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Klayman and Judicial Watch sue the Solar System: "Stop The World, I Want To Get Off!"
Silly Press | Dec. 5, 2001 | Silly

Posted on 12/05/2001 11:37:52 AM PST by Silly

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

WASHINGTON, 5 Dec (SP) - An American lawyer fed up with the planet of Earth and everyone on it, and who has failed to achieve a single tangible goal that has any practical value in the course of his entire legal career, has filed a unprecedented lawsuit suit today against Earth and its immediate planetary system entitled, "Stop The World, I Want To Get Off."

Larry Klayman, president, founder and perpetuator extraordinaire of one of the longest running jokes in the history of law -- Judicial Watch -- has decided to end his career in comedy, throw in the towel, and storm out of the universe as soon as he can think of a witty exiting line.

The complaint, broadcast to the world over the Internet -- and to the known universe via satellite -- took the form of a videotaped rant in which Klayman stomped his feet, waved his arms about and cried, "Nobody likes me," on the steps of the Supreme Court.

At attempt was made to locate Klayman's attorney, a Hugh Foole, Esq., for comment, but apparently Klayman is representing himself in this matter.

Mel Brooks and Susan Stroman expressed an interest in the rights to the Broadway musical version of the lawsuit, under the working title, "Autumn for Klayman: A Nasty Romp with Larry on Pennsylvania Avenue." For purposes of historical accuracy, however, the show would have to go ahead as a tragic play, not a musical comedy, as Mr. Klayman was never known to have a sense of humor and couldn't carry a tune. The show was to have been a sequel to an off-off-Broadway show about Larry Klayman's lawsuit against his mother, entitled, "Throw Momma From The Hospital Bed."

In an unrelated lawsuit, evildoer Osama bin Laden has filed a countersuit against Larry Klayman, for "acts of passive hostility and derision" which occurred in another legal brief Klayman filed recently. Bin Laden accuses Klayman of "butchering" the spelling of his name as "Oussama Ben Laden," inappropriate capitalization of his middle name in the middle of a sentence, failure to capitalize "Taliban" and "Islamist," excessive use of vowels, and use of an umlaut in "Al-Qaïda." Klayman refuses to take the counter claim seriously, on the grounds that it is "nitpicking."

Klayman's wife has filed a lawsuit of her own, one that is contingent on Klayman's departure from the World (either by a legal victory in his own case or by other means), entitled, "Stop The World, I Want To Get On." Mrs. Klayman has previously denied that she is merely a convenient beard for Mr. Klayman's alleged flamboyant homosexual lifestyle.

Former President Bill Clinton filed a mildly funny "what-about-me" brief called, "Start The Foreplay, I Want To Get Off." It was dismissed in court as a nuisance vanity suit.

Journalist Barbara Walters has filed an unrelated suit entitled, "Stop The World And Wait While I Run Into Bergdorf Goodman To Return Shoes -- It Won't Take More Than Two Minutes, I Promise." An unnamed associate of Ms. Walters is whispering that the shoes are a pair of never-worn Ferragamo mules two seasons old (but with a receipt) in periwinkle blue calfskin and loden trim in the original box. Ms. Walters is a size 7.

In a recent interview with Ms. Walters on ABC's 20/20, Klayman was asked whether he wouldn't find it more practical to simply put a bullet into his own head. He replied, "I hadn't thought of that." He called ABC again just before the segment was broadcast to say that he had been unsuccessful in obtaining a gun permit. The lawsuit stands.

# # #


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS:
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Larry, please don't sue me.

Just being,

Silly

1 posted on 12/05/2001 11:37:52 AM PST by Silly
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To: ChaseR
For Amusement Purposes Only
2 posted on 12/05/2001 11:38:57 AM PST by Silly
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To: Texaggie79
Bump.
3 posted on 12/05/2001 11:39:35 AM PST by Silly
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To: Hughie2u
Toe bump.
4 posted on 12/05/2001 11:40:08 AM PST by Silly
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To: Phantom Lord
Go postal.
5 posted on 12/05/2001 11:40:41 AM PST by Silly
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To: Robert Drobot; eastsider
Ping this.
6 posted on 12/05/2001 11:41:34 AM PST by Silly
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To: Silly; dead; TomServo; Texaggie79; nunya bidness; Rebelbase
A funnier story would've been "Judicial Watch Sues Harry Potter for Calling Ted Nugent A Moose Killing Cheese Lover"

Nothing follows.

