Posted on 12/07/2006 1:32:13 PM PST by Mongeaux
Top 10 Iraq Study Group Solutions To Other Problems In The World: December 7, 2006 – 5:10 pm
Emboldened by their success at solving all our problems in the Middle East, and anxious not to lose momentum, The Iraq Study Group announced that they secretly decided to devote an extra day to ten additional problems. They are listed below:
10. Smoking.
ISG: “Quit.”
9. Spouse Abuse.
ISG: “Get Out Now.”
8. Teenage Homelessness.
ISG: “Run Back To Mommy.”
7. Drug Abuse
ISG: “Just Say “No”.”
6. Grizzly Bear Attacks.
ISG: “Lay Down and Play Dead .”
5. Litter in Public Parks:
ISG: “Pack It Up.”
4. Unwanted Pregnancy
ISG: “Early Withdrawal.”
3. Alcoholism
ISG: “Give In To A Greater Power.”
2. Drowning.
ISG: “If They Can’t Swim, Let Em Sink.”
1. Why Did The Jihadi Cross The Road?
ISG: “To Plant Explosives On The Chicken.”
(Excerpt) Read more at hairybeast.wordpress.com ...
Heroin Addiction
ISG: Withdraw the needle
Good one!
Pull over and let them by.
Neighborhood Bullying
"Give the bully your back yard."
The Problem of Good and Evil
"Next?"
"Israel must _______________" is the solution to all problems.
Drought: Cut down the corn.
Overweight: Stop eating.
Alcoholic: Stop drinking.
yeah, ya beat me! ("throw the jews under the bus!")
Crime.
ISG: Create criminal support groups so that people can meet with criminals on a regular basis and hand over their money and valuables voluntarily.
How do you achieve peace in Iraq?
ISG: Destroy Israel
How do you achieve Peace in Northern Ireland?
ISG: Buy "A History of Iceland," a 12 volume hardcover introduction to the Scandinavian nation.
What's the solution to the Housing Bubble
ISG: Plant turnips in your back yard -- they enrich the soil and taste great!
How does the GOP win the 2008 elections?
ISG: Fly Uzbekistan Airways. Did you know that Uzbekistan Airways now flies to almost 50 destinations worldwide...including Uzbekistan!
Hole in your fence?
ISG: Take down your fence.
Right up your alley! :^)
ISG: Midnight Basketball
See, again I think that misses the essence of the report, which says that the solution to Iraq is Israel. A better analogy would be "Hole in your fence? Go over to your friend's house and rip his fence down."
No, it makes no sense, but neither does the ISG report. And neither does its author, Secretary of Defense Gates.
Air pollution
ISG: Stay inside.
Long lines at the DMV
ISG: Wait your turn.
Invite him to your house to help you pack and move.
Keep em coming, Freepers!
War -
"Well, if everybody would just stop killing one another and love them instead we'd have World Peace."
The second of these is not a joke; it's a perfectly serious proposition by perfectly silly people.
Detroit Lions losing
ISG: Extend Matt Millen's Contract
Violent Crime
ISG: Talk to the thugs and join with them in a neighborhood Criminal Crisis Group to negotiate a bi-partisan solution.
ISG: WIN (Whip Inflation Now)
How do you achieve peace in Iraq?
ISG: Destroy Israel
How do you achieve Peace in Northern Ireland?
ISG: Destroy Israel.
What's the solution to the Housing Bubble
ISG: Destroy Israel.
How does the GOP win the 2008 elections?
ISG: Show a little bi-partisanship by running Jimmy Carter as the GOP nominee for President of the United States.
Oh, and destroy Israel.
;-)
ISG: Declare a War Diplomacy On Poverty.
What's the solution to the Housing Bubble ISG: Destroy Israel.
How does the GOP win the 2008 elections? ISG: Show a little bi-partisanship by running Jimmy Carter as the GOP nominee for President of the United States.
Oh, and destroy Israel.
WE HAVE A WINNER!
Politics is the business of supplying complex answers to simple problems.
Politicians, of both stripe, are the purveyors of that business.
War against Terrorism-easy: Monitor, Identify, Fight and kill the terrorists.
Politicians-911 Commission report and ISG
Illegal Immigration-Easy, Seal the border, deport illeagals, make it financially painful for employers to hire them.
Politicians: McCain Kennedy "Path to Citizenship"
The Muslim Threat: Easy, seal border, deport Muslims.
Politicians: "Religion of Peace." and other various forms of "Pacification."
Iran Nukes: Easy: Aid resistance groups-soften target for Military strikes. Conduct Military Strikes.
Politicians: Endless trips to the EU/UN/Etc.
Oil prices: Easy: Drill and explore for more within your borders
Politicians: Deny ANWR, use the EPA to deny drilling where oil is, negotiate with Muslim countries to porvide oil to the one power they hate and faer
And it could go on and on.
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