TAPIRBACK RIDER
Written and Performed by Weird Alma
Parody of “Paperback Writer” by The Beatles
Tapirback rider
Dear Mormons, wait, before you leave the pews
I have an article in the Deseret News
It explains how back in ancient Nephite times
They didn’t have horses, so they had to be tapirback riders
Tapirback rider
It might be hard for you to get this thing
It’s an explanation known as “loan shifting”
Joseph didn’t know what a tapir was
So he said they rode horses,
but they really all were tapirback riders
Tapirback rider
Tapirback rider
You might be thinking something isn’t right
Was the Book of Mormon translation loose or tight?
If cureloms, cumoms, and senines are words
Then why couldn’t Joseph just have used the term “tapirback riders?”
Tapirback rider
I warn you, that sounds like apostasy
I have PHDs, so you should trust in me
It will all make sense if you believe it’s true
If you have any questions, look my up, my name is TapirDan Writer
TapirDan Writer
“ And now I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up and to give you the inheritance among all those who are sanctified.
— Acts 20:32”
How many scientific journal articles from the late 1800s to the early 1900s have you ever read?
Have you ever studied about how Millikan measured the charge on the electron?
Have you ever read Einstein’s paper about how Brownian motion is used to estimate the size of molecules?
All that work and other efforts formed the basis for our modern quantum mechanical knowledge. They used very crude methods with much mathematical pencil and paper work to make amazing discoveries.
Admirable? Of course!
Alien? I think not.
There is human hard work and intelligence used to build and discover all of our science.
“ But as for you, Daniel, conceal these words and seal up the book until the end of time; many will go back and forth, and knowledge will increase.”
— Daniel 12:4” NASB
I agree…. ET and Vulcans are not needed to explain our technology…
All of what people call “dispensationalism” is in the Bible.
Period.
Darby is not necessary to this view.
I have read the Bible cover to cover several times and a plain sense reading of Scripture, while paying attention to literary genre, yields the basic futurist premillennialist view.