Free Republic

Plot: "Walter (Mel Gibson) is a troubled father and husband and CEO of a stalling toy company, he's clinically depressed. When he finds a Beaver glove puppet he starts to wear it without pause: he even adopts the beaver as a kind of avatar through which he carries out all of his communication." Cast: Mel Gibson as Walter Black, the CEO of a toy company Jodie Foster as Meredith Black, Walter's wife. Anton Yelchin as Porter Black, the teenage son of Walter and Meredith who lobbies his mother to get a divorce. Riley Thomas Stewart as Henry Black, the younger...

Another road hog with too much oink BY DAVE BARRY (This classic Dave Barry column was originally published on March 21, 1999.) If there's one thing this nation needs, it's bigger cars. That's why I'm excited that Ford is coming out with a new mound o' metal that will offer consumers even more total road-squatting mass than the current leader in the humongous-car category, the popular Chevrolet Suburban Subdivision -- the first passenger automobile designed to be, right off the assembly line, visible from the moon. I don't know what the new Ford will be called. Probably something like the...

Preschool panicking BY DAVE BARRY So my wife and I went to this meeting at our daughter's preschool. The purpose was to give us helpful information about our kindergarten options. Let me just say, as a parent: AIEEEEEEEEEEE. Centuries ago, when I was a small hairless preschool child in Armonk, N.Y., kindergarten was simple. When you turned 5, you enrolled in Wampus Elementary and attended Miss Gregory's kindergarten class, where you made hideous refrigerator art from construction paper and paste. There were no other curriculum options, unless you count the option of, when Miss Gregory was not looking, eating the...