Skip to comments.The Downside of Cohabiting Before Marriage
Posted on 04/14/2012 5:44:08 PM PDT by reaganaut1
In a nationwide survey conducted in 2001 by the National Marriage Project, then at Rutgers and now at the University of Virginia, nearly half of 20-somethings agreed with the statement, You would only marry someone if he or she agreed to live together with you first, so that you could find out whether you really get along. About two-thirds said they believed that moving in together before marriage was a good way to avoid divorce.
But that belief is contradicted by experience. Couples who cohabit before marriage (and especially before an engagement or an otherwise clear commitment) tend to be less satisfied with their marriages and more likely to divorce than couples who do not. These negative outcomes are called the cohabitation effect.
Researchers originally attributed the cohabitation effect to selection, or the idea that cohabitors were less conventional about marriage and thus more open to divorce. As cohabitation has become a norm, however, studies have shown that the effect is not entirely explained by individual characteristics like religion, education or politics. Research suggests that at least some of the risks may lie in cohabitation itself.
As Jennifer and I worked to answer her question, How did this happen? we talked about how she and her boyfriend went from dating to cohabiting. Her response was consistent with studies reporting that most couples say it just happened.
We were sleeping over at each others places all the time, she said. We liked to be together, so it was cheaper and more convenient. It was a quick decision but if it didnt work out there was a quick exit.
She was talking about what researchers call sliding, not deciding. Moving from dating to sleeping over to sleeping over a lot to cohabitation can be a gradual slope
(Excerpt) Read more at nytimes.com ...
If I were a young man, ideally I’d never marry a girl who would have sex out of wedlock.
Can’t trust such a girl that much—if she found a way to rationalize having illicit sex when it suits her, she’ll more easily find a way to rationalize cheating on her husband when it suits her, too.
And a girl who’ll live with a guy outside of marriage, is just plain weak-minded with little self-respect or just strange.
Don’t think too highly of women, do ya?
Don’t think too highly of women, do ya?
Not stupid women. I pity them.
If you call it Sin now, even some Church people get mad. My how we have grown.
>>”I am woman. Hear me roar.” <<
That’s what I tell my girls all the time.
YOU control the situation, YOU can save yourself for your husband, YOU need not ‘put out’ because that takes the control of your own body away.
Women lost so much.
OTOH, eventually that "cow" may give you a calf. That's where character fails for many.
female promiscuity is market driven.
Think of two high school dances,
1 with 100 females and 200 males
2-200 females and 100 males.
the female behavior at the dances will be radically different.
With so many college educated females and so few college educated males this promiscuity rears his ugly head and we have problems similar to what the african-american community faces today.
Even cruder, and perhaps even more effective, would be:
Ha! I guess they don’t realize that living together is the worst part of being married. ;-)
Many living-together couples, if asked why they do not marry, respond that marriage (license) is just a piece of paper. That begs the question: If it’s just a piece of paper, why the aversion to getting it?
They've given away their power.
Exactly what the article said, people move in together to split the bills and make sex easy. People get married because they want to spend the rest of their lives with one person.
As one of those college educated, unmarried men I’d prefer anything other than the women I went to school with.
I tried that dating market, what’s the point? I was always the guy who got called when nobody else was available and you didn’t want to be seen in public.
I’ve had far more luck with women who actually appreciate kindness even if they were somewhat older. Far more luck.
So chalk me up to the statistics of yet another man checking out from the ‘college educated young woman’ market.
My husband and I celebrated our 15th wedding anniversary this past February. We will be together 25 years next June.....
The same can be said of men..............and more so.
My husband put of the piece of paper because he didn't want me to get hit with his problems with the IRS. We married within 6 months after that problem was solve.
You speak for so many of the younger men I know. They don’t want any part of most of their female ‘peers’ who would (on paper) be their logical dating market. These men are going either for older women or for women from other countries who aren’t “liberated” in the American way.
Its all chemistry, the right mix will last forever. Too many of us marry strangers, even after long courtships, and find out later, it was a terrible mistake. Living with someone before marrying them doesn’t necessarily mean it won’t last. LOVE is the key, but are we still capable of it? Growing up in the late 60’s it was called free love, but it wasn’t love, it was just free sex. After a while, the great sex wears off, and if you thought it was love, it wasn’t. I’m sure any couple who is living together for 50+ years whether married or not, is an indication that there was chemistry and love.