7 posted on 12/05/2001 11:43:09 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: Silly
I like it. Got the asbestos on?
8 posted on 12/05/2001 11:43:21 AM PST by Registered
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To: Lazamataz; onedoug; Dog; alisasny; AppyPappy; Billthedrill; oldvike; Sandshark; mlo...
Nuisance bump.
9 posted on 12/05/2001 11:45:09 AM PST by Silly
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To: Silly
After the one yesterday I would have found this entirely credible if you hadn't posted it in humor, and if you had given it a source like AFP. Thanks for the humor, bump.
10 posted on 12/05/2001 11:46:32 AM PST by patent
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To: Silly
LOL! Better secure a lawyer though -- Larry's sure to sue you for bus fare.
11 posted on 12/05/2001 11:46:40 AM PST by r9etb
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To: Joe Bonforte; Madame Dufarge; Gabz; OldFriend; dead; Anitius Severinus Boethius; ecurbh...
Bump.
12 posted on 12/05/2001 11:47:32 AM PST by Silly
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To: Silly
LOL! BUMP!
13 posted on 12/05/2001 11:49:06 AM PST by Cool Guy
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To: Silly
You missed litigation against three things outside of the known physical universe. Heaven, Hell and Purgatory. He did not sue those places. So he missed three other good targets.

Some people might stop and say, "wait, what about Islam?". What about their "heaven" or "hell". That would make 5 targets he missed. I think maybe JW did sue Islam's "heaven and hell" with Bin Laden and Allah but the process servers could only find Bin Laden because none of the others exist.

14 posted on 12/05/2001 11:49:06 AM PST by isthisnickcool
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To: Silly; TrueBeliever9
I think this is one they will win. But what's in it for Larry? Supreme Being?
15 posted on 12/05/2001 11:49:19 AM PST by RedBloodedAmerican
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To: isthisnickcool
He did not sue those places. So he missed three other good targets.

Give him time, friend, give him time.

16 posted on 12/05/2001 11:51:46 AM PST by Silly
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To: r9etb
Larry's sure to sue you for bus fare.

I'm going to fax this to Judicial Watch this afternoon.

17 posted on 12/05/2001 11:52:40 AM PST by Silly
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To: sirgawain
Nothing follows.

Isn't that the epithet to every Klayman suit?

18 posted on 12/05/2001 11:53:16 AM PST by Silly
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To: Hegewisch Dupa
Bump for you.
19 posted on 12/05/2001 11:54:13 AM PST by Silly
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To: sirgawain
A funnier story would've been "Judicial Watch Sues Harry Potter for Calling Ted Nugent A Moose Killing Cheese Lover"

I named my moose "Larry."

20 posted on 12/05/2001 11:55:18 AM PST by Ward Smythe
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To: Ward Smythe; sirgawain
A Moose Killing Cheese Lover"

That should read, "Cheese-eating moose killer." I'm suing.

21 posted on 12/05/2001 11:58:30 AM PST by Silly
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To: Silly
hee hee.

Psssst...if I recall correctly, you are the poster also known as the lone Times Square FReeper, n'est-ce pas? ;^)

22 posted on 12/05/2001 12:01:08 PM PST by austinTparty
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To: Registered
Got the asbestos on?

Gee, don't you think you could do the ad for the made for TV movie?

23 posted on 12/05/2001 12:07:41 PM PST by Ward Smythe
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To: RonDog; Walkin Man; NittanyLion; ChuckHam; Publius6961; kachina; Maroon; MileHi...
Bump.
24 posted on 12/05/2001 12:08:39 PM PST by Silly
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To: Registered
Thanks, Reg. I would love to have brought you in as artistic director of this one...
25 posted on 12/05/2001 12:09:21 PM PST by Silly
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To: Silly
LOL
26 posted on 12/05/2001 12:32:55 PM PST by mlo
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To: mlo
You're always a good audience, em-el-oh.
27 posted on 12/05/2001 12:38:51 PM PST by Silly
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To: Bella_Bru; damnlimey; Flyer; Khepera; Foghat; ppaul; ctdonath2; MaeWest; Chapita; Fiddlstix...
Bump.
28 posted on 12/05/2001 12:41:50 PM PST by Silly
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To: All
Forgive me for interrupting your very important thoughts and profound wisdom, but we are in the midst of the most exciting fundraiser ever on FreeRepublic. I would hate for any of you to miss it!

