Armageddon ahead, please fasten your Bible Belt

There's bad news on the end of the world front. The Rapture Index, which measures end-time activities, has soared to dangerous levels and Bible-Belt America is readying itself for the last trump

Bad news, I’m afraid. The end of the world is nigh. Or at least nigh-ish. I have been checking the Rapture Index (www.raptureindex.com), a kind of Dow Jones for the Apocalypse. It tracks what its compilers call “end-time activities”, and is updated weekly so that those who worry about this sort of thing (they call themselves “end-timers”) can gauge how many years, days or minutes they have to spare before the big whoosh. Naturally, the RI evaluates the customary biblical portents of doom: plagues, famine, drought and so on. But it also includes rather more idiosyncratic signs of when our clattering earthly train will hit the celestial buffers. They range from “drug abuse”, “liberalism” and “false prophet” (ie, the Pope, for whom most end-timers have a big dislike) to “government by the Beast” (any international power-base, such as the UN or the EU) and “the mark of the Beast” (any unified currency such as — you guessed it — the euro).

And, as I said, it’s bad news. Anything below 85 on the RI is regarded as “slow prophetic activity”. That means: relax, make that dental appointment, the Second Coming still hasn’t been scheduled in the heavenly fixture list.

Above 110 and we are into “heavy prophetic activity”. Probably time to quit that dead-end job before it literally becomes a dead end. And if the RI soars over 145, its compilers say, you really ought to fasten your seat belt. The rum-ti-tum-tum of the Last Trump is already echoing round the outer suburbs.

Well, yesterday the RI stood at 170. I don’t like the sound of it. Admittedly, that’s some way below the all-time high of 182, which was recorded (you will be unsurprised to learn) shortly after the World Trade Centre attack. But 170 still sounds dangerously close to Rapture Time.

And if you haven’t got the foggiest notion what Rapture Time is, you aren’t keeping abreast of the fastest-growing and (let us be frank, because time is clearly short) oddest literary phenomenon in the English-speaking world. Two months ago, a newly published thriller called The Remnant went straight to No 1 in the New York Times bestseller list. It was the tenth such book in a series called Left Behind, written by Tim LaHaye, a 76-year-old Californian “prophecy scholar” and Christian evangelist, in conjunction with the novelist Jerry Jenkins.

Novels 6, 7, 8 and 9 also went straight to the top of the bestseller lists when they were published. Indeed, in the wake of September 11 the ninth book — topically titled Desecration: Antichrist Takes the Throne — became the bestselling American novel of 2001, stealing that title from John Grisham for the first time in seven years. In fact, LaHaye and Jenkins have accumulated sales of 33 million in just seven years, and personal fortunes estimated at a very tolerable $50 million each.

Which wouldn’t be so remarkable, except that the Left Behind series transforms into popular fiction a subject not renowned for its page-turning, pulse-racing, fortune-making qualities. We are talking about dispensational premillennialism. (You see? Your eyes are glazing over already.)

It’s a literal belief in the apocalyptic events described in the last, and wackiest, section of the Bible: the Book of Revelation. According to dispensational premillennialists (shall we call them DPs for short?), Christ will return to Earth when he is least expected, sweep off believers in clouds of glory (the Rapture), and leave malefactors, non-believers and “don’t knows” to suffer seven years of catastrophes (the Tribulation) presided over by the most evil man in history (the Antichrist). This period will culminate in a colossal battle in Israel (Armageddon), after which the triumphant Christ will rule in peace for a thousand years (the Millennium) and the world will end.

Of course, it’s not that simple. Some DPs place the Millennium before Armageddon. Some will argue till the end of time (as it were) that Rapture comes after Tribulation. Details, details. You get the general drift.

Even before the extraordinary Left Behind series started selling to Bible-Belt America like . . . well, like there’s no tomorrow, DP theology was gaining ground among born-again Christians. A recent survey found that a quarter of all Americans believe that Jesus will return in their lifetimes, and that nearly two in three believe Revelation’s apocalyptic prophecies to be broadly accurate. Among them, one understands, is President Bush — a comforting thought as he prepares to pulverise the Middle East. And according to the FBI no fewer than 1,500 apocalyptic cults, of greater or lesser crankiness, now flourish in the US, along with more mainstream fundamentalist churches packed with members who also believe that we are close to, or actually in, “end times”.

