I am called to report Monday morning....then probably a morning spent just sitting as they call numbers for however many juries they need. If they call your number you go sit in the jury box and the lawyers ask questions. If I am ever called to the box, I have always been seated on the jury.
10. Bring note from Rusty the bailiff.
9. Ask if you get to execute criminals personally.
8. Keep saying very loudly, "Hey -- who's frying baloney?"
7. Every five minutes point to different person in courtroom and yell, "He did it!"
6. Say you're looking forward to hearing judge sing -- like on "Cop Rock."
5. Ask if there will be opportunities to examine bloody undershirts.
4. Fly into a rage whenever Norwegians are mentioned.
3. Respond to every question, "Let me talk to the little man who lives in my pants."
2. Tell them you've already done jury duty on "Matlock."
1. Ask the judge if he's wearing Aramis.