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I have seen loved ones die. I don’t believe in miracles as there is no empirical data, its a nice thought for others, but for me, I can’t accept the supernatural. My father had a strict no-code on him, it worked, he crashed with an infection after a nasty surgery found cancer. He had no desire to be elderly and undergo chemo and radiation, he lucked out, he got an infection and he was not able to be saved by any means, and he died a very quick and peaceful death. My mother died at home of cancer. I was there for both, I saw it, I experienced it. It was sad, it was tragic and it affected me. Prayer would not have changed any of it. I cant’ believe in prayer, it only helps those who are doing the prayer. There have been lab studies, it does nothing. I would never ever tell someone not to pray, but for me, its meaningless.

I don’t believe in a god like you do, I respect your views, and, for me it was a long tough road to get to my position. But, its a liberating view for me, I control my life for the rest of my life, I have the power over my choices. My life is mine, I can’t cede it to a supernatural force without evidence that it is there. That is just how I operate.

Again, I will never tell you what to think or do, its our lives our choices and I wish you the best.

Death smacked me in the face when I was 27. I'd done been through the expect loss of grandparents. This one was a kiss your wife goodbye you'll pick her up at her moms after work kinda day. She threw a clot from her leg to her heart. It was quick and my dad whom she was going to catch a ride with was with her. He had the trauma of doing CPR and waiting for an ambulance which was 20 minutes out. It wouldn't have mattered if she had been in the hospital I was told later.

Take it for what you want but I knew I was going to loose her. I was being prepared for it months before while I was driving a rig and gone all but 4 days a month. An overwhelming feeling of something is not right at home. Not the kind like the car was tore up the kind like something bad is wrong. I end up quiting the job and took a maintenance job at a nursing home. Within two months she was gone. Two months later I'd gone back to work and taken a transfer because another facility needed a HVAC/Electrician so I took the offer.

I met a nurse aid there whom I would start dating. This is the person I'm married too now. I don't believe our prayers are always answered the way we would like. Sometimes down the road a person can look back and see that no was a good answer in the long run.

My dad has been fighting cancer for about 9 years when they told him he had about three years left. He's now on his third different type of Chemo, taking Morphine, and Hydrocodone for pain. The current round is a just recently approved drug. But he's in his 80's.

When I worked in the nursing homes we had patients we'd pray would not be there the next day because of the pain they were experiencing. A lot of them who looked healthy and had no real medical problems except fr age would surprise you though. You'd say see you tomorrow when you'd leave to clock out. They would say no I'm going home I won't be here. You come in the next day and their room was empty and you learn they had died that night. I've often wondered how they knew?

Everything must die to be reborn and even nature shows it. A tomato left alone will bloom and produce fruit. The fruit contains seed. If left alone the tomato falls to the ground and in time the plant dies. The seed lays in the ground and in the spring a plant springs up. So it is with mankind. The only way we can live is we first must die when that season comes.

Somethings just don't have easy answers. My sibling lost a spouse right before Christmas. My sibling has some serious mental problems that are compounded by several strokes. The one who died was the bread winner and like me a caregiver as well. It was an unexpected unknown heart issue. The spouse said see you after work and died that day at work. That outcome remains to be seen. Some positives is a shrink was fired and other doctors consulted. The shrink was incompetent. I knew it before anyone because that shrink had treated me once. But I can see two lives it changed for the better. Adversity is a refining tool if a person allows it.

One thing I've learned is nothing remains the same in our lives. Changes come and time usually heals most hurts & moods as long as you aren't hit too many times at once. Clinical depression I realize is not that though. My wifes been in therapy ten years and it's helped her.

The odds are I'll be going through one familiar pain again before I leave this world. Simply meaning the likelihood of being a widower again. That's just the reality of the circumstance. Twenty six years together me and her have been very blessed. Some may not look at it in that way though. Some person in the situation would dwell on what happened and let it take over their lives and rob them of happiness.