N. Korea Wondering What It Has To Do To Attract U.S. Military Attention

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA—As the U.S. continues to inch toward war with Iraq, a jealous and frustrated North Korea is wondering what it has to do to attract American military attention.

"What does it take to get a few F-16s or naval warships deployed to the Yellow Sea?" North Korean president Kim Jong Il asked Monday. "In the past month and a half, we've expelled U.N. nuclear inspectors, withdrawn from the nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty, restarted a mothballed nuclear complex capable of producing weapons-grade plutonium, and threatened to resume missile tests. You'd think that would be enough to get a measly Marine division or two on standby in the Pacific, but apparently not."

"Bush says his number one priority is eliminating weapons of mass destruction, but he sure doesn't act that way," Kim said. "Iraq may have weapons of mass destruction and may be developing more. The DPRK, on the other hand, does have weapons of mass destruction and isn't about to stop making them any time soon."

"Can I be any more clear?" Kim continued. "We have nuclear bombs and delivery methods. Kablooey! There goes Anchorage! But does Bush care? Nope—he just goes on about how we're 'a diplomatic issue, not a military one.' If he even mentions us at all, that is."

In the nine years since coming to power, Kim has earned a reputation as a megalomaniac and tyrant, interring dissenters in camps, living in opulence while his citizens starve, and calling members of the North Korean navy "human bombs." In spite of such actions, he has failed to provoke the ire of the U.S.

After years spent trying to antagonize the U.S., relations between North Korea and America finally showed signs of deterioration in 2002, when, during his State of the Union address, President Bush accused the Asian nation of being part of an international "Axis of Evil." The provocative words, Kim said, sent his hopes of a military standoff with the U.S. skyrocketing.

"When Bush named us as part of his Axis of Evil, I was so happy," Kim said. "I thought to myself, 'This is it. We are finally going to have a military conflict with this two-faced hyena.' He'd been ignoring me so long, I really didn't think he cared."

Still, Kim's hopes for a U.S.-North Korea crisis quickly faded as Bush began to focus all of his energies on Axis of Evil member Iraq. In October 2002, Kim made yet another attempt to anger the U.S., admitting to enriching uranium in violation of a 1994 accord. The admission, however, did not produce the desired escalation in hostility.

Kim said he has not given up on attracting U.S. military attention, vowing to invade South Korea if necessary.

"I am by no means ready to quit, but this is very frustrating," Kim said. "I guess if your name's not Saddam, you're not worthy of America's hatred."

"Everyone in my country refers to me as 'Dear Leader.' Is that not disturbingly cultish?"Kim continued. "I do not understand why President Bush is so much more interested in Saddam than me. I'm a strange, despotic, unpredictable madman, too, you know."

Yeah, that seems funny, but I just have a problem with the fundamental liberal criticism that Bush has a special fix on Iraq because he is not carpet-bombing North Korea. North Korea is a clear-cut case on what happens when you RELY on diplomacy alone to solve crises--and when you get madly grinning idiot peanut farmers doing it. As it stands, the US would be stupid, no matter how much firepower it has, to go in there guns-a-blazin' and take out North Korea. Why? North Korea is 35 miles from Seoul, it has a hell of a lot of artillery and, oh yes! it has nuclear weapons. Not only this, but it has China willing to pull the same stuff it did in the Korea War--why do people insist that China is so damn benign?

CHina and the nuclear issue, plus the utter dependence N Korea has on our food and energy, means that a military option might not be in our best interest right now.

I'm tired of repeating this to our liberal friends, who you can bet would be applauding the President's multilateral approach with N Korea is he were, um, liberal.

From The Washington Dispatch

Opinion
The Mouse that Roared – N. Korea needs a War
Commentary by Paul Walfield

Jan 3, 2003

In 1959, the venerable actor Peter Sellers in three concurrent roles played the leaders of the insignificant nation, the duchy of Grand Fenwick. The plot was simple; Grand Fenwick was a nation on the skids in desperate need of capital. The solution was also simple. The duchy of Grand Fenwick would declare war on the United States, quickly surrender, and await the resulting boom in foreign aid.

From the start, Grand Fenwick was determined to lose. In its initial and only assault on America, Fenwickians armed with bows and arrows, would show their selves, and promptly wave a white flag. However, something went wrong. The Fenwickians had inadvertently intercepted America's newest and most powerful nuclear weapon. It now appeared that Grand Fenwick was now in a position to make demands on America without fear of retaliation. Grand Fenwick was in the driver's seat.

Then there is North Korea and the reality of today. In the early 1990's, North Korea flexed her one muscle and found a Democratic Administration willing to appease and pacify the insignificant land of North Korea. For a promise to be good from the North Koreans, The Clinton Administration along with Jimmy Carter agreed to give billions of dollars in aid to North Korea. Oil shipments, two light water nuclear reactors, diplomatic relations were all in the offing for North Korea and only the beginning.

The so-called Hawks at the time accused the Democratic Administration and Jimmy Carter of perverse and dangerous gullibility and naiveté. It was pointed out at the time that only a carefully crafted surgical strike would ensure the non-proliferation of nuclear weapons into the Korean peninsula. The "Hawks," could not accept the promise from an otherwise despotic and ruthless regime in North Korea for actual security, let alone for tangible goods and acts by the United States. According to critics of the agreement, American security for the nation and its citizens could not be allowed to rest on intangibles. In the end, the Clinton Administration dismissed the criticism, waved the agreement with North Korea in the air, and declared peace in our time.

The Liberals were ecstatic. They could finally point to an instance where they were "right." At last, the Hawks, the cynical Republicans were shown to be nothing more than warmongers at a time when paper could triumph over bullets. Unfortunately, we all now know that the "promise" from the North Koreans wasn't worth the paper it was written on. The North Koreans never gave up on their development of nuclear weapons. In fact, North Korea had built a couple of secret uranium enrichment facilities several years ago during the time we were sending them aid. Naturally, the Democrats want to emphasize when the North Korean lie was discovered, during the Bush Administration, and not when the lie was being perpetrated, during the Clinton Administration.

North Korea, probably the sorriest excuse for a country in Asia has discovered that at least during a Democratic Administration, threatening violence can be a cash cow. If they can get billions for a promise not to build nuclear weapons, how much more can they get after they actually build one?

The North Koreans, or rather Kim Jong-Il its president, is in a win-win position. By all accounts, Kim has little concern for his population. If there is a military confrontation, The US is bound to supply North Korea with a tremendous amount of foreign aid after our victory even and when Kim remains in power. On the other hand, if there is no military confrontation, North Korea is still more than apt to receive billions in aid from the US, Japan and South Korea in return for another North Korean promise to be good, again.

Like the Grand duchy of Fenwick, North Korea is in the driver's seat. America is preoccupied with its war on terror and the impending conflagration with Iraq. So much so, that our Secretary of State wants us all to believe that the idea of a nuclear-armed North Korea, a state designated as a member of the "axis of evil," is no big deal. Only our Secretary of Defense had made differing and transparently unrepeated statements to the contrary. The question then becomes, how can we change the dynamic of the present crisis.

In the 1959 movie, the Fenwickians were a very reasonable people and were portrayed as not wanting or even contemplating using their newfound nuclear card. The same cannot be said for the North Koreans and Kim Jong-Il.

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.


Above: U.S. Marines that could be marching on Pyongyang engage in drills in the Persian Gulf.