The perv as victim.
And the song is always the same with each one of them, although the lyrics vary a bit with each. Sing along with me --
"I don't know why I was doing this." (Yes you DO, Merv the Perv - yes you DO)
"This is the first time I've ever done this." (No, this is the first time you've been caught.")
"I just wanted to talk to her/him." (About what? The dangers of alcohol and use of condoms, which you happened to bring with you?)