Come visit us at Freepathon Holidays are Here Again: Let's Really Light Our Tree This Year - Thread 6

and be a part of something that is larger than all of us.

Alone, we are a voice crying in the wilderness. Together we are a force for positive action!

Don't be left out!

Be one who can someday say..................... "I was there when..................."

Thank you to everyone who has already come by and become a part!

29 posted on 12/05/2001 12:44:36 PM PST by 2ndMostConservativeBrdMember
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To: Cool Guy
Thanks for the Ping
LOL
30 posted on 12/05/2001 12:45:06 PM PST by Fiddlstix
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To: Silly
ever thought of starting a conservative leaning political site similar to The Onion?
31 posted on 12/05/2001 12:47:41 PM PST by Texaggie79
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To: Texaggie79
You know, I really should, shouldn't I. I'll start looking for a domain name today. Glad you had a laugh.
32 posted on 12/05/2001 12:49:32 PM PST by Silly
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To: Silly
Silly Press

Press Silly. (Does it tickle?)

33 posted on 12/05/2001 12:56:13 PM PST by Flyer
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To: Silly
Thanks for the ping, shotgun or otherwise.
34 posted on 12/05/2001 12:57:10 PM PST by NeoCaveman
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To: Silly
Larry can always sue his ego for obscuring the sun.
35 posted on 12/05/2001 12:57:50 PM PST by Sandshark
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To: Silly
Where's the part about Ron Brown's head?
36 posted on 12/05/2001 12:58:26 PM PST by bayourod
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To: Sandshark
I think he'll sue Hillary Clinton over penis envy (the poor guy suffers from it so).
37 posted on 12/05/2001 12:58:56 PM PST by Silly
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To: Darth Reagan
Klayman Bump
38 posted on 12/05/2001 12:59:31 PM PST by Phantom Lord
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To: Silly
Larry Klayman, the Detroit Lions of the legal profession.
39 posted on 12/05/2001 12:59:58 PM PST by Phantom Lord
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To: Silly
Good work! I notice that Larry chatted with Barbara Walters, but he still couldn't get on Fox!
40 posted on 12/05/2001 1:04:41 PM PST by Dog Gone
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To: Dog Gone; William Wallace; Phantom Lord
Bump for William.
41 posted on 12/05/2001 1:05:33 PM PST by Silly
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Comment #42 Removed by Moderator

To: Phantom Lord
What did the Lions ever do to you? At least they've had a couple good years.

about 50 years ago

43 posted on 12/05/2001 1:10:06 PM PST by Sandshark
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To: Phantom Lord
I'm from Michigan and I RESENT THAT! ;-)
44 posted on 12/05/2001 1:10:32 PM PST by Registered
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To: Silly
Excellent. Thanks for skewering that sap. If Larry were the "Vast Right Wing Conspiracy", Hillary could have spent her White House days doubled over with laughter. What a failure (both of 'em).
45 posted on 12/05/2001 1:11:34 PM PST by Darth Reagan
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To: Sandshark
What did the Lions ever do to you?

Don't take Phantom Lord seriously on football He's from Buffalo but pulls for the Redskins. Go figure.

46 posted on 12/05/2001 1:13:15 PM PST by Darth Reagan
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To: Darth Reagan
We have no NFL in SoCal. The only team here that takes money to play football is USC and I hate them.
47 posted on 12/05/2001 1:16:16 PM PST by Sandshark
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To: Old Hickory
Larry has been rejected by the right because he is a self-serving, self-absorbed ineffectual toothless loser. Nothing he has done is of any consequence. I have a feeling few on the right know or care of any Republican he has sued. I certainly didn't until you told me.

You just don't get it. If he could get people put in jail or win substantial, instead of annoyance, judgements -- and if he stopped whining everytime he needs money or attention -- we never would have left him.

I personally followed him for a long time but finally gave up when I realized I had been a sucker.

48 posted on 12/05/2001 1:17:23 PM PST by Silly
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To: Darth Reagan
Thanks -- I'm faxing it to Klayman later today.
49 posted on 12/05/2001 1:17:59 PM PST by Silly
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To: Sandshark
?
50 posted on 12/05/2001 1:18:57 PM PST by Darth Reagan
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