Feral Frenzy

the Eugene Weekly ^ | 8 Aug 02 | By Jacquelyn Lewis

[Glutton]

We have tons of raccoons and possums locally too. And I am not surprised a city heavy with environmentalists would have such hand wringing to do about this topic.

A friend of mine was kicked out of an environmentalist watering hole of a coffee shop for pitch forking a possum bothering the neighbor's dogs. Idiots.

We also have an outbreak of heartworms to worry about. These are carried by mosquitoes, and normally is an affliction found in the Southeast.

Mother Nature would handle an over population of carnivores like housecats by culling out the excess.

Now what's so hard about that?

[Eaker]

You are obligated to post a recipe with each response.

Stay safe; stay armed.

[Dakmar]

We had a little problem with feral cats here in my W. Indianapolis neighborhood. Someone had moved out and left a half-dozen cats or so behind. The little old neighbor ladies, not exactly greenie-weanies, just sweet old ladies, kept feeding them, and we were up to about 15 cats living in bushes, behind and under tool sheds, and everywhere else cats hang out. I rented a trap and caught eight of them the first week. One of them bit the crap out of me.

[SAMWolf]

Thanks for the ping! Bump

[Glutton]

A girl who lives above me was hospitalized for an infection in an abcess from a hit of heroin she did although she is on the methedone program locally. (She has diabetes too.)

Her Mom flew in from Arizona and discovered her daughter's rats had been multiplying, and that the ignored problem of pets becoming vermin had allowed then into the walls.

Some locals were angry because they were poisoned. As someone who had rotting rodents mined from the sheetrock in my ceiling, I say good riddance to them.

The girl? She still lives there. This is Eugene after all, and that incident was not enough to evict her. Unless she gets rats as pets again that is.

[Khepera]

Cats are best served warm.

[Dakmar]

I think your on to it man...The soccer moms don't want vermin rats living around them and their kids, but if you expect the same standard they'll paint you an extremist.

[Khepera]

I guess I am. Now what?

[Dakmar]

Cats are best served warm.

I'm so glad now I never accepted any invitations to dine with you and your family. :-)

[Dakmar]

Well, that question was meant for glutton, I dealt with you later in the thread.

[Khepera]

Well my friends tell me I'm a great cook. So there!

[Dakmar]

Well I've never eaten cats except in times of mild food shortages. That bassett hound I caught last week was pretty tender, however...

[Sungirl]

Why don't people try to help instead of calling it a problem. Catch a cat and have it fixed. Try to do the RIGHT thing...don't be lazy or don't be cheap..try to HELP the situation....let it have a life...after all...it was a HUMAN that left it homeless. If people would have their cats fixed...there would be no problem. Poor cats....so misunderstood. It's such a huge sad dilemma......and people just call them problems.....when all along it is people that are the problem.

[Dakmar]

I'm God's lonely man...

You lookin at me? Huh? Are You Looking At Me?

[Khepera]

Well if we where not supposed to eat cats then why are they made out of meat?

[Sungirl]

Acid Rain May Hinder Bird Breeding

And they want to blame it on cats....

[Sungirl]

Man is made out of meat too....and it's supposed to be tastier....

[Dakmar]

Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his ass to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. It was unlike anything I had ever heard.
This ass talk had sort of a gut frequency. It hit you right down there like you gotta go. You know when the old colon gives you the elbow and it feels sorta cold inside, and you know all you have to do is turn loose? Well this talking hit you right down there, a bubbly, thick stagnant sound, a sound you could smell.

This man worked for a carnival you dig, and to start with it was like a novelty ventri- liquist act. Real funny, too, at first. He had a number he called The Better Ole that was a scream, I tell you. I forget most of it but it was clever. Like, "Oh I say, are you still down there, old thing?"

"Nah I had to go relieve myself."

After a while the ass start talking on its own. He would go in without anything prepared and his ass would ad-lib and toss the gags back at him every time.

Then it developed sort of teeth-like little raspy in- curving hooks and start eating. He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it, but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street, shouting out it wanted equal rights. It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags nobody loved it and it wanted to be kissed same as any other mouth. Finally it talked all the time day and night, you could hear him for blocks screaming at it to shut up, and beating it with his fist, and sticking candles up it, but nothing did any good and the asshole said to him Its you who will shut up in the end. Not me. Because we dont need you around here any more. I can talk and eat AND shit.

After that he began waking up in the morning with a transparent jelly like a tadpoles tail all over his mouth. This jelly was what the scientists call un-D.T., Undifferentiated Tissue, which can grow into any kind of flesh on the human body. He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands like burning gasoline jelly and grow there, grow anywhere on him a glob of it fell. So finally his mouth sealed over, and the whole head would have have amputated spontaneous- except for the EYES you dig. Thats one thing the asshole COULDNT do was see. It needed the eyes. But nerve connections were blocked and infiltrated and atrophied so the brain couldnt give orders any more. It was trapped in the skull, sealed off. For a while you could see the silent, helpless suffer- ing of the brain behind the eyes, then finally the brain must have died, because the eyes WENT OUT, and there was no more feeling in them than a crabs eyes on the end of a stalk.
.

[scholar]

Mother Nature would handle an over population of carnivores like housecats by culling out the excess.

The fact about cats is that they breed far more prolifically than racoons or opossums. A female cat is either in heat or pregnant all year round. Feeding feral cats provides an environment which does not necessarily make them subject to the same laws of population control as pertains to native species.

Just for the record--I am a major animal lover. I've saved more than a few cats--mostly domesticated, who were dumped by their butthead owners. I say the trap, neuter and release programs for feral cats, where available, is a good plan--but just feeding them so they can make more sick and starving cats doesn't work for me.

[Dakmar]

Well, read it before it get ganked I guess.