Posted on 04/17/2002 3:19:42 AM PDT by Liz
WASHINGTON — Men. Listen up. This one's for you.
I did a column about the article in Time reporting that professional women are repelling the men they're trying to attract — Holly Hunter's lament in "Broadcast News."
Three decades after feminism blossomed in a giddy wave of bra-burning, birth-control pills and unisex clothes, the female ideal of having it all is a risible cliché.
Women moving up still strive to marry up. Men moving up still tend to marry down. The two sexes' going in opposite directions has led to an epidemic of professional women missing out on husbands and kids.
After urging guys not to be leery of high-achieving women, I was swamped with 600 e-males. (And one from a bystander in this struggle-of-the-sexes: "Mary Ellen, a 60-year-old, one-kidneyed, unrepentantly aggressive, abrasive but cheerful horseback-riding lesbian who found true love in the Southwest.")
Some female readers are concerned that men might be engaged in a sinister Stepford plot to get rid of uppity alpha women by refusing to mate with them and pass down their genes to their daughters.
Many men wanted to defend themselves against the charge that their fragile egos resist a challenge.
"For months," writes Yeung-Seu Yoon of Toronto, "I have been sullenly wondering if there are any women out there who have I.Q.'s that actually exceed their body temperature. What I would do to meet a woman who treats her head as more than just a frilly decorative ornament!"
Kevin Johnson from Chicago: "A woman who has qualities that put me in awe is far more likely to make me think she is worth falling for."
Wright Salisbury writes "in praise of brainy women: Shortly after we were married, my wife tearfully confessed that her I.Q., at 178, was 45 points higher than mine, had been salutatorian of her college class, and was a member of Phi Beta Kappa.
"I was shocked, but divorce was out of the question. It has been terrible to live with, but there have been compensations: 1) Our children are a lot smarter . . . 2) She remembers people's names, places we have visited, and learns foreign languages the way I catch colds.
"Men, don't fear that cute little genius you have your eye on."
One guy sums up the male dilemma with a Joni Mitchell line: "You don't like weak women, you get bored so quick. And you don't like strong women, 'cause they're hip to your tricks."
But there were also many e-mails scorching career women as materialistic, choosy and self-absorbed.
"They want to find somebody who is as much or MORE: good looking, socially skilled and well-off," writes Mike "not Mormon" Dropkin of Sugarhouse, Utah. "What do successful men want? Typically, a good-looking women who is kind."
Steven Greenfield agrees: "I find that most successful women have little respect for a man who does not out-earn them. I am all too frequently made to feel as though I am the sum total of my résumé, which is embarrassingly slim in their eyes."
Anthony Santelli writes about career women in their late 30's: "Despite being older and less beautiful, they are none the wiser and as picky as ever. . . . The very men whom they had rejected are now happily married to women who are less picky. Worst of all, many of these men have gone on to have successful careers and now would meet these women's standards. But it's too late."
Patrick Partridge from Fort Collins, Colo., says, "Men instinctively know that career-focused women will not be as focused on them."
Ray Lewis admits that while smart women fascinate, "I do find them draining at times." He ended a romance with one because "I was worried she wasn't going to look after me as much as I would her."
Adam Rogers, who was unhappily married to two overachievers and undernurturers, observes: "I certainly don't want my home life to reflect the sorry state of American corporate life, where everyone thinks that he/she is so damned smart, and where very few really do anything of any consequence for anybody. . . . The more of them that are childless the better!"
And my friend Paul Costello opines: "While men say they appreciate and applaud equality, the price that it extracts from them makes them run from its reality. Face it, men are basically lazy. It's in our DNA. The bottom line? Men don't want it all and women do."
MY TAKE: Typical feminist rant. Anything these chicks *itch about, I tend not to take very seriously. Most of them are all screwed up.
Anthony Santelli writes about career women in their late 30's: "Despite being older and less beautiful, they are none the wiser and as picky as ever. . . . The very men whom they had rejected are now happily married to women who are less picky. Worst of all, many of these men have gone on to have successful careers and now would meet these women's standards. But it's too late."
Dowd's career-woman friends have self-esteem problems. Too much self-esteem is just as bad as not enough, as it leads to an excessive feeling of entitlement, expecting the guy to have to work at making them happy while they have no need to reciprocate. Guess what? -- the guys will flow towards women who work at keeping their guys happy.
Most guys I know are much more interested in women who are fun to be with, who are considerate, and who seem to enjoy our company, than in women who earn big paychecks
Heads up alert. This sounds like the upcoming "poster child" at the next Democrat's convention, kind of like Al Gore's can lady.
Deus Vult! 'Pod
Self-serving mischaracterization of reality.
"Want it all" in this context means, "wants to marry up", "all" meaning a marriage partner who is smarter (surrogate for makes more $$).
It is not not not "lazy" to be flexible and open about potential marriage partners-it is human and commendable.
"Wanting it all" in a marriage partner is foolish, and the math is very much against success.
LOL. Also sounds like a new ABC sitcom.
Arrogant feminazis consider making men happy beneath their "liberated" status.
Don't obsess over it........she can't decide either.
You mean like the abrasive (but cheerful - mind you) bare back riding lesbian in the Southwest?
Alert to this woman:
1. There is a difference between intelligence and wisdom.
.........sounds like a new ABC sitcom.
Eisner's already signed Ellen Degenerate and Rosie O'Flabby..
Can't hardly wait to see 'em in their riding gear{{{puke}}}}.
Divorce stats bear this out. Know so many "perfect" marriages that have ended.
Real Women and Men have great relationships togeather. In her own eyes there is this problem that lurks just around the bend.
I wonder when she had her last talk with people, Women and Men, that live in the real world you know the world that is so beneath the world in which she resides.
How can she speak for those who she has nothing in common with?
You know who they are, the ones who struggle each day to make ends meet and yet are very content with their mates, the ones who find the time to share with their children, and yet are very content with their mates, the ones - never mind you get my drift.
Please keep you perverted views to yourself.
I am one of those who has been married to the same wonder woman for 41 years, raised three children, suffered through some difficult times and am very content with my life and my choices.
"So Dower, Please don't try to put words in my mouth or tell me what fears are when you don't have a clue".
Various mates are being rejected as worthy.
The males see something in these women or in "themselves with these women" that probably has little to do with who's smarter than whom, but more probably says something about the potential to have kids, raise them, and then have them propagate. The women get rejected. Wonder why?
The executive females see something in most men or in "themselves with these men" that simply won't work out. The men get rejected. Wonder why?
There are a whole lot more fertile, non-executive females than there are unmarried, interested high achieving, executive males.
Been there, done that.
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