Posted on 02/01/2015 5:43:27 AM PST by Kaslin
“Honey, can you shoot me a bison?”
I’ll never forget the summer of 2005, when my gorgeous wife walked into my office, while I was cleaning my guns and talking to my two hunting bros about our next adventure, and asked me to hunt a buffalo.
‘We’d get a freezer full of meat and a bison shoulder mount would look beautiful on our walls,” she said.
Let's see… a wife asking her husband, in our paranormal state of aggravated pussification, to go hunting, bank some grub and then have the beast mounted and displayed proudly upon the walls? All I had to say to that unforgettable scenario was … Yahtzee!; and, of course, Thank you, Jesus!
After she asked me to go hunt an American bison she smiled and left. Be still, my beating heart.
My friends sat there gob-smacked… stupefied… that a wife would actually ask her husband to hunt. I know some folks in Texas and Alaska don’t find that odd, but in Miami, and from what I’ve experienced with hunting and couples from around the globe, that was some Twilight Zone stuff.
My single buddy who witnessed this divine event asked if she had an unmarried sister. My married compadre chimed in and said, “Hell would freeze over before my wife would ever ask me to go hunting.”
I can’t lie to you, folks. I felt a combination of blessedness and sorrow: blessed because, hallelujah, I didn’t marry some testicle-snippin’-carpy-wife-from-hell; and sadness because of my single mate’s grim situation of slim-pickedness and my married amigo’s state of hen-peckedness.
Because I hunt and fish a lot, and I write about my pursuits afield, I’ve been blessed to know many professional hunters, guides and outfitters from Alaska to Africa and I’ve been instrumental in hooking people up on epic adventures from boar hunts to cape buffalo hunts and everything in between. I’ve also been on the receiving end of hearing guys who’d like to hunt tell me they can’t go hunting because… wait for it… “Their wife won’t let them.”
“Their wife won’t let them”? What kind of grown man actually says something like that?
Look, I get wives saying, “Honey, I wish you wouldn’t go hunting brown bear in Prince William Sound this spring because you haven’t paid our mortgage in the last four months.”
What I don’t get is a petulant wife hunt-blocking her husband who has paid the bills and has taken care of business; and said chick still throws a fit about his wanting to hunt or fish. To me … that’s bullcrap.
Let me let you highly feminized controlling lasses who’ve watched way too much Desperate Housewives in on something about husbands that we don’t dig; and why you might be single again soon, very soon. Are you ready? Check it out. Here are 11 things husbands hate …
Husbands hate …
1. When you throw them under the bus in public.
2. When you remind them of their past failures.
3. When you unload on them as soon as they walk in the door.
4. When you expect them to be just like your girlfriend.
5. When you expect them to read your mind.
6. When you treat them like your child.
7. When you unload the big guns on them at 11 p.m.
8. When you compare them to that “perfect guy” at church.
9. When you give them the silent treatment.
10. When you use sex as a weapon.
11. And when you complain about them going hunting and/or fishing.
BTW, a happily married woman wrote 1-10 . Number 11 is all mine.
Not only do men, who would be men, hate the aforementioned, but also God, according to the Scriptures, is sympathetic to the plight of the husband who is married to a contentious dame.
Check it out …
Proverbs 21:9 -- Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
Proverbs 21:19-- Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.
Proverbs 25:24-- It is better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
Proverbs 27:15-- A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.
Ouch. Someone forward those verses to Bruce Jenner, STAT.
Ladies, real men are naturally hard-wired to be hunters. True men are providers, protectors, hunters and heroes. To stymie this is to effectively neuter your dude and keep him from what God made him to be; and diminish him to the realm of the effeminate. Trust me, girls; if and when the crap hits the fan, you don’t want some brow beaten tinkerpot who can’t put meat in the pot should the economy and country go to hell.
Finally, if I was a woman – and I’m not, even though I do like Kate Hudson movies -- I’d thank the good Lord my husband was a hunter. At least he’s not gambling, or going to strip clubs, or banging Rhonda the overly tattooed Hooter’s waitress. At least he’s getting away from the concrete, the mall, the plastic and Facebook and interfacing with God and nature and getting his soul restored. At least he's part of hands-on conservation through hunting; and if he’s a good dad he’s bringing his kids along in this grand pastime of global stewardship; and he’s putting high protein/low fat food on the table versus that chemical-laced, store-bought poison the indoor boys eat.
So, relax, ladies. Bless the hunter/angler husband that you have. Feel a sense of pride that you have an alpha male who can both bring home big dollars and big deer. Surprise him this week and ask him to go hunting and fishing. Sure, initially he’ll think you’re cheating on him and want him out of the house or that you fell and hit your head; but when he sees you lighten up you’ll find the tension die down and that could help your tedious union. And at least you can take pride that you’re not married to a metrosexual.
