When A Woman Isn't In The Mood: Part I (Dennis Prager On Why Sex Is So Important To A Man Alert)

Townhall.com ^ | 12/23/2008 | Dennis Prager

[TalonDJ]

She doesn’t have to perform, unless you consider acting a performance.

Acting is to be avoided at all cost. When a woman 'goes through the motions' or 'fakes it' she is sending signals that he is using to gage how well he is doing what he is doing. 'Acting' leads to unfulfilled women because their men are not given the accurate feedback needed to know what their women really need.

Then again acting more in the mood than you really are, at the start, can get you warmed up better than the alternative.

[Judith Anne]

Well, I had a great husband. We were a good match, and used to love to tease each other. Anything silly thing to get involved, play, mess around, cuddle, &etc &etc. He didn’t seem to mind to help but I DID make it worth his while.

[PasorBob]

I do, but we’re not animals. If your wife doesn’t want to, it’s not “making love” just humping. I wouldn’t insult my wife by humping her.

[Just another Joe]

6. Then there’s the woman who knows that if her husband truly wanted sex, he’d have taken out the trash and helped with the dishes.

Last night when I got home from work my wife wasn't feeling good. She has a condition called fibromyalga. When it's cold, or there is precipitation coming, or it's windy, it really affects her.
She had spent most of the day with a friend that recently had a kidney transplant taking her to the doctor.
Once I got home I fixed dinner, brewed the pitcher of tea, juiced a gallon of fresh fruit juice, and cleaned up the mess.
I didn't do it in hopes of having sex.
I did it because I love her.

[Scotswife]

Someone who gets it.
Nice to see.

[Tax-chick]

Eeeew.

[ottbmare]

Married nearly 35 years.

Glad your husband is apparently happy.

[Scotswife]

I’m sorry for your loss.
You clearly enjoy the wonderful memories.

[TalonDJ]

And it’s the lot of the married male to sacrifice quietly for the greater good.

Not having frequent sex is not one of them.

It’s not so much unwillingness to commit to a relationship, it’s the unwillingness to commit to a long term relationship where you’re going to have to make unheralded sacrifices.

Now look that that the other way. Cohabiting females put out because they feel they have to keep the man interested. Married women think they can stop doing that and still keep the man around. How is that anything but abuse? No I am not in favor of cohabitation but you did bring it up. It makes a pretty good example why women don't NEED to turn their man down. In fact they 'need' to turn their man down far LESS thane he 'needs' sex.

[Just another Joe]

I’m putting that on my list...when I remember where I put my list...

Senior moments

"WHERE is my SUNDAY paper", the irate customer calling the newspaper office loudly demanded, wanting to know where her Sunday edition was.

"Ma'am," said the newspaper employee, "today is Saturday. The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow, on Sunday."

There was quite a long pause on the other end of the phone, followed by a ray of recognition as she was heard to mutter,

"Well, shit .. so that's why no one was at church today."

[Judith Anne]

Thank you. One of the greatest things is to see our married children clearly having a wonderful time together....

Son married 18 years to a just terrific wife, daughter married 15 years to a super young man. When you see the kids give each other those “looks” throughout an evening or watch them laugh with each other, it just brings back all the great times Rob and I had.

[wintertime]

ping for later

[TalonDJ]

A poster above said that to get a woman in the mood, you have to talk to her.

Eh... I am not so sure about that. I don't think it has ever worked for me. Shutting her up seems much more effective. Well... more effective for keeping me in the mood anyway.

[Scotswife]

It’s nice to hear - they clearly are modelling their own lives after the good example you set.

It’s tough for these younger ones to find that. Many seem to be jaded and afraid of marriage.

My experience was once you fell in love you couldn’t stop talking about getting married.

I guess I’m not very hip.

[OB1kNOb]

But, to repeat the key point, rejection of sex should happen infrequently. And it should almost never be dependent on mood

1 Corinthians 7:2 But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5 Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 6 I say this as a concession, not as a command.

[TalonDJ]

If women would honestly tell men that "look, after we get married you will have to constrain your daily sexual desires and be satisfied with how many, or few, times I am in the mood",
"and if I am not in the mood it is your fault so you better fix it before getting near me."

[sgtyork]

—Think of a time at work where it’s super-hectic, and you’ve got a huge “to-do” list running in your head. You don’t have enough time to get it all done, and everything on your list is important.

But if you are like that day-after-day, then there is something wrong with your approach to work and your buddy is going to stop trying to engage you.

[NCLaw441]

I have the same problem most men have in marriage regarding less lovemaking than I’d like. The flaw that I see in your analogy is treating the husband as a “buddy” from work. To continue with your analogy, I wonder if making love with the husband is even ON many wives’ “list,” and if so, where on that it list it is placed in priority. If it isn’t on the list, the chance of getting it “done” is pretty low. Ask a wife what is on her list on a particular day, and see if having sex makes that list. Then ask the next day, and the next... This is the problem many men, including myself, have. If we don’t even make the list, how is that NOT being rejected? Very few wives have to wonder if their husband would like to have sex on a particular day. They know he WOULD. Failing to make time for him, knowing that it is important, is no different than telling him he just doesn’t matter.

[Tax-chick]

A “personal” relationship that is drudgery indicates that the rest of the relationship is drudgery, too. And it takes both spouses to make changes that result in a better situation for everyone.

The wife who is dutifully “performing” just because a man needs to evacuate his prostate at regular intervals is the wife whose husband can’t understand what was wrong when she leaves him the day the youngest child leaves home. “But everything was just fine!”

[Scotswife]

you missed the point entirely.

I’m married to a smart man.

I’m trying to explain what it is like for a woman whose mind isn’t engaged.

A woman’s brain has to be involved or things aren’t going anywhere.

A smart man knows how to get her to forget about her list.