Free Republic

WASHINGTON, D.C.—Democrats are scrambling to defend Brett Kavanaugh against his accusers after he put on a Joe Biden mask Friday morning. "We believe you are a great man of upstanding moral character, and we do not believe your accusers," said Alyssa Milano to Justice Kavanaugh hiding behind the Biden mask. "It's disgusting that people would try to capitalize on this political moment to drag your name through the mud, Mr. Biden." "It is a disgrace -- a disgrace I say! -- that people are trying to discredit this great man!" shouted Senator Cory Booker, stabbing one finger in the air....

NEW YORK, NY—The Bloomberg News Editorial Board has endorsed Mike Bloomberg for president. While other publications are endorsing multiple candidates or communists, Bloomberg Opinion says they've found the right man for the job: Mike Bloomberg. "He's a really swell guy," wrote the editorial team. "We always have a good time when good ol' Mike is around. His ideas are great, dogs and children love him, and honestly, it's our completely unbiased opinion that he's just the #1 man for the job. Vote Mike Bloomberg!" The team listed some of his greatest accomplishments: A record score of 18 on the golf...

NEW YORK, NY—In honor of the anniversary of Chairman Mao Zedong's death, The New York Times unfurled a giant, 50-foot-wide banner honoring the "brave revolutionary" outside its New York offices Monday. After public outcry, they admitted this might have been "slightly inappropriate." "While we stand by our decision to honor one of history's great men, we admit the banner lacked important historical context," said one Times editor. "While his ideas were morally right, they factually killed a bunch of people, and that's not something we wanted to promote. Unless you're killing yourself to combat climate change." Paper executives considered adding...

HARRISBURG, PA—Pennsylvania's favorite pro-abortion legislator, Brian Sims, wanted to show he was tough. While most guys would join a local MMA club or luchador circuit, Sims isn't most guys. He had a much better idea. Sims wandered into a local Catholic church and challenged a group of singing nuns to a fistfight over the issue of abortion. "Hey nuns, come on down here and fight me if you want to show abortion is bad!" he called out, adding several slurs and expletives to his courageous speech. "Yeah, that's what I thought! Chicken, eh? Probably hateful Chick-fil-A chicken too, and not...

You can't be too careful out there nowadays. It's really easy to call a religious person an offensive name. No one knows this better than the press. The mainstream media is very sensitive to different religions. They may be the very best experts in the field of religiony stuff. That's why they were careful to refer to Christians as "Easter worshipers" lately. You might not have ever heard that term used before, but that's because you don't know as much about religions as the media does. They're pros. We want to help you out. So we whipped up this handy...

HOLLYWOOD, CA—Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was pumped to attend a taping of The Price Is Right in Hollywood this week. The special guest introduced herself as a U.S. representative and rising star of the Democratic Party. Things got interesting when the game began and every time it was her turn to estimate the price of an item her answer was "free." Items included a set of Italian leather handbags, an all expenses paid trip to the Bahamas, and a brand new 2019 BMW 330i, at all of which Ocasio-Cortez shouted, "FREE!" When host Drew Carey asked if Ocasio-Cortez understood the game's...

MONTGOMERY, AL—In an update Wednesday to its Hatewatch blog, the Southern Poverty Law Center announced the newest addition to its authoritative list of hate groups: the Southern Poverty Law Center. “We have identified an organization with a clear history of rank intolerance toward faith communities based solely upon their sincerely held religious convictions,” the statement reads. “This organization has encouraged ostracism and threats toward people, politicians, and businesses that do not adhere to its rigid progressive agenda. It has existed and operated right under our noses for years. It is known as the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC).” The statement...

A tweet from Rep. Marsha Blackburn (R-TN) that mentioned Planned Parenthood’s sales of aborted baby parts led to Twitter blocking a campaign ad in her bid for a US Senate seat in her state. Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey labeled Blackburn’s tweet “inflammatory and likely to evoke a strong negative reaction. On the one hand, there’s the woman who already has to deal with the emotionally difficult decision to terminate her pregnancy. Awareness that her baby might be cannibalized and sold for parts like a junked car would add unnecessary trauma to that decision.” “On the other hand, there is potential...

Pope Francis said Thursday that the majority of the words that come “spilling” out of his mouth are invalid because most of the time he doesn’t understand that what he says is permanent. “We live in a culture of the provisional,” the Pontiff said, responding to a question about the “crisis of his pontificate.” Francis said he often doesn’t comprehend the importance of what he’s saying when speaking off-the-cuff, which he said is “indissoluble.” “Sadly in today’s pontificate, I don’t understand that what I say will have ramifications for not only my pontificate, but of the many pontificates to come,”...

Pope Francis startled many Catholics this week by likening Jesus' admonition to his apostles to go forth and preach the Gospel to Mohamed's call for Muslims to wage jihad against unbelievers, calling both "incitements to conquest." "In a way, beheading someone or blowing them up may be less intrusive than Jesus' command to 'love thy neighbor' or to 'turn the other cheek,'" Francis said. "The jihadi attacks the body, but the Christian missionary invades the soul. Even the most grievous injury to the flesh is transitory. But changing a person's soul persists beyond his temporary Earthly existence." Francis went on...

I am letting you be among the first to know. It is true. I am leaving the Catholic Church. I want you to know that this has not been a decision made in haste or without serious and intense research and consideration. But I can no longer remain in a church that I no longer believe in. Let me explain. I will be writing more about this soon, but for now let me just say there are five main reasons why I am leaving the Catholic Church: 1. I believe the sole rule of faith for Christians has to be...