High-Priced Emancipation [Book Review: Why There Are No Good Men Left]

The Wall Street Journal ^ | Friday, January 3, 2002 | MEGHAN COX GURDON

[TroutStalker]

Anyone who has ever struggled to find a house to buy should intuitively understand the difficulties faced by the legions of accomplished, educated, 30ish women currently roaming society in search of a husband. They are the stuff of mass entertainment now, these handsome, quick-witted graduates of higher education. On TV, they're the saucy females of "Sex and the City" and "Will & Grace." They surface in fiction as lovelorn Bridget Jones and the hapless heroines of Pam Houston's best-selling short stories.

[BuddhaBoy]

Wimmin will have to learn to be happy with a Walking Love Muscle who worships them, but is too dumb to come in out of the rain.

This is exactly what many women do AFTER having been supplied with a house, alimony and child support from an ex-husband(sucker) who thought it was all about "love".

Once she is set up, and the ex is living with his parents so he can afford to support her, she is free to move in that 'love muscle' you speak of.

[patton]

What a strange world you live in.

I have been married 15 years - three kids, no divorce.

I need my wife, and I suspect that she needs me - certainly, our kids need us both.

You sound like the male version of the 40-something libber that posted earlier, about how she could have it all. Perhaps you should date.

[Mamzelle]

Hey, that's pretty good. What now, now that there's no consensus on courtship? Even those who managed to stay in step through most of the dance do worry for our children...

[BuddhaBoy]

I'm not 40-something, I am just barely 37. I date constantly. There is no shortage of available single women out there for someone successful, confident and FUN.

Women cannot have it all, because they are women. Men CAN have it all, if they do it in the right order. Men should not think about wives or children until they have achieved a certain level of success, so that if they want to get married, they can do it on their terms, and by their own set of standards and values. Too many men settle for the first woman that sleeps with them, as though if they let her get away, they would never get sex again.

I am enough of a realist to understand that some woman could come along, and knock my socks off, and make me change my mind, regardless of what I think right now. Live is an ever changing thing. The point is, should that happen, I am in a position to not have to pay if I make a mistake, I wont have to move in with my parents, I wont have to buy her a house that I can t live in, and I wont have to pay for children without being able to visit them.

Men should forget about serious relationships, until they have had enough experience with women to be able to decipher the good ones from the bad. Young men are walking penises that lack the ability to say no to a woman offering sex for the sake of self-preservation. I’m not angry, nor bitter. Life is good.

[patton]

I think you are wrong, on many points.

I don't think kids should set a goal of wealth, prior to having kids - one could always argue, "not now, I need more wealth."

Just have kids - certainly, you should be able to feed them - but that ain't real hard, you know.

[BuddhaBoy]

I didn't say wealth, I said success. That means different things for different people, right? I think that people should at least get themselves established before taking on a lot of debt and responsibilities before they have had a chance to live a little. What's wrong with that?

[patton]

A number of things - first, your health & fertility fade with age. Second, this is doubly true for women. Third, who wants to be a 60-year-old dad with a teenage kid? Fourth, youthful parents recover from injury faster. Fifth, young parents can keep up with their kids. Sixth, is is better to be involved with the kids, or to be able to "provide everything"?

My advice (worth what you paid for it...) - have kids in your twenties, or don't have kids.

[SauronOfMordor]

I'm wondering how they define "good". I'm curious for selfish reasons, of course, being a 40+ bachelor who has always wanted to be married but never seemed to be deemed "good".

Women's definition of "good" generally involves:

• Makes significantly more money than her
• Taller
• No more than a few years older (unless very affluent)
• in good physical shape
• supportive of her goals
• not demanding she be supportive of HIS goals

For high-earning, older career-women, its hard to find somebody who meets these criteria. The supply of available 30-45 yo professional men is small, and they have more options. A professional man is more likely to marry a woman with greatly less income or education than the reverse. Since his pool of acceptable women is much larger, he is more likely to find somebody he likes, and not have to settle for a 40 yo professional woman with a chip epoxy-glued to her shoulder

[Mamzelle]

re: Fourth, youthful parents recover from injury faster.)))

LOL--

[Mamzelle]

re: A professional man is more likely to marry a woman with greatly less income or education than the reverse.)))

Really think this is so? I happen to know three househusbands married to high-earning women, and it appears to me that men these days would rather have the extra income than a wife at home with his kids. I think more men are expecting earning power from their wives.

[BuddhaBoy]

Since his pool of acceptable women is much larger, he is more likely to find somebody he likes, and not have to settle for a 40 yo professional woman with a chip epoxy-glued to her shoulder

Careful, buddy. Someone is going to call you a woman-hater for spewing such truths. You better clean that up. LOL.

[patton]

I see that you have kids...LOL

[BuddhaBoy]

You are making quite an assumption that children are a certain thing in a relationship. Many people choose to live their life for themselves rather than plan it for children. Those would be men, so you don’t have to tell me that women think differently. I am aware.

[BuddhaBoy]

I think more men are expecting earning power from their wives.

Isnt that sad?

[BuddhaBoy]

It's been fun but the playoffs are starting. Have a nice day, everyone.

[Cacique]

Because free milk is best. Never buy a cow, it gets old and stops producing milk.

All of this negates the male reproductive strategy as opposed to that of females.

It is in the best interest of the male to deposit his genes in as many mates as possible to insure the survival of his progeny. The female strategy on the other hand is to "trap" a male to protect her progeny and provide for it.

These are two distinct strategies which for a long time were suppressed by religion and socialization which created artificial "families" which were necessary for stable societies.

[Tall_Texan]

...not have to settle for a 40 yo professional woman with a chip epoxy-glued to her shoulder.

They told me those were padding. It's on both shoulders.

[Jim Noble]

>> A professional man is more likely to marry a woman with greatly less income or education than the reverse<<

Obviously.

And, have you noticed how this positive trait of men (open-minded, not judgemental, accepting of different kinds of people) is turned against us by the Maureen Dowds of the world?

"What's the matter, boy? Afraid of strong women?"

I think these women subconsciously emulate what they desire in men (power. money, fame) in an attempt to become attractive to men.

Since these things are not an attractant to men (they're not a negative, either-they just are not salient to us in the way they are to women), this usually fails.

When they find a man who is attracted to these things (i.e., to himself), he is almost inevitably a narcissist, which has problems of its own.

[Mamzelle]

re: Because free milk is best. Never buy a cow, it gets old and stops producing milk. ))))

Have you noticed, following this charming metaphor, that "cut" steers lead the shortest lives? Few of them make it to bullhood. Even then, there's always more bull where that came from.

[patton]

Since they are still doing the pre-game show, let me address...

Many people choose to live their life for themselves rather than plan it for children. Those would be men....

Hmmmm. I think a balance is in order - my kids are all working on black belts, are all excellent shots, and have straight teeth, along with the best education I can find for them.

This is living my life for myself.

I think that I am a man, yes.