Posted on 12/23/2005 10:55:09 AM PST by Cedar
What parents can learn from James Dungy's website
TAMPA - Just hours after Tony Dungy's son was found dead, Action News learned of a website that James Dungy supposedly designed as his personal profile.
Due to its controversial content, we wrestled with whether to publicize the site out of respect to the family. But after talking to a clinical psychologist, we learned there are benefits to discussing the site, such as getting a closer look at signs of trouble that you can watch for in your children.
The first thing that popped up on James' site was a menacing picture of the 18-year-old with a bandana over his face. That photo -- along with the rap song, praise for the D.C. snipers, and images of weapons and drugs -- do not represent the image many saw as Tony Dungy's son.
"This is a very troubled, very troubled young man. A young man who has a potential for some form of destructiveness," clinical psychologist Dr. Sidney Merrin observed after looking at the website.
Analyzing the site, Dr. Merrin said there were a number of signs of violence and deep-rooted anger.
The site was filled with images of football, weapons, and drugs. "It could be anger because his family disagrees with him or they challenge him or they criticize him, and he has developed a defense mechanism over the years in direct opposition to what he views as being their values," Merrin offered.
The site, created on MySpace.com, prominently featured guns; even the user's cursor turned into a weapon.
"The guns represent a form of power. Its a way to tell the world, 'I am not a weak individual, look how powerful I am,' " Merrin explained.
James apparently spent Wednesday morning posting messages on his friends' sites. One of those final messages read, "Can't talk to nobody n e more," a clear message despite being written in online teen shorthand. Was that a final cry for help?
"It, too, depicts a very sad phase in his young life. When he says 'I can't talk with anyone anymore,' he's reached the end of the line," Merrin added.
There's no way to tell for sure whether any of the problems Dr. Merrin discussed were factors in James Dungy's death. But as his family tries to make sense of this tragic loss, his website might begin to give them some clues while also offering other parents a reminder to be watchful over their kids' activities online. What they're writing about themselves may offer early clues of problems.
In fact, James' father may have said it best himself in an interview back in 2001.
"Even that family that you look at that seems like everything is great, it's not always that way. It's hard work, it's trial and error, it's ups and downs. So don't think that you're any different," Tony Dungy said.
After word of James' death spread, friends logged onto his site to share their sorrow. A visitor named Melissa wrote, "I can't believe your gone (sic) … you'll always be in my heart."
By Thursday evening, meanwhile, the site appeared to have been taken down by MySpace.
After reading various articles it's obvious Coach Dungy is an outstanding and honorable man.
That being said, I can easily understand that father and son are not always the same individuals or have the same personalities.
I know first hand that your children can turn out dramatically different then you have planned or hoped even when you did the best job possible as a father.
I hope people take this into consideration when they try to understand this tragedy and not project their assumptions onto his father
The pain has to be indescribable. Dungy is all class, I feel terrible for him. Being a suicide, I couldn't help but to agonize over the fate of my son's soul.
Ha!!
The last thing in the world I thought I would see coming back to this thread was a decent joke!
more psychobabble BS. If he had a .50 BMG or a S & W 500, well then yeah, maybe...
This whole story is so very sad. I can't stand the thought of losing my own child, and I know it would be horrible if my child took their own life. The kindness and warmth of family sustains most of us, yet to some, it is those same things they resent. Only God knows why these things happen, and I hope the Dungy family finds peace and hope from their belief in the Heavenly Father. May their son be at peace, and may the Good Lord bess him and keep him.
"praise for the DC snipers..."
And now he's dead. How ever will I sleep tonight?
While Tookie had a lot of Hollywood attention, you wouldn't see that here. Just one of the countless lives destroyed by "the hype" and those who promote it. Very sad indeed. RIP James.
I agree. Their strength and comfort will come from the Lord.
My father and brother are perfect examples of this. While my brother is not violent or suicidal, he is definitely not made of the same material as my father.
Prayers for his family. I have personally experienced two suicides close to me (father-in-law and college boyfriend years after we broke up.) There is a different grief process associated with suicides than with most other deaths.
more psychobabble BS. If he had a .50 BMG or a S & W 500, well then yeah, maybe...
I think if you had the "pleasure" of being in his "shoes", you might feel a bit different. Plantation politics.
The most painful part and probably the biggest waste of time is wondering if you could have done something to prevent it. But it's inevitable you'll think that way.
My heart and prayers go out to the family.
All that hogwash about people who take their own lives not getting into heaven, is just that hogwash. Jesus died on the cross for all sin, every sin from creation til the end of all time. Otherwise, He died for nothing! Trust Jesus, your boy is in the best of hands now. May the Lord Himself be your refuge, your peace, now and forever Amen!
It looks like his son had got into some very evil attitudes (praising the DC snipers?!?) and had shut his father out.
Try as a parent may, they cannot be the only influence on a teenager's life. Kids can very quickly find negative role models outside the home.
Killing himself just at the point of his father's greatest professional accomplishment seems a deliberate, selfish act designed to hurt his father.
Prayers for his family.
My daughter was into a very dangerous life style for a long time. in and out of jail, run away etc. Now at 25 she's happily married, great mother, working hard at life - a joy. I never thought I'd see it. At her wedding she toasted me and thanked me for all the tough love.
They were studying, but she was in a down mood, and he felt that maybe he wasn't wanted since she wasn't being friendly. So he told her he'd talk to her soon.
As he was walking down the block, he realized he'd forgotten his copy of the textbook they were studying from in her room.
He went back to the apartment, a roommate let him back in, he went to her room, knocked and found her hanging.
He cut her down but she died unconscious in his arms before the EMS arrived.
He beat himself up about it, kept thinking "If only I'd stayed and talked with her a little longer, if only I'd remembered my book a minute sooner" etc.
Tore him right up, even though he had objectively done nothing wrong.
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