Posted on 10/08/2006 5:20:54 PM PDT by GretchenM
We asked Tom and Ray to give us their Top 10 scariest cars. They came through and were even kind enough to tell us for whom exactly the cars are scary.
Scary for: Bystanders and other drivers
Looks like an early Ford Mustang, right? It is, on the outside anyway. The inside, however, is all Ford Falcon, a pedestrian vehicle if ever there was one. So what, you say? Well, drop a Boss V-8 into a Ford Falcon and what do you get? An overpowered car that doesn't have the shocks, brakes or structural rigidity to turn or stop well. In other words ... look out!
Scary for: Bystanders and other drivers
Garish? Sure, but that's not our complaint. This was the height of muscle-cardom. This was when American car manufacturers figured out how to make humongous, powerful engines. Sadly, they hadn't yet figured out how to do handling, so you had an overpowered rear-wheel-drive car with no weight in the rear end. As a result, when there was half a drop of rain on the ground this thing spun around like Dizzy Dan from the Battling Tops. Anything but perfect weather, and it was totally uncontrollable.
Scary for: Firefighters and plastic surgeons
What could possibly be scarier than a car endorsed by both the Shriners' Burn Ward Fundraising Division and the League of Asbestos-Clothing Manufacturers? These cars had an unfortunate tendency to explode when hit from behind, since that's where the gas tank was located. Ford did eventually fix the problem, but the damage was done, so to speak. Being anywhere near a Pinto still gives us visions of Robert Duvall calling in airstrikes in "Apocalypse Now."
Scary for: Drivers
Here's a scary idea: Design a car so the occupants' legs are the very first line of defense in a frontal crash. Then add poor stability. Shaped like a pizza box standing on end, the Microbus blew around on the highway like Calista Flockhart in a wind tunnel. Drivers never had time to worry about these issues, though; they were too busy trying to keep themselves warm in the chilly Bus.
Scary for: Onlookers
Just take a gander at this. No wonder they named it the Thing; it was styled by the same guy who invented the cookie sheet. Thankfully, they rusted quickly enough that few remain to invoke PTSD for former owners.
Scary for: Mechanics
The Monza was designed as an economy car, so it was built to have a four-cylinder engine. Unfortunately, when sales slowed down, some geniuses at Chevy decided that what the Monza needed was a V-8, so they shoehorned one in there. The result? Half the spark plugs are almost impossible to reach; to get at them you need rappelling equipment and an air chisel. Whenever one of these beauties reared its ugly grille in front of the garage, every mechanic with more than six weeks' experience would go running for the men's room and lock the door.
Scary for: Drivers
Rolling over is fine if you've got personal knowledge of Knuckles Goldberg's wrongdoings and you're heading into the witness protection program. Rolling over at 70 miles per hour on asphalt, when you're swerving to avoid an errant chipmunk? Not so good. These cars were cheap, so they were purchased mostly by young drivers — the people most likely to end up hanging from the seat belt with four wheels in the air. Scarier still, the Samurai wasn't that much worse than other SUVs of the era.
Scary for: Drivers
Take a good look at this car. Kind of small, wouldn't you say? Now imagine yourself in a Festiva surrounded by amphetamine-snacking tractor-trailer drivers. Going 75 miles per hour. At night. In the rain. Scared yet? We sure are. We once got in trouble for saying this car came right from the factory with a funeral wreath on the grille.
Scary for: Society, the environment and therapists
When you stop to think about what kind of person would buy a Hummer, you begin to worry about the future of our country. This is a person who feels so inadequate inside that he has to drive around pretending the 82nd Airborne will be backing him up in his next argument over a parking space. On the environmental side, the Hummer burns through resources like there's no tomorrow. And if enough idiots keep driving them, there won't be.
Scary for: Onlookers
Well, now we know where the designers of the Volkswagen Thing went to work after VW canned their sorry butts. Take a good look at this vehicle — it's a tribute to the art of unfortunate compromises. Someone at GM said "take a minivan, whack off a few corners and make something we can call a utility vehicle." The car itself was not bad — rather utilitarian, actually — but it pinned the needle on the visual pollution scale.
Posted on 10/2/06
And if there were any justice in the world, this would be the first one out.
What IS that?
More cars should come with a fire extinguisher in the front seat.
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But the all-time worst possessed car movies were about Herpes "Herbie", and I refuse to post a picture of that little Disney twinkie.
Well put.
My sister-in-law used to have a Ford Festiva. My favorite comment: "It's like a real car -- with leg room and head room. Then it stops."
I'm usually too broke to pay attention, but do have a half-dozen ten million dollar grandkids.
Their mommys and daddys ain't slouchs, either.
Actually, I Am....
Had two very good friends, and the mother of another die in Gremlins....
Powerful, Fast, and as manueverable as an f-350 with a boat on the back....
Had an un-natural attraction to trees...
Myself, a former MG Midget and MGB-GT owner, learned very quickly about coils, solenoids, etc. But, at that time, my Midget got 40 mph and I would spend $2 on gas per week.
Dear G-d, I'm sorry. Sometimes I think it should be a law that enginerrs should have to use their own designs.
LOL!
That's not an extinguisher. That's the jack stand.
No that's not my old jitney.
Google "Renault Dauphine Gordini" at e-bay for the one in the photo. $10,000+ buy it now price that includes 2 surfbooards. Who knew?
Niiice car. Mine was that lovely mikly yellow. :-) So perty!
The only vehicle I have seen a fuseblock fail in was a Passat.
Q-Steer [for the wheelie, a 10 yen piece works better than one penny]
The 1982 Checker. The Kalamzoo Cadilac.
I bought it at an auction in Houston and the previous owner was a Carlos Rosalas from Nogales, Texas.
I always figured Tom and Ray for a couple of fags. Turns out I was right.
Terrific... Ribs hurting with laughter... My experiences entirely. Throw in some damp UK weather and you get it all in Spades!!
Remember also that in the UK - not that long ago - 6 volt electrics were not uncommon. 6V headlamps were a marginal improvment on acetylene lamps....sort of orange glow...
I also heard that you could never get lost in a Landrover - just follow the oil slick on the way back home...
That link....Oh help.. wheeze... no more please.. I just fell off my chair and am weeping with laughter...
Just so true. My middle name is in reality Lucas.. but I don't brag about it... 'Prince of Darkness' Guffaw.
The Aztec looked like it had forcible relations with a dump truck!
(Great thread!)
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