Posted on 10/06/2014 10:17:57 AM PDT by Morgana
In July, I received the following email, asking for help:
Donny,
I just read your story about Mindy. I thank you for sharing that. I decided to contact you and see what advice you may have for me, a married father of four beautiful young children, and addict of pornography. In the past I have cheated on my wife and it sickens me. Porn has been something that I can't break.... Every time it just draws me back in. I have tried professional counseling and found that it was a waste of time. I look at my wife and daughters and wish I could be a better man by being able to finally break this nasty habit. Can you recommend any books, blogs or other media that could assist me in this goal? I appreciate your time and thank you for fighting the good fight!
These types of emails are particularly challenging for me, which is why I’ve taken more than two months to finally address it. I’ll tell you why I find it challenging to answer this: humans are so complex. There is never any one particular “cure” that works for everyone.
This morning, when I asked the author of that email for permission to use it here, he let me know that he’s been doing very well with his struggles. I asked if there is anything in particular that is helping, and his response was as follows:
A few things. Finding an accountability partner, spending time everyday in the word and reading a few books by Patrick Carnes such as Out of the Shadows, Facing the Shadow and A Gentle Path Through the Twelve Steps.... I highly recommend those books for those struggling with a sexual addiction!
I have to agree with him: the key to battling a porn addiction is education. To resist temptation, it’s crucial to understand what is tempting you and why. And regardless of whether or not you personally struggle with porn, educate yourself so that you can help those who do.
I highly suggest downloading all 14 of the free eBooks offered by Covenant Eyes to begin the education process. While you’re there, sign up for their Internet filtering and accountability program, which I honestly believe is the best solution available. (Full disclosure: I am an affiliate of Covenant Eyes. However, I won’t receive any personal profit if you sign up after reading this blog post. Instead, if you do want to benefit another good cause that I believe in, I suggest using the code “lifesitenews” when signing up, and Lifesite will get 15% of the proceeds.)
Also, if you do use the affiliate code, the first month’s subscription is free, and after that it is $13.99 per month to protect all members of your family. At Starbucks, that would buy three or four drinks. I think the spiritual health of your family is worth far more. If you seriously cannot afford that price, give them a call and they’ll work with you. To read more about exactly what their software does, click here and scroll through this entire page.
On my personal website, I have created a page in which I link to peer-reviewed studies as well as magazine articles that discuss how pornography impacts us. I suggest reading through it and bookmarking it. I will be continuously updating it as new data is released. The good news is this: the world has begun to realize how badly we’re being impacted by pornography, and new research is regularly made available to those of us who wish to educate ourselves. God can definitely use that education to change hearts and minds.
I don’t mind admitting that I face my own battles with sexual temptation. Porn just doesn’t happen to be one of them. My temptations relate to memories of some of the women with whom I had sexual encounters while working in the porn industry. If I let those memories stay in my head for longer than a few moments, it seems like I reach the point of no return, in which I no longer wish for the thoughts to stop but would rather dwell in them for awhile. For me, the key is to distract myself from the thoughts as quickly as possible, before they are out of control.
I believe that as a Christian man, I am called to fight a battle that actually tests my worth as a man: to see every woman as one of God’s daughters, and to fight for His daughters by keeping in mind that she is not meant to bond with me sexually, as that is something God wishes to be reserved only for her husband.
I try to remind myself of this when I am tempted. When I walk around or interact with attractive women in any way, I try to make a habit of bouncing my eyes up to her face and often repeat “not mine” in my head or even verbally.
She’s not mine. God has her set aside for someone else. She’s not mine. She’s His little girl, and she needs me to fight for her by keeping my eyes where they should be. Her Daddy God is always watching, and I really don’t want Him catching me visually molesting her. Any animal is capable of giving in to lust. Be a man, Donny. Be a real man.
Oftentimes I can shorten all of that to two words: “Not mine!” This simple self-reminder is very powerful for me, but may not be useful for everyone. Find what works for you. If you seek, you WILL find. And as was mentioned by the man in the emails above, prayer and Bible study are two things we must make time to do if we truly wish to be strong in resisting temptation.
We also need to realize that addiction to pornography is a very real thing. Porn consumption creates a “dopamine high” within us, and dopamine has been shown in laboratory animals to be more addictive than methamphetamine. That being the case, we must be willing to take the same steps to get help that we would take when dealing with a drug or alcohol addiction.
Rather than make one very long, drawn out article on numerous ways to deal with temptations relating to porn, I’ll stop here and write about other methods in future articles. But once again I would like to encourage readers to begin educating themselves on exactly what pornography does to the people who consume it by visiting the links provided earlier.
I’d also like to invite your feedback as well. If you have strategies for overcoming temptation that you feel would be beneficial to readers, please “like” my Facebook page and send me a message. I’ll be happy to pass along useful tools and suggestions.
Wow I never knew that about him.
please tell me it’s not “Blast o Butter” brand
People use porn to “fill in a void”. That void can only be filled by God. God is missing from their lives.
