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The Rube Goldberg Clinton Rehabilitation Project
TownHall.com ^ | Thursday, April 4, 2002 | by Ann Coulter

Posted on 04/03/2002 11:25:08 PM PST by JohnHuang2

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townhall.com

Ann Coulter (back to story)

April 4, 2002

The Rube Goldberg Clinton Rehabilitation Project

I thought they wanted to "move on." But now that all the statutes of limitations have expired, liberals won't shut up about Bill Clinton. To little evident success, they have been desperately been trying to launch their lumbering Rube Goldberg of a Clinton Rehabilitation Project for months now.

It's striking how the many testaments to Clinton's vaunted accomplishments follow a precise script, invoking the exact same talking points. The single most important talking point is to smear conservatives as "obsessed" and "Clinton-haters." Clinton-lovers want to be able to drone on about his "legacy" without contradiction. Thus, CNN host Aaron Brown wonders aloud, "What is it about Clinton? I've asked this question on this program about five different times to five different people."

Have we been cryptic? Right-wingers said Clinton was a lying, unscrupulous traveling salesman. It turned out he was a lying, unscrupulous traveling salesman. Now liberals scratch their heads demanding to know: So what was it about him you didn't like? Newsweek calls Clinton a "punching bag" for the right. Reviewing Joe Klein's book about Clinton for the New York Times, some guy Clinton took to Ireland ruefully remarks that Clinton had "given a sword to those who hated what he'd stood for."

Inasmuch as liberals insist that conservatives had some secret reason for disliking a president who lied constantly, smeared women, obstructed justice, perjured himself and tampered with evidence, it's striking that even the Rehabilitation Project is hard-pressed to come up with anything Clinton "stood for."

The Times book review proudly crows: "Clinton had also promised welfare reform and in his second term he got some." Actually, welfare reform came in his first term. It just seemed like a second term because it was after Republicans swept Congress and Clinton became irrelevant. Republicans simply called Clinton's bluff on welfare reform.

Indeed, engineering the first Republican Congress in half a century was Clinton's only genuine accomplishment. After masterfully ending the Democrats' 50-year hegemony of Congress, Clinton's genius political initiatives were all bite-sized, irrelevant gestures, such as class uniforms and tax credits for college tuition.

Consequently, the Clinton Rehabilitation Project invariably falls back on a series of meaningless platitudes about Clinton's greatness. According to the guy Clinton took to Ireland: "Clinton's immense talents might have made him a great president." Hillary aide Maggie Williams cites Clinton's "convening power" as his "greatest asset." Klein says his "strongest character trait" was "persistence."

Does it occur to anyone else that these sound like the vague adjectives of a tabloid horoscope?

The Clinton Rehabilitation Project insistently claims the traveling salesman was a complex man, citing the "duality, triality, quadrality of Bill Clinton's nature." Klein says Clinton was "larger-than-life." Only liberals would discern stunning complexity in such an infinitely small man driven by no greater impulse than his "little head."

We are also endlessly informed that Clinton was, as Monica-replacement Klein puts it: "charming, mesmerizing and wickedly smart. A bit too smart, at times."

Not only are there no actual facts to support such encomiums, but that precise statement – "wickedly smart," "too smart" – happens to refer to Clinton's performance before the grand jury. Yes, that grand jury. The one that famously laughed out loud listening to Clinton's "wickedly smart" answers.

Also, without any supporting evidence, Newsweek calls Clinton "the major strategist in his party." It did not raise any flags at Newsweek that despite Clinton's desire to "stump this fall for Democrats," there are evidently no Democrats willing to accept Clinton's offer. At least one Democrat, Erskine Bowles, has openly refused Clinton's "help."

However, Clinton's services are being eagerly sought by game shows in Italy and England. When the only people who will be seen with you after your presidency are Hollywood liberals and foreigners looking for a game show host, you might want to drop the "love of the American people" as a talking point.

Still, the Clinton Rehabilitation Project preposterously insists: "The electorate would have gleefully voted him a third term if only it had been legal."

Actually, we have data on that. Just as George Herbert Walker Bush's landslide victory in 1988 was a tribute to Ronald Reagan, Al Gore's historic loss in 2000 was a tribute to Clinton. Thanks to Clinton, Gore became the only incumbent to lose in peacetime and a good economy for more than 100 years. Following the advice of every single one of his pollsters, Gore would not allow Clinton within 10 miles of his campaign. For his running mate, Gore pointedly chose the Democrat who had most harshly criticized Clinton's behavior with Monica Lewinsky. Still, Gore could not escape Clinton's stain, and he lost.

Even before the Lewinsky scandal, Clinton himself never conned as much as half the country into voting for him – and, let's be honest, he was not exactly facing stiff competition.

But don't cite any facts questioning the claims of the Clinton Rehabilitation Project! By responding, you will only prove that you are an obsessed Clinton-hater.

Contact Ann Coulter | Read her biography

©2002 Universal Press Syndicate

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Thursday, April 4, 2002

Quote of the Day by Congressman Billybob 4/3/02

1 posted on 04/03/2002 11:25:08 PM PST by JohnHuang2
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To: JohnHuang2
This is hilarious!!! As if ANYONE, including democrats, takes Bill Clinton seriously anymore....That sick, fat old pervert deserves the Jerry Springer Presidency of the Century award. Him and his ugly wife both.
2 posted on 04/03/2002 11:42:14 PM PST by Judith Anne
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To: JohnHuang2
CLINTON CRIME SYNDICATE EXILE TO ELEPHANT ISLAND: A MODEST PROPOSAL
3 posted on 04/03/2002 11:42:59 PM PST by Fitzcarraldo
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To: AuntB;nunya bidness;GrandmaC;Washington_minuteman;tex-oma;buffyt;Grampa Dave;Jolly Rodgers...

