"Come back here you coward!" yelled one exposed West Coast cameraman who ran for cover as she leapt for the safety of a passing airport shuttle. "Your mother can take care of herself." Another scurrying reporter echoed the same sentiment, "You're just prolonging her agony like Schiavo! Let her die in peace!"
These cries at first may seem strange, but when it is revealed what she secretly represented to the left-wing cause, the curses begin to make sense. "Our stories are made to explode," revealed one area editor. "We take a little bit of truth about the Bush administration, the war, the economy, mix in a little C-4, hide it in an innocuous TV commercial or cartoon and BOOM! We take out a little bit of support for our troops here, a little bit of public opinion there and before you know it we have the perfect formula for defeat: despondent troops and emboldened insurgents."
But this new brand of incendiary reporting was instantly countered and so far has met with little success. "Bush and the Special Conservative Operations Forces (SCOFF) reacted quick," recalled one dejected insurrectionist from the New York Times. "When they picked off Clarke, Burkett and Joe Wilson in pretty short order, we knew we had to try something else."
That something else involved a 3-week visit to an al-Queda training camp in southern Syria where CNN and ACLU activists were trained to how to use innocent civilians as human shields. The tactic first appeared in New York where NARAL lead an attack on the Bush administration by advancing behind the a solid wall of 9/11 Widows. That skirmish resulted in a modicum of success when the president gave in to demands to convene the 9/11 Commission.
But despite that minor ambush, it looks like the ploy has run its course for now. "Cindy took a lot of shots for us," explained one black-hooded mediafacist. "The letter from her family disavowing her rants just winged her. But when her husband filed for divorce, that one hit right in the body cavity. After that she started sputtering about Enron and crop-circles. I don't think we're going to see her back here anytime soon."