I answered you but it was deleted. Sorry.
He may have to “go Luddite” and give up all internet access.
That’s one thing that I have against any method of trying to break any addiction -
if you don’t really want to, you’ll find a way around any of the fences you set up.
You have to want to quit whatever addiction it is you have.
Yea that is true.
Why, thank you, Mr. Comstock, for protecting me and mine from those nasty pictures.
I am so grateful that someone such as yourself took it upon themselves to decide what I should or should not see.
Taliban bastard.
I do not believe people are victims of an addiction when they habitually watch porn. They LIKE porn, but they CAN turn away from it. Truth is, they don’t want to.
There are genuine addictions, but I don’t believe a fascination with pornography is one of them.
IMHO, adults who produce, watch, or participate in porn are scum, not victims.
And to think, in deciding what you should not see, he probably viewed more porn than anyone on the planet.
Look people think porn started with playboy. No it did not. It was going on back then. Shocking I know. There were “dirty pictures” going around during the Civil War. That is what Comstock was against. Smut. Now you can call him “Victorian” a “Puritan” what ever but some people really find smut disgusting.
However since this is the Religion forum let me throw this at you
Epistle Of Saint Paul To The Philippians 4 vs 8-10
[8] For the rest, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever modest, whatsoever just, whatsoever holy, whatsoever lovely, whatsoever of good fame, if there be any virtue, if any praise of discipline, think on these things. [9] The things which you have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, these do ye, and the God of peace shall be with you. [10] Now I rejoice in the Lord exceedingly, that now at length your thought for me hath flourished again, as you did also think; but you were busied.
Read this by Dr. Judith Reisman
http://www.drjudithreisman.com/porn_as_erototoxic.html
In fact read her whole website. Will take you about three to four weeks to navigate it but it’s worth it.
I was shocked at what I learned.
I spent years as a branch manager for a brokerage firm, supervising over 100 employees. Part of my responsibility was being the local point person for employee assistance/intervention. If an employee called the corporate help line, requesting help with an addiction problem..drug, alcohol, and gambling..and immediate intervention/assistance was required, I'd be contacted, until the professionals could be brought in.. (FYI..being in the financial sector, we were especially cognizant of compulsive gambling). Thus, I had extensive training and education on the subject, and consider myself more knowledgeable than most. At that time, sexual addiction was not on the radar, and never came up. However, I did learn two key truths when dealing with addicts, and which MUST always be considered:
1. Cross ( multiple) addiction is very commonplace..as much as 50%. That is, a drug addict is also an alcoholic, or a compulsive gambler is also abuses drugs.
2. While not ALL pathological liars are addicts, EVERY addict is a pathological liar. The second point is an ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
In reading the article, I find neither of these issues are even considered. How then, is it possible to deal with the problem of addiction to pornography without addressing these two issues? I suspect that most addicted to porn have another addiction, and are pathological liars.
I try to remind myself of this when I am tempted. When I walk around or interact with attractive women in any way, I try to make a habit of bouncing my eyes up to her face and often repeat “not mine” in my head or even verbally.
She’s not mine. God has her set aside for someone else. She’s not mine. She’s His little girl, and she needs me to fight for her by keeping my eyes where they should be. Her Daddy God is always watching, and I really don’t want Him catching me visually molesting her. Any animal is capable of giving in to lust. Be a man, Donny. Be a real man.
And he IS a real man.
God bless him.
So true. Take up woodworking or hunting/fishing. The guy has way too much time on his hands if he’s sitting around watching porn all the time.
Maybe wood working isn’t such a great idea for porn addiction...
LOL
Thanx!!!
Never knew that.
Interesting.
It is nothing new, I had a phornagraf record in 1948 or 49, the first time I ever heard Hank Williams but I don`t remember anything disgusting about it.
Understand what sin is, it is not some abstract force, but it has power and wants to be served. Decide that you will not serve sin. Christ has made you dead to sin and alive to God in Christ. Romans 6
....sin is crouching at your door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.” Gen 4:6
“I will not serve sin!” “I serve God!” Decide...fight...rest in Jesus Christ. Give your sin to God and receive his power over sin and temptation to sin. Romans 6
Temptation comes as a thought, take those thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ immediately. Fight with the power of God that strengthens you to win. “I will not serve you sin!” Feed yourself with the word of God or you will not have the strength to fight long. Read Romans and both books of Corinthians asking Holy Spirit to teach you and transform you. Read them again.
For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, being ready to punish every disobedience, when your obedience is complete. 2 Cor 10:3-6
Speak out loud when taking those thoughts captive to obey Christ, and take authority over demonic assignments against you, ie lust. “No I will not serve you sin, I serve Christ” “Jesus to you I turn, in you I have victory, you I serve Jesus.” Whispering is fine.
Put on the armor of God Eph 6. Key to Armor of God is verse 10 be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might.
You will win in Christ!
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