Posted on 11/29/2005 6:01:20 PM PST by Nomorjer Kinov
When the Firm Foundation Worship Center got the call that a family of nine escaping Hurricane Katrina had arrived in Westminster needing a house, church members jumped into action.
"They came here with nothing," said Marge DiMaggio, the church's co-pastor.
As quickly as possible, church members made a house on church property look like a home.
When the Brown family left on Sunday, the DiMaggios were horrified to find the house in shambles.
"Hurricane hits Firm Foundation," said Marge DiMaggio.
While answering the call in September, church members' hearts were filled with compassion for the unknown family.
"We brought our pillows over," said Marge DiMaggio, so the family could sleep well the first night.
The church laid new carpet donated by Altieri Builders, redid the bathrooms, found appliances and even hung curtains to make the old-fashioned white-frame house welcoming to the family.
They bought clothes, assembled beds out of mattresses donated by the Westminster Rescue Mission and stocked the pantry with food.
The Browns paid no rent and no utilities for the house.
On Sunday, the DiMaggios entered the house after church, at about 1 p.m., said Marge DiMaggio's son, Brian DiMaggio. The Browns left during church services, between 11 and noon, he said.
A lamp was smashed on the floor, the lampshade stomped.
The screen door was torn off the hinges and flung onto the back deck.
Someone cut a hole in the trampoline that belonged to Joann DiMaggio's children.
Curtain rods were ripped from the wall and left bent and dangling from one screw.
Clothing, potato chip bags, soda cans, socks and empty bags were strewn throughout the house.
A hole was punched in a bathroom wall.
In another bathroom, dried toothpaste was smeared on the vanity, a capless toothpaste tube on the windowsill above.
A big, broken pink plastic car was abandoned on the hill outside the house.
In a dirty refrigerator upstairs, someone left a coffee mug with an inch or two layer of coffee sludge in the bottom.
Dirty dishes were stacked in the sink or on the counters.
But in perhaps the biggest insult, the words "MD Sucks" were emblazoned in black paint on the side of the home.
"When our eyes caught this, we all stood here and froze," Marge DiMaggio said.
Unhappy in Maryland
According to 42-year-old Keith Brown, who with his wife and children was halfway back to their home state of Louisiana, the property was not misused.
"We cleaned up as much as we could," he said.
He denied painting "MD Sucks" on the side of the house. His wife denied knowledge of any vandalism.
Yet Brown, whose family was referred to the church by Home Services Resources of Westminster, admitted to being unhappy during his stay here.
"We had a lot of problems with people about the house," he said.
The DiMaggios would come in and sneak around when the family was out, he said. The DiMaggios would tell them they needed to clean up this and that.
"Living in that environment and having someone watching over your shoulder wasn't worth crap," he said.
Marge and Joann DiMaggio were stunned at Brown's angry response to their generosity.
"The house was so fresh two months ago," said Marge DiMaggio. "We didn't check up on them," she said. "We didn't lord over them. We had no idea."
A few times early on they did ask that things be cleaned up, but that was only natural, she said.
Further, Brown said, the family was never provided with money he said the church promised to help them return home.
"If I wouldn't have done some under-the-table work ... I would never have the money to come home," Brown said.
All of this, he said, left a bad taste in his mouth.
They had to fight to keep items given to them, such as one of the home's two refrigerators and a washing machine, he said. The DiMaggios, who let the Browns have the items, said they had believed the appliances were donated to the house, not the family.
Brown said the DiMaggios, having heard a rumor the Browns were leaving, insulted the family by showing the house to another couple without the Browns' permission.
The DiMaggios had a right to show the house to prospective renters, Marge DiMaggio said. "Frankly, we didn't need permission to bring someone in."
The prospective renters said the house was trashed, but they did not see any vandalism, according to Brian DiMaggio.
The Browns never thanked the church for what it did, Marge DiMaggio said.
"I don't know why they would have a bad taste in their mouth when everything was given to them," she said. "We gave them everything. They never paid for anything."
Natural response
Therein might lie the problem, said psychologist Harald Graning of Confidential Counseling of Westminster.
While the Browns might look like the ultimate ingrates, their response is not unnatural, he said.
"Suppose that you were living your life," he said, "and all of a sudden God came down and destroyed your house? You'd probably be pissed."
The anger that people feel under such circumstances needs to be vented and often isn't.
Unfortunately, the overwhelming generosity of others can backfire by intensifying the recipient's sense of anger and helplessness.
"You are forced to accept charity," he said. "It's demeaning."
Doing good makes the benefactor feel better, not the person being helped, he said. When the person on the receiving end can't repay the kindness and feels compelled to feel appreciative, he or she can become extremely frustrated. Acting out can occur.
Church members trying to make sense of the situation shouldn't feel rejected or upset their gifts were rejected, he said.
