France and War

efreedomnews ^ | 15 February 2003

[efnwriter]

efreedomnews         WAR ON TERRORISM - AN AMERICAN PERSPECTIVE

France and War
15 February 2003

French President Jacques Chirac: Quotes from February 2003 regarding France's opposition to a military solution to the Iraq problem:

“War is the worst possible solution.”
"For us, war is always evidence of a failure.”
“For us, war is an admission of failure, and it is always the worst solution.”

His viewpoint is coloured by the French military experience:

Gallic Wars - Lost. In a war whose ending foreshadows the next 2000 years of French history, France is conquered by of all things, an Italian.

Hundred Years War - Mostly lost, saved at last by female schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Warfare; "France's armies are victorious only when not led by a Frenchman."

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots

Thirty Years War - France is technically not a participant, but manages to get invaded anyway. Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her.

War of Devolution - Tied. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux.

The Dutch War - Tied

War of the Augsburg League/King William's War/French and Indian War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Three ties in a row induce deluded Frogophiles the world over to label the period as the height of French military power.

War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. The War also gave the French their first taste of a Marlborough, which they have loved every since.

American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting."

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

The Napoleonic Wars - Lost. Temporary victories (remember the First Rule!) due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer.
 
The Franco-Prussian War - Lost. .
World War I - Tied and on the way to losing, France is saved by the United States. Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not only sleep with a winner, but one who doesn't call her "Fraulein." Sadly, widespread use of condoms by American forces forestalls any improvement in the French bloodline.

World War II - Lost. Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song.

War in Indochina - Lost. French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu.

Algerian Rebellion - Lost. Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." This rule is identical to the First Rules of the Italians, Russians, Germans, English, Dutch, Spanish, Vietnamese and Esquimaux.

War on Terrorism - France, keeping in mind its recent history, surrenders to Germans and Muslims just to be safe. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's.

The question for any country silly enough to count on the French should not be "Can we count on the French?", but rather "How long until France collapses?"

Question: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

Answer: Don't know - they've never tried.

France Surrenders to Germany: (June 1940) Exacting revenge for his nation's defeat in WW I, Hitler forced French officials to sign surrender papers in the same railroad car in which Germans signed the armistice of 1918.

[efnwriter]

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[sd-joe]

Any game is no fun when one always loses. Ha Ha Ha.

[timestax]

bump to the top

[Ernest_at_the_Beach]

Nicely done!

OFFICIAL BUMP(TOPIC)LIST

[tessalu]

Chirac needs to go and tell that to the Islamics who declared war on the USA, when they bombed the trade towers.

[SAMWolf]

Concerning the French, I don't want them anywhere near our men in combat; I don't trust their government and I do not want our men to be relying on French combat support, because it may vanish at a moment's notice on orders from Paris. I don't want their jets in the sky over our men, I don't want their ships near ours, and I don't want their soldiers within a hundred miles of ours on the ground.

[LibKill]

Italian Wars - Lost. France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Losing to the Italians defines the term 'loser'.

[George W. Bush]

"For us, war is always evidence of a failure.”

Because they always surrender like cheese-monkeys. I like how this is uttered as some profound statement when in fact, any country with a real military already knows this is the key to understanding French military history.

[sd-joe]

Yes, but how do you really feel about it?

[SAMWolf]

We've wasted enough good American lives on them in the last century.

[dixiechick2000]

le bimp!

[Blackyce]

By insulting the Italians, you include the Roman Empire.

[Mr. Mojo]

French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French.

Zing.

[Intolerant in NJ]

Funny bit I ran across today in Joe Queenan's Baby-Boomer version of history in his Balsamic Dreams: "The French join the Indians in the war against the English-speaking settlers. As will become their custom, they lose".....

[Terriergal]

“War is the worst possible solution.” "For us, war is always evidence of a failure.” “For us, war is an admission of failure, and it is always the worst solution.”

Sometimes, war is reality. Leave it to the French to disconnect themselves from reality.

My take here is that the French are unable to admit failure. Must mean they're better than the rest of us. Or at least, they think so.

[Cobra64]

Concerning the French, I don't want them anywhere near our men in combat; I don't trust their government and I do not want our men to be relying on French combat support, because it may vanish at a moment's notice on orders from Paris. I don't want their jets in the sky over our men, I don't want their ships near ours, and I don't want their soldiers within a hundred miles of ours on the ground.

I don't think you'll have any concerns on this matter. They have no military.

[geedee]

They must feel like The Generals . . . that team the Harlem Globetrotters always play.

[sd-joe]

Yeah, and like the Generals, they never give up and keep coming back for more.

The difference is that the French feel that they are important, while the Generals know who they are.