It is a huge market, which LaHaye and Jenkins have exploited with a cunning that can only be admired. Their books (LaHaye devises the preposterous plots, Jenkins the dreadful dialogue) read like Nostradamus rewritten by Jeffrey Archer and rewritten again by a management consultant who speaks only business jargon.

Thus you get wonderfully clunking lines such as: “He cannot be expected to handle the duties of both the UN and Botswana during this strategic moment in Botswana history, right, Steve?” Or the description of the glamorous heroine, Chloe Steele Williams, as “CEO of International Commodity Co-op, an underground network of believers”. A secret Christian group with a “chief executive officer”? Does it have vice-presidents and personnel directors as well? Still, the Left Behind series doesn’t mess around. Sam Goldwyn advised young film-makers to “begin with an earthquake and work up to a climax”. LaHaye and Jenkins go one better. They begin with the Rapture (a third of the world’s population are snatched up to Heaven, which rather mystifies those who aren’t) and will presumably work up to Armageddon by volume 12.

Meanwhile, volumes 2 to 10 trace the adventures of an intrepid band of yuppie-ish, clean-cut and mostly white American goodies during the intervening Tribulation, as they race round the world in fast cars and helicopters, trying to fight the evil forces of a slimy Romanian monster called Nicolae Carpathia.

It soon becomes apparent that Carpathia is none other than the Antichrist himself. The fact that he is also Secretary-General of the United Nations, and that his wicked stormtroopers are called “Peacekeepers”, tells you rather a lot about what Bible-Belt America thinks of the UN and its peacekeeping operations. Oh yes, and did I mention that his headquarters are in Baghdad? Spooky coincidence, or what? Cities get blown up, armies zapped. And our heroes make amazing escapes on almost every page — none more startling than the episode in the latest book where, pursued by the forces of darkness, they leap into a plane piloted by the Archangel Michael (who turns out, not surprisingly, to be rather good at flying).

So is it all harmless pseudo-theological bunk — Batman meets Billy Graham? I am not so sure. The insidious thing about the Left Behind novels is that, lurking beneath the thrills and spills, they promulgate a distinctly disturbing world view. All international organisations, from the UN downwards, are regarded as fronts for secular humanists who do “the Devil’s work” (quite literally, of course, in these novels). Even the Roman Catholic Church is castigated, which isn’t surprising since, in his nonfiction writing, LaHaye has declared Catholicism to be a “false religion”.

Also lambasted or ridiculed are liberals, ecumenicals and everyone else who is “hoodwinked” by the notion of global peace, harmonious co-existence or disarmament — all regarded as con-tricks perpetrated by the Antichrist. Women in authority are crudely caricatured as stupid or sadistic. Europeans generally are unreliable and untrustworthy. The message is: it’s up to right-minded Americans to get out there and show them, at gunpoint if necessary (and it usually is), that God is boss.

As for the Jews, they are crucial to LaHaye’s plot, because end-timers believe that Armageddon will be brought about by hostile forces mounting a massive attack on the state of Israel. But the Left Behind series makes it clear that the only really OK Jew is a Christian Jew: one who converts and becomes part of Christ’s “soul harvest”.

And there is a chilling Freudian slip in the dialogue, when our heroine Chloe, weighing up the risks of her latest mission, says: “We could lose four people, not to mention all the Israelis we promised to protect.” Er, aren’t Jews people too? I merely ask.

What’s slightly alarming is that millions of decent, intelligent Americans are devouring these books. And not just the books. Left Behind has already spawned one film (a bestseller on video), and a second is on the way. Through its website (www.leftbehind.com) you can also buy Left Behind calendars. Count the days till Rapture! Another end-time website (www.rapturewear.com) offers clothes with a Rapture logo. Apparently they are “a great way to tell people that when Jesus calls His church home, you won’t be left behind”. Thousands of teach-yourself-Rapture booklets are advertised on the internet, including the endearingly named Oops, I Guess I Wasn’t Ready (“what to do if you miss the Rapture”). You can even purchase Left Behind: The Board Game, in which players earn “redemption tokens” that can be cashed in for eternal life once “post-Rapture play” starts.

And although LaHaye and Jenkins are ending their lucrative partnership in two years, when the Left Behind series reaches its apocalyptic conclusion, LaHaye has already landed a new £30 million deal to write a series of novels about a Christian superhero, a kind of born-again Indiana Jones.

Always assuming, of course, that he doesn’t get snatched up to Heaven between now and then. I hope he consulted the Rapture Index before signing his contract.