This is a fact. The people on the rceiving end do one of two things. 1. They feel demeaned and are motivated to get on their own feet as soon as possible. These people are generally grateful to those who helped them during their trials. 2. They go into the "you owe it to me" category where it's never ever enough. Whatever they get, they SHOULD have gotten more. You give them food stamps they want a credit card. You give them a school bus, they want a Greyhound. You give them a home and they trash it. These people are never grateful and often leave blaming those who have tried to help them for the conditions in their life. i.e. The man is keeping me down, they give me enough to survive but not to live etc, etc. The statement this shrink made should be heralded to the rooftops and is the exact reason that government social policies, government welfare does nothing for those who are receiving it. It's never been about actually helping people, it's about Liberal (and in some case white) guilt and rather than liberals lowering themselves to actually helping these people, they would rather have a government program to shuffle them out of the way AND so they can feel good about doing something. The truth is all of these people, those who have been raised on or attached to the welfare state will never live a succssful or even fulfilled life because they haven't done anything for themselves. It's time our country took and stand and said no more. You'd be amazed how many people would make a change in their life if they had to choose betwen food and death.
The Browns should have dealt with their anger another way. Ingrates!
Nagin doesn't seem to know what to do, except kick back in Jamica.
***Does it command you to harvest the grain for them and bake the bread for them? ***
This reminds me of what happened to my wife's neice years ago. She and her father raised a big garden and canned lots of food for themselves. When done, they called their relations giving them free gleanings from the garden. The relations were glad to get it---until they found it wasn't picked or canned. They then turned the offer down.
How can a psychologist who uses such language not be believed?
In such a situation, saying "thank you" is payment enough.
"Suppose that you were living your life," he said, "and all of a sudden God came down and destroyed your house? You'd probably be pissed."
so this is all God's fault?
Actually, pigs are smarter and cleaner than the people in this article are. Even when confined to a small pen, they will try like heck not to poop in their living quarters and they generally don't bite the hand that feeds them. Unlike the Browns.
LQ, who lives across from a farmer who has pigs.
Please don't let some ugly situations get you down Grenada. When you open your heart to help people, sometimes you wind up helping the underserving, the unappreciative and the just plain wrong ones. But it's important to stay vulnerable to the good ones who really do need a little help. Better to help a few jerks who sneak in than to turn away from everyone and harden your heart..
One thing that might help.....store up all the good feelings you get working with the truly helpless and needy people who find themselves in this terrible plight and then when you encounter a stinker, pour out all those feelings onto them....who knows, maybe your good cheer and love will strike a chord they've never felt before!
Anyway, keep your chin up!
grandma
And you got to know the character of those relatives.
I take that back, we have not had a bad time. We have had a difficult time. I am just feeling really down today. We were VERY lucky that we are fine, our pets are fine, and, my husband still has a residency. We had family to stay with for a week or so. We are very fortunate.
Been down this road twice (not from hurricanes.) The house still isn't back to what it was, and the downstairs (where the spare room is) is still half filled with junk that I'm paying to have hauled away.
Between the two families we tried to help, it has cost my family about ten grand (including a destroyed Bronco II) and a whole lotta grief.
Mark Twain was SO right.
Your right. I'm giving animals a bad name.
Same here. One time in a rental duplex, I went ahead and painted the fence. The manager seemed upset and said that was their job and why didn't I ask. Told him I treated the place like it was my own. On an almost yearly basis, they raised the rents of everyone but us - gotta be a connection.
Same with tools. I quit lending mine because they never came back. "Oh, I lent it to Bob, you can get it from him." They got upset when I said, "No, I lent it to YOU. YOU get it from Bob." We never spoke again.
On the few times I borrowed a shovel or hoe, I alsways cleaned and oiled it before handing it back. Sometimes it went back in better shape than it came. Owner never said a word.
I could not believe it when I say that they were charging rent on the tents and campers...those people are here to help us and Nagin is charging them to live in a tent?!?!?! The thing that drives me nuts about the eviction is I told them I would pay the extra rent in the old place, just PLEASE, after all of this, don't make me move! They couldn't do that legally. Can you imagine? We are only hear for 9 more months and we had to move after everything.
*** their response is not unnatural, he said. "Suppose that you were living your life," he said, "and all of a sudden God came down and destroyed your house? You'd probably be pissed."***
No, you wouldn't. You might feel sick for a while but you get over it.
After we were flooded out in Tulsa Ok. way back in 1976 we got 3 month's free rent (no free utilities though). By the end of the three months I had managed to get everything sorted out so we got along alright on our own after that.
Anyone who can't get their lives restarted after 3 months are just leeches looking for a free handout.
There is a reason that some people have nothing. Poverty is less a financial condition than a state of mind.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.