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The Rube Goldberg Clinton Rehabilitation Project
WorldNetDaily ^ | 4/3/2002 | Ann Coulter

Posted on 4/3/2002, 10:50:43 PM by TLBSHOW

The Rube Goldberg Clinton Rehabilitation Project

I thought they wanted to "move on." But now that all the statutes of limitations have expired, liberals won't shut up about Bill Clinton. To little evident success, they have been desperately been trying to launch their lumbering Rube Goldberg of a Clinton Rehabilitation Project for months now.

It's striking how the many testaments to Clinton's vaunted accomplishments follow a precise script, invoking the exact same talking points. The single most important talking point is to smear conservatives as "obsessed" and "Clinton-haters." Clinton-lovers want to be able to drone on about his "legacy" without contradiction. Thus, CNN host Aaron Brown wonders aloud, "What is it about Clinton? I've asked this question on this program about five different times to five different people."

Have we been cryptic? Right-wingers said Clinton was a lying, unscrupulous traveling salesman. It turned out he was a lying, unscrupulous traveling salesman. Now liberals scratch their heads demanding to know: So what was it about him you didn't like? Newsweek calls Clinton a "punching bag" for the right. Reviewing Joe Klein's book about Clinton for the New York Times, some guy Clinton took to Ireland ruefully remarks that Clinton had "given a sword to those who hated what he'd stood for."

Inasmuch as liberals insist that conservatives had some secret reason for disliking a president who lied constantly, smeared women, obstructed justice, perjured himself and tampered with evidence, it's striking that even the Rehabilitation Project is hard-pressed to come up with anything Clinton "stood for."

The Times book review proudly crows: "Clinton had also promised welfare reform and in his second term he got some." Actually, welfare reform came in his first term. It just seemed like a second term because it was after Republicans swept Congress and Clinton became irrelevant. Republicans simply called Clinton's bluff on welfare reform.

Indeed, engineering the first Republican Congress in half a century was Clinton's only genuine accomplishment. After masterfully ending the Democrats' 50-year hegemony of Congress, Clinton's genius political initiatives were all bite-sized, irrelevant gestures, such as class uniforms and tax credits for college tuition.

Consequently, the Clinton Rehabilitation Project invariably falls back on a series of meaningless platitudes about Clinton's greatness. According to the guy Clinton took to Ireland: "Clinton's immense talents might have made him a great president." Hillary aide Maggie Williams cites Clinton's "convening power" as his "greatest asset." Klein says his "strongest character trait" was "persistence."

Does it occur to anyone else that these sound like the vague adjectives of a tabloid horoscope?

The Clinton Rehabilitation Project insistently claims the traveling salesman was a complex man, citing the "duality, triality, quadrality of Bill Clinton's nature." Klein says Clinton was "larger-than-life." Only liberals would discern stunning complexity in such an infinitely small man driven by no greater impulse than his "little head."

We are also endlessly informed that Clinton was, as Monica-replacement Klein puts it: "charming, mesmerizing and wickedly smart. A bit too smart, at times."

Not only are there no actual facts to support such encomiums, but that precise statement – "wickedly smart," "too smart" – happens to refer to Clinton's performance before the grand jury. Yes, that grand jury. The one that famously laughed out loud listening to Clinton's "wickedly smart" answers.

Also, without any supporting evidence, Newsweek calls Clinton "the major strategist in his party." It did not raise any flags at Newsweek that despite Clinton's desire to "stump this fall for Democrats," there are evidently no Democrats willing to accept Clinton's offer. At least one Democrat, Erskine Bowles, has openly refused Clinton's "help."

However, Clinton's services are being eagerly sought by game shows in Italy and England. When the only people who will be seen with you after your presidency are Hollywood liberals and foreigners looking for a game show host, you might want to drop the "love of the American people" as a talking point.

Still, the Clinton Rehabilitation Project preposterously insists: "The electorate would have gleefully voted him a third term if only it had been legal."

Actually, we have data on that. Just as George Herbert Walker Bush's landslide victory in 1988 was a tribute to Ronald Reagan, Al Gore's historic loss in 2000 was a tribute to Clinton. Thanks to Clinton, Gore became the only incumbent to lose in peacetime and a good economy for more than 100 years. Following the advice of every single one of his pollsters, Gore would not allow Clinton within 10 miles of his campaign. For his running mate, Gore pointedly chose the Democrat who had most harshly criticized Clinton's behavior with Monica Lewinsky. Still, Gore could not escape Clinton's stain and he lost.

Even before the Lewinsky scandal, Clinton himself never conned as much as half the country into voting for him – and, let's be honest, he was not exactly facing stiff competition.

But don't cite any facts questioning the claims of the Clinton Rehabilitation Project! By responding, you will only prove that you are an obsessed Clinton-hater.