Good morning, to you. :-)

Thanks for the support. GOD will do what GOD will do and HIS will be done. Anything else, is anti-Christian. JMHO

I could cite chapter and verse, talk about 2,000 + years of this kind of hysterics, but , as for me, I'd rather place my faith in HIM, than any rabid conman or woman. And you're right, those new comers and those whose faith is on the wane, will become disallusioned, not made stronger, by zealots, who preach their own , not GOD's word.

Okay, here's but one example. When I was a kid, I had a freind who was a &th Day Adventist. Year after year, she told me that she had been told that the " end times " would come on such and such a date. That date got moved upwards, so many times, over so many years, that finally, as an adult, her faith had been crushed out of her. Understand now, how this invidious garbage works ?

The same thing happened, in Europe, during the various times that the Black Plague hit. It happens again and agian and again. Read history and learn some facts.

Same old same old, and your very own interpritation of the Christ's words ? I'm not impressed. THis is exactly what I'm talking about.

The bible says that there is only 144,000 of the elect and only 7,000 of the very elect. Not very many people know the truth. That's the famine of the end times. I don't know if I'm part of either the 144,000 or the 7,000 but I try to learn truth. The bible spends most of it's time talking about the end times and what to watch out for, I don't think it's wise to try to ignore most of the bible because you're afraid to learn the season.

Believe whatever you want to. The spreading of this junk, especially when it earns anyone money and / or power, is blasphemous.

I'm not spreading anything, nor earning nothing from it. Those whose faith is solid can look at this and reject it if it's not true. Those whose minds are sealed by the word of God cannot be captured by Satan and his methods.

Yes I do. But God expects everyone to do works for Him. One of those works is to study His word. It's a commandment, follow the Sabbath. Since Christ was crucified, follow the Sabbath means study His Word. If you study His word, you won't be fooled by those that don't know what they are talking about. God is going to let Satan have his way down here for a short time. Satan is going to be successful against those who have not studied and therefore are easily fooled. In a way God is allowing punishment to those that don't try to learn His word. So it looks important to me to try to know what is going on and when the season is near.

The same thing happened, in Europe, during the various times that the Black Plague hit. It happens again and agian and again. Read history and learn some facts.

Yes I know. If they would have read the part that says if you hear of wars then the end is not near, they would not have been fooled. Their bad.

Actually, what I find more than slightly alarming is that millions of Americans are aborting their children.... No, the first correspondent is correct. The popularity of books such as the Left Behind series is just a example of the growing climte of willful ignorance and anti-intellectualism that is growingly prevalent, I'm sorry to say, in the US. Looking at it from the viewpoint of the right in another country (I'm from and in the UK) the rapture syndrome is just utterly incomprehensive. Knowledge gives the common man power - power to liberate himself from the shackles of government. Conservatives should be encouraging the dissemanation of knowledge. An emancipated and liberated people is one of our chief weapons in the fight against the left.

I stongly disagree. God gave us free will.. EVEN the elect will be tempted. It is up to us to pray constantly against temptation, and for salvation of our souls.

Yes the elect and very elect sin. But the elect and very elect are going to be some of the very few people early on that will see the antiChrist as an abomination. A lot of people are going to see the antiChrist as Messiah.

As I mentioned to someone elsewhere it is like this: We know we will die someday, but not when. If we get to feeling sick we get it checked out to see if it is something serious or not. Lord willing it will be minor, but right now the sickness seems to be a cancer, shortening the days faster and faster. Perhaps we will get another chance, remission perhaps. But looking at the patient currently it seems quite ill.

Christ commannded us to watch for the signs, made a point to tell us what they were - why else would he do so if he did not expect us to discuss them and wonder at the condition of the world, to wonder if it was indeed ripe?

That does forgive senseless hype or book sales of course, but it is my 2 cents.

So being a Christian relieves us of our common sense and thirst for knowledge? Is that what you're saying? Christianity is anti-intellectualism?

The peculiar pseudo-manichean philosopy so common in the US and masquerading as fundamentalist christianity, yes. One only has look at the absurd levels of support for creationism for support for my hypothesis.

Look at the UK. Many of the leading lights of the Scientific Revolution in the 17th and 18th centuries were Clergymen. Darwin is buried in Westminster Abbey. The Anglican and Catholic Churches have, for the last four centuries, a very strong learning arm to their theology. Look at Abbe Georges Le Maitre, the proposer of the Big Bang, and a Jesuit...

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