Posted on 06/11/2010 4:02:46 AM PDT by AbolishCSEU
Long Island Judge Gives 'Up Close and Personal' View of Parental Alienation June 10th, 2010 by Robert Franklin, Esq.
http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=4846
This article tells us that a Long Island judge has found Lauren Lippe (pictured in insert, right) in contempt of court for alienating her two daughters from their father, Ted Rubin (pictured) (New York Post, 6/8/10). The judge, Robert Ross, has scheduled a hearing to decide whether to change the couple's custody agreement that gave primary custody to Lippe. Lippe is to spend six weekends in jail this summer.
To all those who pretend, in the face of ever-mounting evidence to the contrary, that parents don't attempt to alienate children, please read this article which gives more of the details of the judge's findings (Law.com, 6/8/10). Suffice it to say that the contempt hearing took 23 days to complete.
(Excerpt) Read more at glennsacks.com ...
“He finally fired his attorney....”
Good move. Family law attorneys are mostly ineffective money whores and the Family Court system is perfectly set up to ply their trade.
It’s one of the most destructive rackets going.
If they put as much money into Child VISITATION Enforcement as they do Child SUPPORT Collection, there would be overwhelming amounts of programs for “re-programming” PASed children. However, I do think that the government has a big part in all of this and if they would get out of the divorce business, you’d see these cases drop significantly.
50/50 Custody with no “golden cash prizes” i.e. Child Support changing hands. I also think divorce is a terrible thing and should be avoided at all costs but that is not a reality in today’s world with selfish people far and wide.
The NOW organization actively fights considering Parental Alienation as abuse because it might shift custody to 50/50 and thusly big Child Support and Spousal Maintenance money out of the hands of women. So much for the “best interests of the child.”
I fought this fight for two years and now my sons live with me. Some suggestions:
1) Resist the urge to fight fire with fire. Make sure the children know the reasons why you got married and what is good about their other parent.
2) Make sure your children understand that you and their other parent will do this out of your brokenness.
3) Resist the temptation to feel betrayed when they like things about being with the other parent.
4) Keep in contact. Exercise every moment of possession you have available.
5) Reduce opportunities for conflict. If given the option, pick up school-age children from school and return them to school. You can designate other adults if your job interferes. I have hired a car more than once.
6) Forgive, forgive, forgive. This is the best way to teach your children how.
Unfortunately she used money as the leverage, she has them believing Daddy is stealing their money (I have never missed a child support payment). My son and daughter no longer talk to me because of that and no longer wish to have a relationship because of that.
I am basically defenseless to stop it. California Judges support the rights of mothers, when it comes to the rights of the fathers, there is basically no such thing.
I am glad to see parent alienation is finally getting the attention it deserves.
I caught “my” lawyer having a cheek to cheek meeting with my ex during my divorce. They were in a deserted hall way during a break in the trial. I don’t think they ever saw me. I did fire him. ;0)
later
This is just part of the war on men going on in this country. We are poorer for it.
Hell, when my ex and I separated, she hired this sleazy lawyer 20 years her senior, who was a well-known coke-ster and womanizer. She was in her “rodeo” mode at that point, and I don’t think she ever had to pay him any money. She even took a 5 day trip to FL with him, but explained it was all purely platonic.
Right.....
My ex pulled the alienation thing on my kids during the year we were separated prior to actual divorce. I never gave up the fight for access and custody and overtime wore her down to where she agreed to a position that was fair to the kids.
It was not a pretty sight to see my own kids alienated towards me the times I got to see them during the separation.
Kids are resilient though and eventually they saw through their mother’s hate and gravitated towards me of their own accord.
It’s all over with now, the kids are grown and make their own choices of who they seek to assoicate with.
They’ve reconciled with their mother, but they will never have the relationship with her that a mother desires to have with her sons.
A friend of mine had the same thing happen but managed to have 4 weeks summer vacation and every other Christmas written into the agreement.
The ex’s family was mega wealthy and the kids were raised with nannies and butler’s etc.
Each summer they vacationed with dad they got to taste real life and did things they were never allowed to do living with their mother; things like riding bikes in the neighborhood, playing baseball with their dad, shooting rifles/shotguns, riding four wheelers, etc.
The father got a kick out of sending the kids home to their bazillion dollar home/neighborhood in the cammos they so loved to wear when visiting him.
When both kids turned 18 they moved in with their dad, despite having to live on a budget and away from the wealth and privilege of their mother’s side of the family.
“4) Keep in contact. Exercise every moment of possession you have available”
I thank God I worked for a company that was flexible in this regard. For 10 years I left work at 3:05 most every day to pick up the kids from school with maybe 1 out of 10 times the ex would do it.
Some relief when the oldest got his driver’s license and would pick up Jr.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this.
Now that you are an adult, do you think there is something psychologically wrong with the alienating parent?
Have you now got a good relationship with your other parent? Does he/she understand how you were manipulated?
I told my hubby early on what his ex was up to, but he failed to believe me and gave her the “benefit of the doubt.” He called me “paranoid” and “jealous” well fast forward to seven years later. It’s been 9 months since the youngest has been at our house. Two years for the older two. The ex has an upper hand because she works daily in the court system so has all the court officials in her county eating out of her hand.
Looking the other way and inaction is the biggest enemy because it emboldens the perpetrator to escalate the alienation campaign. You have to recognize it immediately and nip it in the bud right away or it will result in complete alienation of all children.
GOOD POINTS.
THX.
AMEN! AMEN! AMEN!
Some suggestions . . .
1. keep a journal with signed daily entries of any significant anything related to the kids, relationships etc. If nothing is happening daily—note daily what should be happening but is not.
2. Make certain there’s a paper trail of the payments.
3. If possible, send written love notes to the kids weekly. If not possible, send them to your parents or some other reliable person likely to be very responsible to keep them in a box etc. When the kids turn 21, you could arrange to send a box of such to each of them. You might include in the notes what you’d have bought for them that week, if you could have.
4. It might be possible to logon to FACEBOOK as a peer and keep track of them and affirm them in loving ways that way. If so, resist the temptation to out yourself for at least a year.
5. PRAY PRAY PRAY FOR GOD TO BREAK THE SITUATION—WHATEVER HIS WISDOM AND LOVE WOULD ARRANGE.
6. FORGIVE. FORGIVE. FORGIVE. That, more than anything, will put the other parent in the middle of God’s discipline as well as free you from the bondage and consequences of unforgiveness.
7. When you write, you would do well to write about wondering what they look like that day, what their activities are that day; what you’d tell them you liked about their personality that day etc. You can use hypothetical fantasies about such as well.
8. After 6-12 months of keeping a journal, you might send a copy to the judge involved with the visitation decrees. Add a statement about the alienation efforts. Those efforts should be documented in tha journal.
9. If you have not been keeping such a journal, write the events down as they have happened to date.
10. Get a couple of trusted, trustworthy witnesses to sign & date your journal on all crucial entries and periodically on routine ones. Insure the journal is in your handwriting. Write bigger & skip every other line, if you need to, in order to make it legible.
11. Buy whatever durable, useful item a young adult would likely want or need at say age 12-25 . . . or better, some durable investment—which could be tricky these days . . . for birthdays etc.
12. PRAY that God would give a hunger in each child to know you. Pray that God would expose the lies about you and the evil motives against you. FORGIVE. FORGIVE. FORGIVE.
I suppose reporting him to the bar would have been very problematic.
WHAT AN IMPRESSIVE ACCOMPLISHMENT.
CONGRATULATIONS! YEA!
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