Posted on 05/05/2013 7:05:30 AM PDT by Kaslin
I have avoided writing a column about this for a while despite aching to do so. Part of it was because I did not want to seem like a crotchety curmudgeon, even more than I may appear at times. But I read a column by Richard Cohen from the Washington Post who came out and said he had enough. The problem became he did not go far enough in addressing the over-the-top informality of the current generation.
Cohen properly addressed the fact that we have become a country of false familiarity. You can be sitting in your office and you get a call from someone you have never met and they will start by saying “Hey, Bruce how are you? I am calling from Broadside Home Construction and we would like to do some work on your house.” My first question to a call like that is always – “Do I know you? No? Then why are you addressing me like your bar buddy?” It is particularly infuriating when you can tell from the voice it is someone young enough to be your child.
I don’t quite understand why this generation feels empowered to address their elders in such a disrespectful manner. I have asked around and come up with some theories. One would be the fact that they feel entitled by all those soccer trophies they earned by just showing up. Or they learned from my peers to call their parents or teachers by their first name. Some speculation rests with the fact that there are no longer any common social standards being established.
If one needed guidance on social grace when we were growing up there was Emily Post. She ruled the world of etiquette from the 1930’s until her death in 1960, but the effects of her efforts lived long after that. When people had difficult social situations they wrote to Dear Abby. The column started in 1956 and still exists today (being penned by the author’s daughter); but since this generation does not know what a newspaper is they would not have a clue about social grace. They feel as long as they are not hurting someone they are “a good person.”
Here is a perfect example. Ever get an email from this current generation? When letters were written there was an established norm. You addressed the letter Dear Mr. or Mrs. (Jones). The derivation of where the custom of starting a letter with Dear is unknown to us, but it worked well for centuries. The only change was the advent of the term Ms. that helped to ease whether a woman was married or not.
So along comes an email and someone starts using a term derived from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure – “Hey.” What is Hey? Because some doofus used it in an email, someone else started to use it and now you see it as the norm among the current generation. I think we should use the term “Yo.” I think that Rocky I gave us that term. Why not “Yo Bruce, here is that financial information you need.”
For those of the elder generation who may want to delve into this form of communication be aware do not use the word “man.” That is so passé. The in vogue term is “dude”. Or if you want to use the term that seems universal use “guy.” That is the new cool term. In fact, the younger set will address a group of octogenarian women as “Hi Guys.”
Since no one has established guidelines for emails except for the silly one where if you type in capital letters people know you are yelling, here are some to live by:
1. If you addressing someone other than your drinking buddy, don’t use Hey, Hi, or Yo; particularly if the person is your senior.
2. If you receive an email that is addressed specifically to you, hit the reply button and say something simple like – Got it, thank you. Cyberspace is not perfect and it is important to make sure they know you received their message or document. It takes very little time. Ditto for any faxes you may receive – send an email and acknowledge receipt. It is just common courtesy.
3. If someone sends out a group email that has a flaw in it, don’t hit the “reply all” button and humiliate the sender. If you have a problem with the email, address it one on one.
4. If you are using your email for business communication, treat it as a business tool and provide the proper respect for your customer or vendor.
When I was 22 years old I thought I knew everything. As I grew older I found out I did not. Only good might come from showing respect to an elder or a potential customer by addressing them as Sir or Madam. Let them choose whether you may drop the formality.
That is, after you have earned it – which is something of which this generation needs to do more. Maybe it will help you to get a job and get out of your childhood bedrooms.
The full word of e-mail is: electronic mail
In the Providence-Boston area- ‘youz guyz’ is used quite frequently- and I am very used to it.
But I must admit, when I moved down South, I was truly in my element...I love being called Ma’am and adore the politeness (particularly from the gentlemen) of the South- even though I’m from New England, I’m a lady at heart.
Doors are opened for me, seats given up for me- it is heaven on earth after living up North ;)
This is why Southerners (who know better than to insult the women) use ya’ll as second person plural.
