They weren’t tolerable then, either.
Disagree. If that were true, one side or the other would have given in before the South was totally exhausted. If it had not been for Sherman, the North might have elected McClellan instead of Lincoln. McClellan’s platform was that he would sue for peace with the South.
Once it starts, it is never ended until one side is exhausted. By your definition, once it starts, everything that follows is tolerable.
Maybe so, maybe so. But then any losses on insurrection are tolerable too. The only issue is picking a side.