why, I've been married 57 times, and I've never been divorced..."

19 posted on 08/30/2005 10:47:19 PM PDT by tamalejoe
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To: DoughtyOne

Good for you. From someone who has seen way too many divorces end up with unhappy later relationships, I'm happy for you. I wish more people would use an initial divorce as a learning experience and find true love.


20 posted on 08/30/2005 10:51:08 PM PDT by Kryptonite
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To: flashbunny
she sounds like a truly miserable person.

She's just drunk on Amontillado

21 posted on 08/30/2005 10:53:24 PM PDT by Right Brother
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To: tbird5

Marriage, like democracy, is not for wimps!


22 posted on 08/30/2005 10:56:27 PM PDT by truemiester (The USA is the highest expression of civilization and culture the world has ever seen!)
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To: Gabz

LOL, I'm truly sorry. Heh heh heh...

Take care.


23 posted on 08/30/2005 11:00:24 PM PDT by DoughtyOne (US socialist liberalism would be dead without the help of politicians who claim to be conservative.)
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To: CharlesWayneCT
Once you realise you are stuck and simply HAVE to make it work, the rest is all downhill.

Downhill as in "easy," or downhill as in "increasingly depressing?"

24 posted on 08/30/2005 11:02:54 PM PDT by Jess Kitting
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To: tbird5
Call me insightful...

After crawling halfway through the editorial, sinking deeper and deeper into her cynical wading-pool of cow crap, I'm just going to call her a miserable, self-absorbed, over-thinking b!tch.

She seems like that kind of woman who wants to hyper-talk every aspect of her emotional life in hushed, serious tones.  Like anyone can give a rat's a$$ every minute they're within reach of the melodramatic vomit that gushes out of her mouth.  

I guarantee that almost no one on the planet can stand being friends with her.

I despise this type of woman...much the same way I despise guys who can't help but hit on, or cat call, every chick they find the least bit attractive.

It's the same over-indulgence mental sickness that manifests itself differently in each of the sexes.

25 posted on 08/30/2005 11:03:06 PM PDT by Psycho_Bunny (Every evil which liberals imagine Judaism and Christianity to be, islam is.)
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To: tbird5

Speak for yourself sweetie. You can stay single and bitter. One wonders if that's why your man dumped your bitter self.


26 posted on 08/30/2005 11:04:02 PM PDT by cyborg (I'm having the best day ever.)
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To: Kryptonite
Thanks. I'd like to think I learned, but would have to admit I just married a more compatible mate. She's patient and a self-assured person. I scored...
27 posted on 08/30/2005 11:04:03 PM PDT by DoughtyOne (US socialist liberalism would be dead without the help of politicians who claim to be conservative.)
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To: tbird5

I may be wrong here, but tell me this isn't a new literary form: drunken bitter chick. You known the type, they sit down next to you in a bar (or sometimes a cross country flight) and the next thing you know, you're being treated to in-depth descriptions of every indignity or slight that she's ever sustained.


28 posted on 08/30/2005 11:04:07 PM PDT by durasell
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To: Squantos

Bitter old sow ain't she? He probably said WOO HOO! it's over.


29 posted on 08/30/2005 11:04:54 PM PDT by cyborg (I'm having the best day ever.)
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To: tbird5

Good heavens. I hope the newspaper pays for her upcoming years of therapy. Or maybe they should just lock her up and be done with it.

Marriage isn't a piece of cake, but if both people have the ongoing commitment, there's no reason it can't work. We've been married about 15 years now, lived through hellish circumstances for part of that, and although things were rough a year or two ago, I'd say that now, in a way, we're closer than we've ever been.

It's not the blazing passion of being newly married, but a better, settled, warm, confident, deep affection that comes from having lived through hell together and decided that if you have to go through hell -- or heaven -- well, there's no one on earth you'd have by your side.


30 posted on 08/30/2005 11:05:40 PM PDT by Luke Skyfreeper
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To: tbird5

This chick ought to go marry Modo....then they can be miserable together but at least they would have someone that the other would sleep with.


31 posted on 08/30/2005 11:07:18 PM PDT by trubluolyguy (Warning: Exposure to the SON may PREVENT burning.)
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To: cyborg

Hey Now ....don't you pick up any bad ideas this close to yer wedding day !!........:o)

Get off this thread Young Lady !!!


32 posted on 08/30/2005 11:10:55 PM PDT by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. )
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To: DoughtyOne

LOL!!!!

No need to apologize :)

My first "marriage" was HORRIBLE...........I'm married for a second time, but now I have a MARRIAGE........very large difference.

Take care.


33 posted on 08/30/2005 11:11:04 PM PDT by Gabz (USSG Warning: portable sewing machines are known to cause broken ankles)
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To: Squantos

Oh yeah hehehe. You're invited squantos. Just don't try to spice up the punch ;-)


34 posted on 08/30/2005 11:12:07 PM PDT by cyborg (I'm having the best day ever.)
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To: DTogo

What she's saying is she was too smart to stay married. She's so smart she's miserable. That if anyone can stay married to one person year after year, then they must be idiots.


35 posted on 08/30/2005 11:13:04 PM PDT by coconutt2000 (NO MORE PEACE FOR OIL!!! DOWN WITH TYRANTS, TERRORISTS, AND TIMIDCRATS!!!! (3-T's For World Peace))
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To: tbird5

It is no wonder why the author of this article is divorced.