I remember one swine who was required to interview for jobs he didn’t want to do to get government benefits. When he showed up, unshaven, stinky, chewing gum, wearing dirty old clothes, carrying a copy of the communist manifesto (literally), using profanity in every sentence, and even tried to ruin the interview by claiming that he had been fired from his last job for stealing and threatening customers.
What he didn’t know was that the guy he was interviewing with had been a USMC Drill Instructor and *loved* to work with really hard cases. He kept a straight face, but could barely contain his glee.
He thanked him for interviewing for the job of light office work, and said he would call. He did, with a job offer, to the government employment office. And not for light office work, either.
They were surprised and the DI managed to even get a case worker to go to the swine’s apartment in the early morning to make sure he was ready to climb on the truck in work clothes promptly at 5am when they came to get him.
The DI let his hard working crew know that this guy was a slacker, and it was up to them to insure that he did his job, and not to let him quit until the day was through.
It was a very long day for the young man. Yet when they stopped by his apartment the next day, he was nowhere to be found.
I spent decades the same as you (probably) trying to craft words into cogent thoughts.
Sometimes we have to step back and see what it all means. Words and their transciption change whether we like it or not or whether it conforms to our way, our knowledge - how we were taught or learned by ourselves (e.g., a pet peeve I have is the way brevity has overtaken language. We used to spell ‘travelling’ with two ‘Ls’. Now it's just one, etc.).
In the end, WE will be overtaken and our language will become a mishmash quick-speak conglomeration and makeup - a fully diversified and integrated amalgam of the least common denominator. If you want to see what I'm talking about, go rent the movie "Cloud Atlas."
Guess what that is? [Hint: It certainly isn't from our best and brightest]
Oh, and by the way: I’ve hired for professional communications positions in a senior management capacity.
If someone is going to try to impress me with their usage and skill, they need to score 100 percent. I owe that to my employer. I’ll choose the best available person.
If you sat in front of me and said I was a snob for doing that, my hiring decision would be easy.
My comment was based on a writer’s holding a viewpoint as a communications expert, while committing a basic error in the process. It does not change the essential validity of the article, so if you have something substantive to say about it, great.
If you’re going to shoot the messenger instead, though, then simply have a nice day.
We get our local Sunday paper because I like the sale flyers and coupons. I can tell you that the only advice Dear Abby is giving these days is the politically correct kind. She is very pro-sodomite.
Nothing ticks me more of when some desk clerk in an office who is young enough to be my grand daughter addresses me with my first name instead of Mrs and then my last name. Also when I go to the Beauty Salon and they ask for my name I make sure to say Mrs. I never say my first name. I am after all a Senior Citizen who demands respect
>> I don’t quite understand why this generation feels empowered to address their elders in such a disrespectful manner.
Because they’re raised that way. It’s no longer Mr & Mrs Jones — it’s John & Jane.
But not Ma’am
So I’m almost afraid to ask - what is your opinion of using WTF in the title of a book?
“Guys” has evolved into a gender-neutral collective. For example, it’s quite common for a young women at a (women only) bridal shower to say, “You guys, time to open the presents!”
But I think it’s rude for a younger person to address people clearly older than themselves of either gender as “you guys.” And it’s especially rude in a business situation, e.g. a Best Buy clerk says, “Thanks, guys!” to an older couple.
Now this clown's the one complaining about lax standards..
Yep. I always say Sir or Ma’am. Except when talking about SENATOR boxer who earned the title of b!tch, don’cha know.
GOOD LORD!!!
“Nothing ticks me more of when some desk clerk in an office who is young enough to be my grand daughter addresses me with my first name instead of Mrs and then my last name.”
YES! I was in the emergency room with my mom a couple years ago (she’s better now).
I was astonished when the 22-year-old zit-faced orderly said, “Jane, I’ll be wheeling you up to X-ray now.”
In my head: “Jane?! JANE?! She’s 78 YEARS OLD! SHE’S MRS. ____ TO YOU, CART BOY!!!”
Of course I didn’t say anything at the time, fearing he’d somehow retaliate by leaving her in the hall or something. Later on I assuaged my outrage by including the inappropriate patient address in my scathing Yelp review of the ER service. HA!
Great article, Bruce!
Animal, vegetable or mineral???
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