Who Here Has Lost a Spouse - How Did You Get Through This Experience?

self | 2/10/02 | self

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

If you have gone through the experience of losing a spouse, (or someone you know has) could you please post on this thread about that time, any ideas or help for others going through this terrible experience?

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Yes, this is a thread for anybody who might be going through something like this - but especially for Mrs. Chief Negotiator (whose Freeper name is In Chiefs Honor). If you have words of love, support, help in going through specifically the loss of a spouse - please post to this thread and/or to Mrs. Chief. We all ache at the loss of CHIEF - but she is the one without him every minute of every day. (And others may be going through a loss of husband or wife here also). Please offer whatever empathy, ideas, encouragement that you have for such a time as this. Thank you. Please honor the need to be kind, respectful, and - if possible - encouraging. Thank you again.

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Hello. I will do my best to watch this thread and be sure responses are appropriate - but if you could help also and others could help also - being sure that any responses that are in the "jerk" category are removed, that would be very welcome.

[Chad Fairbanks]

I'll keep an eye out, too...

FWIW, the loss of a loved one, whether it is a spouse, a child, or a parent, is something that I have thus far been spared, so I honestly don't know how I would handle it - from what I have seen here Mrs. Chief has actually handled it better than I think I ever could - what a strong woman she must be...

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Mrs. Chief - I have never lost a spouse...but I have lost a parent. It took five years to recover from that loss...but I did. Time is the great healer. That and prayer - which came to me and my family by the bucketload. Also, getting involved in other activities helped.

You of course are going through not just the loss of your beloved husband, but the ongoing investigation into his death and the arson of your home. So, that makes what you are experiencing doubly difficult----almost unimaginably so.

I know we have had other FReepers who have lost loved ones in crimes. I will ping one (GailA - thank you if you can offer any advice, counsel, help for Mrs. Chief. If not - that's okay).

[OldFriend]

Please know that altho at first the grief seems unbearable, as time passes there will be moments when you actually smile at something or feel joy at some little thing that let's some of the pain out of your heart. One of these days you will actually laugh out loud again and you won't feel guilty about it either. There are so many praying for you! Take some comfort in knowing you are in our hearts.

[TaRaRaBoomDeAyGoreLostToday!]

Bump for Mrs. Chief so others may share their experiences and be comforting.

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Thank you so very much! Yes to your comments. Appreciate very much your help here.

[Economist_MA]

Dear Mrs. Chief Negotiator,

someone who you love never really dies.... the person will always live on in your heart. And there will be a time when the two of you are reunited. When I lost my brother I was more than heartbroken for several years, but by now I think of him as having taken an earlier flight to our common destination. May God bless you, and your husband.

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Hello. I know your loss was a child, not a spouse, but wondered if you had any advice and counsel for Mrs. Chief? Thanks if you do. It's okay if not.

[abclily]

The Lord just reached down and took him. Be happy for him.

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Thank you, Oldfriend! Your words in post #5 are very encouraging - pinging Mrs. Chief to your post!

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

"more than heartbroken for several years" - but that time did pass. Thanks for your kind words of encouragement.

When my mother died, I thought the ache would never go away. She had cancer and that ache was with me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week while she was sick. Even though I experienced the love and definite help of the Holy Spirit who did come alongside to carry me through - I will never forget that pain. And it is a pain. But, again, it was my mom - and I still had my husband and other family members. I did recover and now look back at her time of illness and can easily see God's hand at work through the darkness of that time. I can clearly see His plan at work too - though then I did not agree with it at all. And, still, some 20 plus years later, I miss her - every day. But the pain is gone. It really is gone. Praise God!

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

thank you for your bump for comfort - yes - and we have "the Comforter" who truly does a good job even when we cannot see or feel His work.

[Joe 6-pack]

Lean on one of the 19th Century's greatest poets...

Surprised by Joy

SURPRISED by joy--impatient as the Wind
I turned to share the transport--Oh! with whom
But Thee, deep buried in the silent tomb,
That spot which no vicissitude can find?
Love, faithful love, recalled thee to my mind--
But how could I forget thee? Through what power,
Even for the least division of an hour,
Have I been so beguiled as to be blind
To my most grievous loss?--That thought's return
Was the worst pang that sorrow ever bore,
Save one, one only, when I stood forlorn,
Knowing my heart's best treasure was no more;
That neither present time, nor years unborn
Could to my sight that heavenly face restore.

[stlrocket]

Poem -

A COWBOY DOESNT CRY

Sorry for you loss-----

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Your remarks are not ones of comfort. I will let others decide if they should be removed.

The persons we are concerned about here are those left behind - and how to get through the pain, sadness, and loneliness of being without your spouse.

[Economist_MA]

May God bless you and your family.

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Knowing my heart's best treasure was no more; That neither present time, nor years unborn Could to my sight that heavenly face restore. ......Thank you. Very poignant and beautiful.

[Freedom'sWorthIt]

Thank you and directing those blessings to Mrs. Chief also.

[Sophie]

I lost my husband after a six-year debilitating brain disorder very similiar to Lou Gehrig's disease. I went through incredible rage at God because he was not healed but by the grace of God He brought me through it a stronger woman. Today I teach others on brokenness and grieving.

The real question is how can we help others go through their grief? And the answer is to let them have it. Do not try to talk them out of their pain and loss. Listen with attentiveness and compassion. Let them tell their stories---over and over again if necessary. Tell your own stories about the one who has died. Laugh and cry with them. And know for a certainty that the only way we get through loss is through grief. Without it we will never get through it and we will become as dead as the one who died.