Who women's lib actually liberated Exclusive: Barbara Simpson says females duped into ditching home

Hey, I waited till I was 27 to marry and 28 to Mommy. Now 30, with a supporting husband and THREE little girls (Twins last time), I'd never trade what I've got for the "feminist goal".

My grandmothers and my mother brought me along to be a homemaker and while I largely ignored it early on to work, I found that I couldn't squelch the female instinct to "nest" and let the man pull the weight.

And to the woman who wanted to deck the mouthy crow for insulting her as a "do nothing" homemaker, I'll tell you my husband is fast, but I don't think he's quick enough to stop me from clawing her eyes out! Homemaking isn't hard if you're well organized, but if you don't have a clue what is involved in making it look easy (undoubtedly like the mouthy one) it can be many times harder than a 9 to 5! Homemaking is a 24/7/365!

Our loss.

Not at all. For those of us who want to wait for the one person who will fulfill them, there is that choice and, presumably, they will be happy and content in that search. Yet, as we know, many times people's choices in this area are later determined by them to have been mistaken and things don't work out. They were happy for awhile looking and waiting and then finding, but, for whatever reason, the choice did not work out and unhappiness followed. They never had the chance to "sow their wild oats" and now they regret it.

For others, the fun is in the hunt, and they cannot see themselves with one person for the rest of their lives. Often, however, future developments change their minds on things and, sometimes, it is difficult to turn back. Not so much because their are no potential mates out there, but because as people get older, they get more comfortable with their habbits and routines and are unwilling to change them for another.

Yet others find happiness throughout their lives with whatever path they choose.

What would be worse, I think, is to mandate a particular path that everyone should follow, without regard to the particular nuances of personality of individuals. Waiting, searching, and finding the one right person becomes a lot less valuable, even for those who are so inclined, if everyone has to do it.

Waiting, searching, and finding the one right person becomes a lot less valuable, even for those who are so inclined, if everyone has to do it.

No one has to do any such thing. The generally accepted morality that we've abandoned is a loss to society as a whole, especially to the out-of-wedlock children these casual relationships produce which is almost as bad as the soul-deadening fact of a million-plus abortions performed in American every year, most on white, middle-class women who are not married.

Serial sexual 'relationships' between unmarried young adults are ultimately depressing and the fact that this is now considered 'normal' does nothing for the men and women involved who end up wondering why (eventual) marriage is no big deal and often divorce in a few years as the marriage was just a nother 'relationship' and held little meaning after all the sexual affairs that came before it. It's sad and although there are always exceptions, this tends to be quite common in today's 'anything goes' society where sex between unmarried young adults is taken for granted, if not expected.

Forty-plus years ago young adult men and women still had casual relationships, sometimes many before marriage, but sex was not automatic or expected, although of course some did engage in it. There was no perceived need to 'try it out' much less play house and pretend it was a committed relationship - except that either one could flee at the first sign of a problem, boredom or a better sexual partner.

We've lost something important as a society in the name of, what else? Freedom. Well, we're free alright. Free to be promiscuous and call it a 'relationship'. Free to have a million abortions a year. Free to contract STD's by the millions and many women are free to face thirty-five unmarried and feeling used with all illusions shattered and possibly a fatherless child in tow.

No, no one is forced to remain chaste before marriage (and it was never a law in America that anyone had to) but with the permissiveness and frat-boy mentality we've adopted when it comes to sex between unmarrieds and the meaning of 'relationships' being one of sex and convenience and little more, we've lost a lot, even if it was voluntary.

Freedom always leads to things that many people would prefer not to have around. And, yes, freedom does have its risks. That is why freedom is stifled in so many parts of the world, so as to eliminate that which many find offensive and to avoid whatever risks that are attending.

One hundred years ago we couldn't even have this discussion amongst polite society, since it touched upon such vulgar and salacious topics. There was no law, per se, that deprived people of the opportunity to discuss these things amongst themselves; it simply wasn't done. And, admittedly, there was a risk that the mere speaking of such things would awaken in people the desire to experiement and to experience, exactly, what people were talking about.

Now, certainly, those who cared not to partake of such discussion should have been allowered to excuse themselves from the room; that would be fair. But I prefer -- and I guess that's what it is, a preference -- to live in a society that allows people to take risks, to live the way they believe is best for them (subject to a few commonly agreed upon limitations that are always changing), than to feel a social pressure to hide away what would make them happy.

Yes, freedom can be ugly, sickening, disease-ridden, it can lead to all sorts of behaviors that many find objectionable, it can be obscene and taken to extremes, it can also be used to maintain older conventions and to express whatever feelings one might have on any subject...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Yes, freedom can be ugly, sickening, disease-ridden, it can lead to all sorts of behaviors that many find objectionable, it can be obscene and taken to extremes, it can also be used to maintain older conventions and to express whatever feelings one might have on any subject...but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Freedom to indulge our baser instincts without the slightest concern about the results of those excesses is not pretty and I don't find that equating 'freedom' with hedonism a compelling argument but a society gets what it wants and we opted for the Playboy mentality writ large and so, we have it.

I'm well aware that many see this widespread hedonistic behavior as a splendid expression of personal freedom. I do not. I see it as an abuse of freedom in order to excuse crass sexual indulgence and to even mock sexual virtue as 'old-fashioned' and of course to utter the well-worn cry; 'You can't shove your morality down my throat', as if the social expectation of mere circumspect behavior was some terrible oppressive imposition to bear.

I have no desire to codify sexual behavior and that is not the real point. Western society set norms for sexual behavior, including marriage expectations, based on experience over many centuries. Some took them to extremes, of course, but American society was never a Taliban society as some like to hint at. Most Americans agreed with the societial norms of forty or so years ago and were glad to have them in place, as they prevented much of the grief - physical and emotional - we see now as a matter of consequence following the abandonment of sexual mores by most, especially the young.

We cannot turn back the clock, as it were. I believe that eventually the obvious shallowness and bitter fruit of sexual freedom taken to the extremes, as it has in America, will cause society to recede from the edge and re-establish some sensible norms that most of our people can agree to, without feeling some precious freedom has been oppressed. Maybe not. Society is fluid, changing with each generation. The base instincts will always be there and unleashing them in the name of freedom may eventually be seen as the mistake it was. Only time will tell us that and most of us, unfortunately, will not be here to witness that change, should it ever come. Meanwhile, the STD's, the abortions, the fatherless children and the abandoned mothers will continue, and the youth of our nation will continue to rush headlong into meaningless and shallow realtionships that usually end in nothing. Marriage withers, extreme sexual expressions grow and thrive and we call it freedom, and celebrate the consequences in order to justify them.

Well, I contend that the 'sexual freedom emperor' indeed has no clothes on and eventually we'll simply admit it and return to a more sensible and less harmful view of what sexual freedom means beyond indulging in sex anywhere, anytime, with almost anyone, at a whim, and calling it a 'relationship'. Chasity, male and female, and a certain value on it will be seen as a positive attribute, not a hurdle to be jumped to win a prize. Respect for the opposite sex as a fully human being, not simply a sexual object, will return. Marriage will be honored beyond the wedding day. Sex will be seen as a special gift of intimacy sincere, committed, loving people give to each other, hopefully in marriage only, not simply a recreational pastime used to imitate true intimacy. One can hope.

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