TOPICS: Crime/Corruption; Culture/Society; Foreign Affairs; Government; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: anncoulterlist
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1 posted on 4/3/2002, 10:50:43 PM by TLBSHOW
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To: TLBSHOW
I hate Clinton but NOT because I am a conservative. I think I would hate him even more if I had been a DemoncRat who voted for him!
2 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:00:04 PM by buffyt
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To: TLBSHOW
Another excellent Coulter!
3 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:06:05 PM by samtheman
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To: TLBSHOW
Ahem...Pictures of Ann are mandatory...

GRRRRRollin'

4 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:10:28 PM by GRRRRR
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To: TLBSHOW
My favorite liberal-baiting line is: "Name a Clinton Policy"

Hehehehehe....

5 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:10:40 PM by IncPen
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To: TLBSHOW
According to the guy Clinton took to Ireland: "Clinton's immense talents might have made him a great president." Hillary aide Maggie Williams cites Clinton's "convening power" as his "greatest asset." Klein says his "strongest character trait" was "persistence."

Does it occur to anyone else that these sound like the vague adjectives of a tabloid horoscope?

Simply perfect! I luv ya Ann!

6 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:11:58 PM by Republic
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To: samtheman
You can say that again. Her aim is perfect.
7 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:12:00 PM by Yardstick
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To: TLBSHOW
A bargain book warehouse recently opened in my neighborhood for three months only....gymnasium-sized and full of books. Most every member of the Clinton administration it seems wrote a book praising the Clintons. On the positive side, these books are now up to 80% off in large quantities, evidentally, even Hillary's "It Takes a Village" and the Socks and Buddy (may he R.I.P.) books.
8 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:12:18 PM by Ragtime Cowgirl
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To: TLBSHOW
"Reviewing Joe Klein's book about Clinton for the New York Times, some guy Clinton took to Ireland ruefully remarks that Clinton had "given a sword to those who hated what he'd stood for.""

What did he stand for - I mean the dis-barred, irrelevant and impeached x42 Clinton, not Klein. What did he stand for?

9 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:12:18 PM by malia
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To: Republic
Here's my favorite zinger: We are also endlessly informed that Clinton was, as Monica-replacement Klein puts it...

Ouch! Kicking below the belt--I love it!

10 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:15:34 PM by randog
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To: GRRRRR

11 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:15:44 PM by onedoug
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To: samtheman
"...as Monica-replacement Klein puts it..."

I loved this line!

12 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:16:51 PM by BigBobber
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To: TLBSHOW
foreigners looking for a game show host

Game show host? Perfect calling, doncha think? A television game show host with subtitles to translate the usual cliche ridden gibberish into semi-coherent game show patter. We oughta promote this idea, export the Slickmeister out of the country this way.

13 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:16:52 PM by Revolting cat!
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To: randog
Ouch! Kicking below the belt--I love it!

ROFLMAO! Double that ouch......Monica's replacement..., oh roll me over with a feather. Ann takes no prisoners....which is why I love her. (But I sure do miss seeing Barbara Olson and her equally 'wicked' commentary.) Talk about dean on targeting! These two make me proud to be an American Republican Woman! LONG LIVE OUR CONSTITUTION and everyone who fights to win back our original foundations!

14 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:20:02 PM by Republic
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To: TLBSHOW
Again to quote a FReeper on these boards -- and would the author of this statement please step forward and claim it --

"I despised him then. I despise him now. I will despise him until he dies. Then I will despise his memory."

Actually, other than his being a sociopath and pathologocial liar who conned his way into my White House and debased the United States for eight years, I have nothing against the man. I wouldn't want him to marry my sister, live next door, or eat off the same tableware, however.

Congressman Billybob

Click here to fight Shays-Meehan.

Click here for latest column: "When Billie Comes Marching Home Again."

15 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:21:19 PM by Congressman Billybob
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To: TLBSHOW
" Only liberals would discern stunning complexity in such an infinitely small man driven by no greater impulse than his "little head."

Man, talk about cutting to the chase. Gotta love Anne

16 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:21:37 PM by Kerberos
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To: TLBSHOW
The problem with using "Clinton hater" as an epithet is that most of us wear the term as a badge of honor.
17 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:22:44 PM by Samwise
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To: TLBSHOW
Well, if you had to choose between Clinton and Caligua, who would you choose? Or, say, Clinton and Stalin? Or how about Clinton and Vlad the Impaler?

All we have to do is lower our standards for leadership to as low as the Democrats, and Clinton stands tall . . . .

18 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:23:04 PM by 537 Votes
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To: TLBSHOW
I was never interested in politics until I saw Clinton on 60 Minutes. I immediately knew he was a snake oil salesman. I never believed a word that came out of his mouth and quickly became a polically obsessed activist that warned everyone I came in contact with what a tragedy it would be for the country if the white trash from Arkansas was elected. I was shocked both times he won!

I have fought against him with every fiber of my body for years and I still cringe every time I see him or hear his voice. He will go down in history as the most corrupt, evil President the country has ever seen.

19 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:26:08 PM by NewsGal
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To: TLBSHOW
Only liberals would discern stunning complexity in such an infinitely small man driven by no greater impulse than his "little head."

LOL! Absolutely perfect.

20 posted on 4/3/2002, 11:27:31 PM by LibertarianLiz
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