Posted on 05/02/2020 10:32:08 AM PDT by Kaslin
I caught my neighbor selling illegal haircuts, so I did what any good person would do. I kept my mouth shut.
When the weather permits I like to work in my little backyard here in Brooklyn. It’s a 20’ by 25’ postage stamp of cement and dirt surrounded by the small plots of my neighbors. Over the past couple of weeks as New York City has endured its lockdown, I have noticed one neighbor, day in and day out, cutting people’s hair a few yards down. At first I thought maybe it’s just family haircuts, but unless this guy has old testament levels of offspring, it became clear he had set up shop. I even saw the cash exchanged once or twice.
According to my mayor, one Bill de Blasio, you remember him, big oafy guy who wasted everyone’s time running for president? Yeah, him. So he says that what I should have done when I saw this illegal barber operation going on was to jump on the phone to 311 and alert the authorities so that they could send the officers from the New York Police Department to break up the crime ring.
That is not what I did. I did something that in Brooklyn we like to call “minding your own freakin’ business.” The guy wears a mask and gloves, as do his customers. And while strict social distancing is not in place, nothing is happening that is half as potentially harmful as going to a bodega (that’s what we call delis.) It seemed to me that this cat was running a pretty conscientious little situation and his customers seem fine with whatever danger they may be placing themselves in.
But let’s say I did have a problem with it, that I was that guy. You know, the self-appointed pandemic hall monitor type. Even in that upside down universe, I’m pretty sure my first course of action would be to go talk to the guy before I request that men and women with guns show up at his door.
I very nearly went over to see how much he was charging, but he seems to only know one hair-style, a kind of high and tight that is part Marines and part K-Pop. I rocked that in high school, not really my thing now. But the point is that even though I already knew that de Blasio’s “rat on your neighbor” policy was the epitome of stupidity, being in the actual situation made the awfulness of it more visceral.
There I am, smoking my cigarette, watching this makeshift hairdresser’s busy scissors and I realized I had been deputized by my mayor to mess up his whole deal. It’s not an authority I want, and even just knowing I have it makes me very uncomfortable. The good news is that apparently the hotline Hizzoner set up has mostly been used to mock the policy, not to tattle on fellow citizens, but it’s still disturbing and dystopian.
It brings up an interesting question about the nature of American civil life. Is my primary duty to my government or to my neighbors? For me the answer is clearly the latter. The idea that I should be the entity ensuring everyone lives by the letter of the law is anathema. Should we call the police when there is a serious crime happening? Sure, of course. Should we call the police because someone is cutting hair in their backyard? No.
The American people are smart, they understand what is going on, and they are doing a good job handling what has been asked of them. But they also need to be trusted, we don’t need a state-driven crackdown on people living their lives and we certainly don’t need citizens looking over their shoulders waiting to be sold down the river by fretful neighbors.
So,f no. I will not be telling on neighbors who cut hair, or throw a small BBQ, or sit on their stoops without social distancing, or let their kids play together in the park. That is not a door that should ever be opened in a free society. Thankfully, it is one that my fellow New Yorkers and I do not see fit to go through.
Not to get off topic, but the "pandemic hall monitor type" sounds like the self-designated "Keeper of the Lane" on the interstate; the guy who refuses to move out of the passing lane because he's taken it upon himself to determine the speed at which everyone behind him should drive.
My wife was referred to a hair stylist who works out of his home instead of in a shop...we won’t rat him out either.
My accent comes out when I'm animated about something. When I'm speaking normally, you can't tell I've lived most of my life in Brooklyn (which I"m not proud of).
A fellow Catholic illegally cut my hair last week. I, and another illegal client, tried to pay her because she has lost both of her jobs. She refused to take our money. she said she just wanted to help people in a difficult time.
Congrats on having all your hair. My kid looks like Jesus right now. Even he cant stand it.
Unfortunately for lane keepers, some states have made their self-appointed activities illegal. They better hope the interstate revenue collectors don’t see them.
Did she live near a muezzin ululating 5x / day?
Very long story...but only $500 of it was my money.His case (the tens of millions) was constantly in papers from coast to coast.And my one,short,encounter with him was too...once.
Actually, it’s mostly a leftover of the slave code.
A lot of ghetto blacks feel it’s unacceptable to cooperate with the slaveowner, even when other blacks are breaking the law. The white man’s law is in theory designed to keep slaves in bondage & is therefore not even worthy to be acknowledged by reporting crime.
“Snitches get stitches” is aimed at anyone who might think right & wrong, not race, might be a more significant factor.
The law of the ‘hood is “Mind yo own bidness.”
I remember knocking doors to get signatures on a petition to tear down a crack house, and being asked, “What crackhouse?”
And replying, “Uh, the one across the street from your house—?”
Who would have thought that Barbershops and Hair Salons would become the "Speakeasies" of 2020???
I almost cut my hair the other day
I almost cut my hair It happened just the other day It was gettin' kinda long I could-a said, it was in my way But I didn't and I wonder why I feel like letting my freak flag fly And I feel like I owe it to someone
Must be because I had the flu for Christmas And I'm not feelin' up to par It increases my paranoia Like lookin' at my mirror and seein' a police car But I'm not givin' in an inch to fear Cause I promised myself this year I feel like I owe it to someone
When I finally get myself together I'm gonna get down in that sunny southern weather And I find a place inside to laugh Separate the wheat from the chaff I feel like I owe it to someone
Why should I care
If I have to cut my hair?
I’ve got to move with the fashion
Or be outcast
I know I should fight
But my old man he’s really alright
And I’m still living at home
Even though it won’t last
The Who
BWHAHAHAHA! TOO FUNNY!!
This is New Jersey so we know how to get nefarious things done. My wife called her stylist and made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. Badda bing, badda boom and my hair is refreshingly trimmed along with that of everyone else in the family. The neighborhood Karen’s are going to be very upset and just sure we did something wrong but we left no evidence. Cash, or course :-)
Flowbe... no fuss, vacuum as u go.
Welcome to the Soviet Comrade.
That is great!
Me too! Had my hair cut colored and styled at someone’s home Thursday. They had 3 chairs going and not a mask in sight. Gasp!
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