36 posted on 08/30/2005 11:13:05 PM PDT by msnimje
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To: Luke Skyfreeper

Great post!!!!!!!!!


37 posted on 08/30/2005 11:13:17 PM PDT by Gabz (USSG Warning: portable sewing machines are known to cause broken ankles)
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To: trubluolyguy

Aw! She expresses how some of us feel right now. The rest of you were lucky, so don't forbid us the enjoyment of the writer's humor or her protrayal of harsh but somehow comforting reality. The lady has a point.


38 posted on 08/30/2005 11:16:07 PM PDT by dimmer-rats stealvotes (We Conservatives Never Give Up!)
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To: dimmer-rats stealvotes
The lady has a point.

which is? I don't understand.

39 posted on 08/30/2005 11:17:24 PM PDT by Gabz (USSG Warning: portable sewing machines are known to cause broken ankles)
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To: tbird5
This woman does not understand how it works in the long run.

My wife and I have had our rough spots, but we realize we are pals, best friends, determined to make the best for us and our little corner of the world. We are bound together by the love of cats, knowledge, books, and truth, and we are bound together by a common hate of people such as the Clintons and their coterie of liars, apologists and criminal obstructionists, plus the unprincipled, condescending, lying crooks in the lamestream media and the left wing political machine.

I highly recommend hating the same people and groups as a solid foundation of marriage. Try it, you'll love it!

40 posted on 08/30/2005 11:20:54 PM PDT by SFConservative
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To: Gabz

Thanks Gabz. I'm happy to hear it. It sure is nice to know you'll come home to a sane household each evening.


41 posted on 08/30/2005 11:23:27 PM PDT by DoughtyOne (US socialist liberalism would be dead without the help of politicians who claim to be conservative.)
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To: cyborg
Wow..... Thanks but I'd just cry and sob in a hysterical manner all through the ceremony due my opportunity lost.......:o)

When and where just in case Uncle Sugar puts me on travel and I can really make it. Freep mail me if ya have time !

42 posted on 08/30/2005 11:25:07 PM PDT by Squantos (Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet. )
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To: tbird5
We live too long.

What does she mean "We"? Does she have a tapeworm?

43 posted on 08/30/2005 11:26:42 PM PDT by Jeff Chandler (Peace Begins in the Womb)
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To: tbird5

The author sure sounds like a bottle of sunshine. I can only guess why she has relationship problems. :-)


44 posted on 08/30/2005 11:27:07 PM PDT by HitmanLV
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To: DoughtyOne

Actually, hubby comes home to a chaotic household most evenings, I'm a stay at home mom :)

But we are very happy. I married an absolute saint.

But your point is very well taken.

and now I wish you a very sincere goodnight - I really need to get some shut eye.

It's been an interesting evening :)


45 posted on 08/30/2005 11:31:10 PM PDT by Gabz (USSG Warning: portable sewing machines are known to cause broken ankles)
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To: tbird5
So, when people ask me, as they often do, why I haven't remarried, I've learned that the correct answer is a wistful smile and a girlish shrug. "I guess I haven't met the right one yet," I say.

"The right one" being, of course, some poor slob looking for the bitter, self-pitying shrew of his dreams.
46 posted on 08/30/2005 11:34:36 PM PDT by AnotherUnixGeek
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To: Gabz

Sorry about that. I appreciate that you are a stay at home mom. I asked my first wife to do that, and it turned out to be a big mistake.

I support stay at home moms and home schooling. I think they are very important to our nation's youth and our nation's future.

Good night to you also. Sounds like a nice family...


47 posted on 08/30/2005 11:37:51 PM PDT by DoughtyOne (US socialist liberalism would be dead without the help of politicians who claim to be conservative.)
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To: SFConservative
My wife and I have had our rough spots, but we realize we are pals, best friends, determined to make the best for us and our little corner of the world. We are bound together by the love of cats, knowledge, books, and truth, and we are bound together by a common hate of people such as the Clintons and their coterie of liars, apologists and criminal obstructionists, plus the unprincipled, condescending, lying crooks in the lamestream media and the left wing political machine. I highly recommend hating the same people and groups as a solid foundation of marriage. Try it, you'll love it!

That sounds exactly like me and my husband!

48 posted on 08/30/2005 11:41:04 PM PDT by beckysueb (God bless America and President Bush.)
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To: AnotherUnixGeek

The right one" being, of course, some poor slob looking for the bitter, self-pitying shrew of his dreams


And,oddly, even after you say all that, I still think, well, what does she look like?


49 posted on 08/30/2005 11:41:26 PM PDT by durasell
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To: tbird5
She is crazy and bitter. But she does score a few good lines:

Marriage is a naturally polarizing process that causes one person to detest, over time, what the other person loves. Only after a couple divorces do they move back toward the center, where their interest in one another began.

People with strong sex drives tend to admire and marry people who basically disapprove of sex. People with low sex drives are intrigued by people with high sex drives. Sexual opposites attract and then go on to torment each other 'til murder or divorce, whichever comes first, do them part.

It looks like marriage -- for some people -- is a lot like politics. For them, it's politics a deux, a struggle of two egos for predominance, and economists or political scientists could do a lot with it, if they haven't already.

50 posted on 08/31/2005 12:00:24 AM PDT by x
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