Oh, and one last ditty for the single dudes… if you hunt or want to hunt and you’re dating some girl that doesn’t like hunting, pick your crap up and run like a banshee chewing leather in the opposite direction. If you don’t, then don’t whine when the anti-hunting chickens come home to roost.
You’re welcome; and you may make the check out to “Doug Giles”.
Good diction, too.
Proverbs 21:9 — Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
I live there....
Proverbs 21:19— Better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and angry woman.
Have been thinking lately I’d be happier camping...forever...
Just the hunting trip would cost more than a freezer of high-end domestic beef or other meat ... probably even farm-raised bison. I think they're so rich that it's not even a consideration.
She’s hot.
That said, the size of her scope might be making up for some shortcomings....
yeah, that’s some kind of banking smart phone thing.....and yes, that happens all the time too. /s
My wife does NOT hunt and has no problem with my hunting PROVIDING it does not place a burden on our financial well being or interferes with some major event in our life. She is a great cook and enjoys the meat and fish. We have no local area butchers so together, we I cut, wrap and freeze all the game I being home. She has helped cut up elk and deer, assisted in making sausage from the meat and enjoys the fruits of our labor. Just because she does not hunt does not mean she keeps me from doing so. Guess I picked the right one some 55 years ago.
I have a brain that functions as both a curse and a gift - it just processes in analogy and comparisons and associations and so on - so these kind of things just jump out at me. I can’t stop it. Kinda like the OCD the TV character MONK has - he couldn’t turn that off and I can’t turn off mine either. Makes me a royal pain to watch TV/movies with. Keeps me ticked off a lot of the time too. (my family quotes that line “gift...and a curse...” to me all the time.
Here is what our commercials teach us now: You’re right, dads are idiots, if they are white. All white guys are idiots, unless they are liberal hipsters driving Subarus or tanned shaved metrosexual euro models in those cologne commercials.
Most home owning in tact families are black, and most of the service personnel are white. All black females are professional, smart, compassionate and in charge of something.
You know, just like reality.
I have a brain that functions as both a curse and a gift - it just processes in analogy and comparisons and associations and so on - so these kind of things just jump out at me. I can’t stop it. Kinda like the OCD the TV character MONK has - he couldn’t turn that off and I can’t turn off mine either. Makes me a royal pain to watch TV/movies with. Keeps me ticked off a lot of the time too. (my family quotes that line “gift...and a curse...” to me all the time.
Here is what our commercials teach us now: You’re right, dads are idiots, if they are white. All white guys are idiots, unless they are liberal hipsters driving Subarus or tanned shaved metrosexual euro models in those cologne commercials.
Most home owning in tact families are black, and most of the service personnel are white. All black females are professional, smart, compassionate and in charge of something.
You know, just like reality.
After years of sleeping in tents on hunts with smelly men, I married a woman who loves to hunt. Makes for a great hunting partner. Her dad was a fisherman and the first time we went fishing, she didn’t care for the way I filleted a fish. I haven’t done one since and she loves it. After slaughtering several hogs and big game, she said she wanted to try one by herself. I had to shoot the hog because she had raised it from a pup, but after that she did the whole job of slaughtering then went and called her brothers to brag. She’s taken deer and elk and antelope and bear, this year she wants to put in for a moose tag. It takes a while to find a good woman but they are out there.
“Unless he’s a skinny liberal hipster buying Subaru’s for his little liberal family”.
I drive a Subaru Outback and it’s the best vehicle in the snow I have ever owned. When I got it they offered to donate some money to a bunch of left wing organizations and I threw the offer in the garbage. My buddies crack up when I drive it through the cornfield loaded full of goose decoys.
Ref Post 46.
My wife read my previous post (#46) and said, “Why don’t you take an elk roast out of the freezer? We can have elk roast, baked potato’s and a glass of wine for our “Super Bowl” dinner?
Now to me, THAT IS A WINNER!!!!
“It takes a while to find a good woman but they are out there.”......
And a real man treats them right because, they are in great demand.
yeah, they are good vehicles. So are Volvos. But I just can’t drive either......
Freezer full of venison makes me happy .... the grinder that does 300lbs/hour makes me happy, too. Nothing like spaghetti with hot Italian venison sausage, or a pan full of backstrap medallions with gravy .... then there’s deer stroganoff, Shepherd’s Pie, venison chili .... love hunters/hunting!
I do a 7-2-1 blend on my venison hamburger, 7 lbs venison 2 lbs bacon and 1 lb jalapeno’s.
If they were written by a man the order would be reversed.
Thanks Kaslin - really like this!
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