Posted on 03/03/2003 11:43:55 AM PST by rs79bm
> DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being
> successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your cows,
forcing
> you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for
then
> take the tax money, buy a cow, and give it to your
neighbor. You feel
> righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
> SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes
one and gives it to
your
> neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to
manage his cow.
> REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?
> COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you
with
> milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is
expensive and sour.
> CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull,
and
> build a herd of cows.
> DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to
the
> point you have to sell both to support a man in a
foreign county who has
only
> one cow, which was a gift from your government.
> BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes them
both,
> shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the
milk
> down the drain.
> AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to
> yourself and do an initial public offering on the second one. You force
the two
> cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow
drops
> dead. You span an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized
and
> are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
> FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
three
> cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
> JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
1/10th
> the size of an ordinary cow and produce 20 times the milk. They learn to
travel
> on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow
> school.
> GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You engineer them so they are all
blond,
> drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles
an
> hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
> ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
> While ambling around you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life
is
> good.
> RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have
five
> cows. You drink some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have
42
> cows. You count them again and learn that you have 12 cows. You stop
counting
> cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th five-year
plan in
> the last three months. The Mafia shows up and takes over however many you
> really have.
> FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes
for
> the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote
for
> the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.
Some
> people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from
out
> of state tell you which is the best looking.
> NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have 15 million cows. You have to chose which
one
> will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.
My personal contribution (updated):
PETA: You don't "own" two cows, you are their caretaker (kind of like a butler). You file suit in federal court accusing yourself of factory farming and speciesism. You let the cows sleep in your bed, leaving no room for yourself, although you've always fantasized about sleeping with one or more cows. You make money from a contract with Ben & Jerry's until the cows decide to quit giving milk, go on moo-fare, and spend all day watching Springer. Then the cows starve to death, and you blame the Republican administration.
(90k gif)
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