4 posted on 04/03/2002 11:45:44 PM PST by JohnHuang2
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To: JohnHuang2
This is just too funny for words ; not to mention very accurate and full of very well aimed barbs. LOL
5 posted on 04/04/2002 1:32:45 AM PST by nopardons
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To: JohnHuang2
"Only liberals would discern stunning complexity in such an infinitely small man driven by no greater impulse than his "little head." ROTFLMAO!

Ann Coulter, you are the best!

Regards,

6 posted on 04/04/2002 2:13:29 AM PST by Jimmy Valentine
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To: JohnHuang2


Ann Coulter

BUMP !

.

7 posted on 04/04/2002 2:15:22 AM PST by Elle Bee
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To: JohnHuang2
Ann Coulter Bump!
8 posted on 04/04/2002 4:25:01 AM PST by KS Flyover
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To: JohnHuang2
Damn...Ann's good.
9 posted on 04/04/2002 4:41:53 AM PST by anniegetyourgun
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To: JohnHuang2
Clinton had also promised welfare reform and in his second term he got some.

They might want to rephrase that....

10 posted on 04/04/2002 4:45:26 AM PST by steve-b
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To: JohnHuang2
Excellent piece!

those who hated what he'd stood for."

Yeah, old Joe Lewinsky Klein can count me in as a member of that club. I hated and still hate what the TraitorPerjurorRapist stands for. It will take decades to undo the damage that the Clintons and their friends did to national security.

11 posted on 04/04/2002 5:23:08 AM PST by Bigg Red
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To: JohnHuang2
they have been desperately been trying to launch their lumbering Rube Goldberg of a Clinton Rehabilitation Project for months now.

Unfortunately, the majority of American voters' minds work like a Rube Goldberg invention. So Clinton's tactics will probably work.

12 posted on 04/04/2002 5:27:52 AM PST by swampfox98
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To: swampfox98
Unfortunately, the majority of American voters' minds work like a Rube Goldberg invention.

Hmmm. How does that explain the election of George Bush?

13 posted on 04/04/2002 5:54:27 AM PST by lewislynn
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To: lewislynn
.......Klein says Clinton was "larger-than-life." Only liberals would discern stunning complexity in such an infinitely small man driven by no greater impulse than his "little head."

Heeheehee....LOLOLOL---I just LOVE Ann Coulter!!!

14 posted on 04/04/2002 6:08:55 AM PST by RooRoobird14
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To: JohnHuang2
Thanks for the heads up!
15 posted on 04/04/2002 7:32:28 AM PST by Alamo-Girl
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To: JohnHuang2
"The electorate would have gleefully voted him a third term if only it had been legal."

OMG - so many good laughs over bad memories! Ann nails it again. James Snakehead Carville must be FROTHING that his tactics aren't working any more.

16 posted on 04/04/2002 7:35:01 AM PST by okimhere
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To: JohnHuang2
This is great!
17 posted on 04/04/2002 8:24:16 AM PST by b4its2late
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To: okimhere
""The electorate would have gleefully voted him a third term if only it had been legal."

Actually, this line is not factual. There were SEVERAL opinion polls taken on the subject, and not a single one of them came up with X42(i) winning a 3rd term. He would have been defeated by Dubya, by Alghour, and by "some other candidate."

Only the die-hard Kool-Aid drinkers (so many of them inside the Beltway types, FL minorities, and Dem operatives/pundits) actually believe that Herr X42(i) would have won a 3rd seat on The Big Bird.

A number of people have said privately, and I tend to agree with them, that X42(i)'s ultimate demise (room temp) will occur due to his own self-destructive tendencies - especially those of ignoble or embarassing natures. When the end does come, it is entirely possible that the entire truth or circumstances may not immediately be known to the GP.

Michael

18 posted on 04/04/2002 8:59:25 AM PST by Wright is right!
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To: Wright is right!
Clinton made a total fool of himself on a recent trip to England, where he and his entourage of 18 loyal hangers-on turned up at The Groucho Club and drank until 3am. Evidently they were loud and utterly boorish, and chasing the proverbial skirt the entire time they were there. As usual, there was nobody available to reveal the night to the media (who wouldn't print it anyway) even though The Groucho Club is THE hangout for journalists, actors and other memebrs of the British intellectual elite.

One day, he'll misbehave in the wrong place (he's such a dimwit it's a certainty), and someone will be there to snap a picture. Once Carville, Blumenthal, Lockhart, Begala, etc, etc. are not around to bluster their way through it, maybe people will start to see what a total sleaze the man is, and this whole Clinton cult will go away.

I live in hope anyway.

19 posted on 04/04/2002 9:10:36 AM PST by Bagehot
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To: JohnHuang2
Clinton's services are being eagerly sought by game shows in Italy and England.

Way too funny. Bubba is becoming a cartoon character. People invite him to parties just to have a laugh. Perhaps Clintoon might concider a used car dealership and becoming a used car salesman? Isn't that what his step daddy did? LOL,LOL, oh man, this guy just won't go away. He's like a bad rash in the rump.

20 posted on 04/04/2002 9:23:14 AM PST by Teacup
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