The Evil of Dating (Dating vs.Courtship)

Lewrockwell.com ^ | September 7, 2002 | Heather M. Carson

[Theo]

There is no such thing as "premarital sex." Once you have sex, you've literally become one with that person, and in a sense have "married" them. Of course, there's not the commitment of "marriage," but once you've become one with someone, something significant has happened.

The first few chapters of Proverbs address sex outside of marriage, as do other portions of Scripture. I don't have a Bible with me now, but if you're sincerely interested, I could do a bit of research.

[stuartcr]

I do.

[ohioWfan]

I Kissed Dating Goodbye written by Joshua Harris. This is a great book for young adults interested in learning how to pull back from dating.

This IS a good book, and dating for teens these days is a BAD idea.

It's artificial in the first place, and doesn't help you "know what you are looking for in a spouse." Being friends in groups with both sexes is far better for that.

And more important, this sex-charged society is dangerous for teens. They need all the help they can get to avoid situations where their morals might too easily be compromised.

I don't know the author's intent, but the bottom line is correct.

[ohioWfan]

Try reading it.

[newgeezer]

We elevate predatory sexual behavior calling it "playing the field" and say we are following our animal instincts. I have yet to see an animal mate out of anything but an instinctual drive to procreate. As it is, we have sunk lower than the animals since we don’t even want to discuss that sex is procreative anymore. This is dating. "For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools…."(Romans 1: 21-22)

Don't stop there! Verse 24 says, "Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them." This is sex outside of marriage!!
_________
{ping} You likely won't see this for another week-and-a-half. But, when you return, take a look. I think it's an excellent article.

[ohioWfan]

Feminism drivel in the guise of conservatism

There's not one touch of feminism in this article. It's about making moral choices, and the wisdom of not dating......for both boys and girls. The author just happens to be a female, who knows the stories of other females.

My Christian, conservative kids have made the same choice not to date (and to wait for courtship of one they might marry) based on moral purity, and using their time more wisely (in church, music, sports and academics).

[Theo]

... pinging everyone who's posted so far, so I can add the unusual fact that I've done exactly what this woman's done.

I became friends with a young lady from church, and sensed that there might be something "special," that perhaps the Lord was calling us to be partners for life.

After our friendship was pretty solid, I asked her if she was interested in together determining whether or not it was the Lord's will for us to be married. We called that "courting." During our courtship, we were exclusive in the sense that we didn't express any long-term relational interest in others, but we didn't do the things that are common on most dating relationships. We didn't kiss; we didn't even hold hands. It wasn't about me meeting my emotional/romantic desires, or meeting hers, but about discerning whether the Lord was calling us to be husband and wife.

After 4 months of this, getting to know each other more deeply, praying about it, seeking the counsel of people we trust, I asked her to marry me. It was pretty romantic, on the beach. She said, "Yes, of course." And that was the first night we held hands.

Four months later, we were married, and when the pastor said, "You may kiss your bride" ... well, I received "permission" to do so ... and we kissed for the first time.

What I believe this story, and the author's story, is saying is that it is do-able. That single people have alternatives to "dating." That you can get married and have no regrets. I don't feel guilty about a single thing my wife and I did before we got married. Purity. Innocence. It's quite nice.

I'm not demanding that others do this. But I'm letting others know that it is do-able, and that it was a wonderful way to grow closer, to discern God's will, and to start a faithful relationship.

Ted

BTW, I'm not the cliched geeky, holier-than-thou type. I'm a pretty normal guy, a musician in a band (keyboard player), do video editing, and am a front-end software developer (among other things)

(photos of us: http://www.ijot.com/ashleigh)

[Zavien Doombringer]

Does this church look familiar? :) God bless you both, you are on the way!

[ohioWfan]

Excellent! Excellent!

My husband and I have a similar story (though not QUITE as disciplined as you and your wife were!), and we have been ecstatically married for almost 27 years now.

The confidence in knowing that you were the ONLY one for each other, and that you waited for your wedding night to show it, makes marriage oh, so much sweeter!

[AppyPappy]

Adultery = Sex outside marriage. See the woman at the well. The Bible also condemns fornicators.

[AppyPappy]

A date is s terrible way to get to know someone. Both people are nervous and uneasy.

[opus86]

The concept of courtship appears to be gaining popularity among evangelical churches. The youth pastor at our church essentially preaches about it every year around Feb. 14. While I'm not sure I agree with everything, some of it makes sense. Also, I'm sure there are different permutations of how courtship would work. Essentially the parents take a more active role in the relationship, but here's a rough example of what I've heard...

Say Joe likes Sarah, so he goes to Sarah's dad (NOT Sarah) and and asks Dad if he can see Sarah. Assuming Joe raises no red flags with Dad, Dad then goes to Sarah and pitches the idea to her. If she has no interest, Dad tells Joe the bad news (no pressure on Sarah). If she is interested, Dad relays the good news and essentially facilitates the two seeing each other. The two are NEVER alone, all visits are supervised, and no physical contact is allowed. Any "dates" are done with a group.

I may have misstated some of this, but essentially that's what I've heard. My own opinion is that young people need to be taught that they do not need romance in their lives until they're ready to marry. Unfortunately our society does everything to encourage romantic relationships among teens.

[najida]

I thought adultery was when one or both partners where married to someone else?

And fornication was sex outside of marriage.

So you could have two fornicators, or one adulterer and a fornicator or two adulterers.

[AppyPappy]

According to Jesus, all sex outside marriage is adultery.

[najida]

OK,
I was just going on what I was told by a divorce lawyer.

[Question_Assumptions]

I've always felt that dating should lead to marriage or what's the point?

[dead]

One by one these girls came to me, after only a few months at college, wrestling with the desire of their new college boyfriends to be physical with them.

I have never ever ever heard of a college student who sought out their Resident Advisor for help with sexual decisions.

I thought they were just there to sneak beer past.

[stuartcr]

If you needed permission, why didn't you ask the person involved?

[NorthGA]

I think the difference is seriousness of intent - which can be unspoken. Group friendship is way better for meeting needs of companionship and relationship than individual "dating" which is often someone using the other person to fill a personal need (sex, someone else to pay, etc).

I only pursued women that I thought were possibilities for a commitment that could lead to marriage. I got burned a few times, but that was good to learn during the courtship.

My wife had the opposite idea - go out with any guy if you wanted someone else to pay and have a good time. She had a much more shallow and painful dating experience until she switched to courtship.

[Zavien Doombringer]

Or fornication, Adultery is commited among Married people, Fornication is sex before marriage.